I (40F) am originally from an Asian country but moved to the UK a few years ago after meeting my English husband (40M). We now have a 4-year-old daughter.
I have a small, close-knit group of friends from secondary school: two women (Mary and Susan) and one man (James), all around 40. We've known each other for decades and have been there for many of life's major milestones. I was a bridesmaid at Mary's wedding, and Susan was my maid of honour. I consider them my core group of friends.
Since moving to the UK, I've been taking my daughter back to my home country roughly every six months because my parents still live there. I'm an only child, so it's important to me that my daughter gets plenty of time with her grandparents, especially as they are getting older. I also try to arrange meetups with my friends while we're there, but because everyone works full-time and our schedules are difficult to coordinate, it's not always possible for all of us to meet together. Sometimes we manage a group meetup; other times, I see them individually.
This trip, however, has left me extremely disappointed in my friends.
Because of the insane cost of airfare, I decided to try a new airline with a very short connection in Frankfurt. Unfortunately, we missed the connecting flight and were rebooked onto the next flight, which was 24 hours later.
The original plan was:
1/8: Land in my home country
2/8 evening: Meet my friends and their children
Because of the missed connection, I didn't actually arrive until 2/8. When I realised we'd missed the flight, I initially told my friends that I could still meet them because I could take a taxi directly from the airport to the venue, which was only about 15 minutes away.
However, just before landing, I reconsidered. My parents were coming to pick us up, and after a 14-hour flight, plus an additional 24 hours of waiting around at the airport while entertaining a 4-year-old, I was completely exhausted. I decided that it made more sense to go home with my parents and let my daughter spend her first evening with her grandparents rather than immediately going to meet my friends.
I texted the group to ask if we could reschedule.
I was immediately met with anger. They accused me of ruining their plans and being flaky and unreliable. I explained that our flight had been delayed by 24 hours, that we'd spent an exhausting additional day travelling and waiting around with a young child, and that I wanted my daughter to spend some time with her grandparents.
Instead of understanding, the animosity continued.
Mary, who is also a mother, said that my daughter had two weeks with her grandparents, so this pre-scheduled meeting should take priority. I reminded her that the situation had changed because of the 24-hour flight delay and that both my daughter and I were exhausted. I also said that I hoped she could understand why family came first in this situation.
Susan then chimed in with: "PM us individually to meet up and we decide if our schedules are free."
At that point, I left the group chat. I feel like the friendship is effectively over.
I do acknowledge that I probably should have told them immediately, when I first missed the connection, that I wouldn't be able to make the meetup rather than initially saying I could still attend and then changing my mind. I genuinely wasn't thinking clearly at that point, though. I'd just spent an exhausting day trying to navigate an airport with a 4-year-old and get us onto another flight.
What really upset me was the extent of their reaction. I expected some disappointment because they'd made plans, but I didn't expect what felt like anger, accusations and a complete lack of sympathy for the circumstances.
James, the male friend in the group, defended me in the chat and has been supportive. My husband also feels that my friends' reaction was unnecessarily harsh.
So, AIBU? More generally, how could I or my friends have handled this situation better? Was I unreasonable for prioritising my daughter and elderly parents after a 24-hour travel delay, or were my friends justified in being upset because I had already committed to the plans?