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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be alarmed after a defendant contacted me?

216 replies

ShapeofanLonmyforehead · 17/08/2026 11:20

I was a witness for an incident that took place near my home some months ago. It ended up going to court and although I didn’t attend in person, my statement was provided in court. I was assured it was all anonymous as the person in question is violent.

fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, this individual has written to me from prison (not yet sentenced) offering me money to write to them. The letter is hand written and contains my full name and address. I am absolutely livid that they’ve somehow got my information, I’ve rang the police who sent me a text later on to say it’s a non-reportable crime.. and the witness support agent person emailed to say she’s passed the information on to the case lead, but I’ve heard nothing back in weeks and I just want to know how in the world he got my information and why he’s been allowed to write to me with bribes.

I have two young kids at home, the last thing I want is some POS contacting me.

OP posts:
Shedmistress · Yesterday 07:42

Lovemycat2023 · Yesterday 07:37

Someone was on remand for an offence and then convicted and got a suspended sentence? That doesn’t really go together. You wouldn’t be on remand for an offence which wasn’t serious and then if it was serious you wouldn’t get a suspended sentence. I’m confused.

Perhaps he also wrote to the judge?

Wherethedogsits · Yesterday 07:44

That’s awful. As a victim of a violent crime resulting in ptsd this has always been one of my worst fears.

grumpygrape · Yesterday 08:49

Lovemycat2023 · Yesterday 07:37

Someone was on remand for an offence and then convicted and got a suspended sentence? That doesn’t really go together. You wouldn’t be on remand for an offence which wasn’t serious and then if it was serious you wouldn’t get a suspended sentence. I’m confused.

Unusual but not impossible.

I'm not saying I disbelieve the OP but am very concerned if the Police were not interested.

TempusFuckit · Yesterday 12:59

Lovemycat2023 · Yesterday 07:37

Someone was on remand for an offence and then convicted and got a suspended sentence? That doesn’t really go together. You wouldn’t be on remand for an offence which wasn’t serious and then if it was serious you wouldn’t get a suspended sentence. I’m confused.

I've been in court when this has happened more than once. The thinking is basically that an immediate custodial sentence would effectively let them out unsupervised very soon, if not on the day, because the time they've been on remand counts towards the sentence.

But if you do a suspended sentence, you can attach conditions to make them go to rehab sessions with probation etc for a year or two. So it allows the system to keep closer tabs on them, and should reduce the chance of reoffending.

Switchnow · Yesterday 16:41

Lovemycat2023 · Yesterday 07:37

Someone was on remand for an offence and then convicted and got a suspended sentence? That doesn’t really go together. You wouldn’t be on remand for an offence which wasn’t serious and then if it was serious you wouldn’t get a suspended sentence. I’m confused.

It happens loads - this is from 2023 but probably not much different now. People aren’t only remanded for serious offences, and not all people accused of serious offences are remanded. https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/6644d25dbd01f5ed32793c5d/infographic-cjsq-2023.pdf

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/6644d25dbd01f5ed32793c5d/infographic-cjsq-2023.pdf

ShapeofanLonmyforehead · Yesterday 20:25

Lovemycat2023 · Yesterday 07:37

Someone was on remand for an offence and then convicted and got a suspended sentence? That doesn’t really go together. You wouldn’t be on remand for an offence which wasn’t serious and then if it was serious you wouldn’t get a suspended sentence. I’m confused.

Yeah well I’m just as baffled as you, I’ve been told he’s persistent, dangerous, me officer emailed me to say he ‘hopefully’ get sentenced for a ‘long time’ and then literally the next day he was sentenced and they were all suspended sentences. You can probably understand my frustration.

I’ve written to our MP now. I’ve tried to get hold of several other people from the police force and everyone is either on holiday or hasn’t got back to me in weeks now so I’m fed up.

OP posts:
Lovemycat2023 · Yesterday 20:27

ShapeofanLonmyforehead · Yesterday 20:25

Yeah well I’m just as baffled as you, I’ve been told he’s persistent, dangerous, me officer emailed me to say he ‘hopefully’ get sentenced for a ‘long time’ and then literally the next day he was sentenced and they were all suspended sentences. You can probably understand my frustration.

I’ve written to our MP now. I’ve tried to get hold of several other people from the police force and everyone is either on holiday or hasn’t got back to me in weeks now so I’m fed up.

Another poster above shared a good visual about how it’s not actually that unusual so I stand corrected. And ICO formal complaint is the way forward - good luck.

CandidHedgehog · Today 12:51

If he got less than 12 months, there is a new Sentencing Act that says all sentences under 12 months must be suspended unless a very limited exception applies.

It’s meant to address prison overcrowding.

MatronPomfrey · Today 14:45

Lovemycat2023 · Yesterday 07:37

Someone was on remand for an offence and then convicted and got a suspended sentence? That doesn’t really go together. You wouldn’t be on remand for an offence which wasn’t serious and then if it was serious you wouldn’t get a suspended sentence. I’m confused.

Sometimes the offence someone is on remand for is serious enough that they got remanded. Then when they go to court, they plea guilty to a lower offence which is accepted by the CPS. I work for the MOJ. First thing I do is compare the original charges to the actual conviction.

ShapeofanLonmyforehead · Today 17:20

CandidHedgehog · Today 12:51

If he got less than 12 months, there is a new Sentencing Act that says all sentences under 12 months must be suspended unless a very limited exception applies.

It’s meant to address prison overcrowding.

They were all over 24-28 months 😩 I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s to do with overcrowding.. but jeez can’t they just kick out one of the mums who took their kids on holiday during term time?

OP posts:
Switchnow · Today 17:41

ShapeofanLonmyforehead · Today 17:20

They were all over 24-28 months 😩 I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s to do with overcrowding.. but jeez can’t they just kick out one of the mums who took their kids on holiday during term time?

And put him in a women’s prison? Er, no…

Two2TooAlsoToToward · Today 17:42

ShapeofanLonmyforehead · 19/08/2026 18:50

Police had admitted to a GDPR breach on their end, but that’s it. No apology, no investigation. Just ‘there’s been a GDPR breach on our end’ 🙃

I’d follow up on this—sounds like you’re not banging on doors high enough up the org chart. GDPR breaches, by law, don’t allow for an, “Oh well, we had a GDPR breach. 🤷‍♀️” WHAT, exactly, is being DONE? Heads are supposed to roll for this sort of thing. They could get serious fines if they aren’t complying with the law.

MustTryHarderAndHarder · Today 18:00

Switchnow · Today 17:41

And put him in a women’s prison? Er, no…

No, obviously have a separate wing for the men!

Switchnow · Today 18:08

MustTryHarderAndHarder · Today 18:00

No, obviously have a separate wing for the men!

That’s not how it works, mens and women’s prisons are completely separate.

Nearly50omg · Today 18:39

Write to the judge and the lawyers involved is my recommendation

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