AIBU to leave my toddler in an enclosed outside space while I ordered at a cafe?

[Russetboots]

Would you leave your toddler sitting outside in a cafe garden whilst you ordered food inside?

I did this today. I could see my toddler the whole time, he was smiling and waving, as I ordered food. I took about 2 minutes before I returned to him, but the lady at the next table looked shocked that I had left him there.

I would not have left him if a) it wasn't an enclosed garden space where he couldn't leave, b) I couldn't see him the whole time c) he was unhappy.

Just wondering from the lady's reaction if my judgement is off.

I think it's fine. But then when we're in a cafe, I send my 3yo (almost 4) up to the counter to order her own snack/ice cream or ask for tap water (within my sight) while I stay at the table and I think that's fine too, so maybe I'm not the best judge. My friend won't let her 8yo do these things. Just different parenting approaches.

No I wouldn’t. DD wouldn't have left my side anyway- or would have screamed the place down thinking I’d abandoned her. DS would have caused no end of disruption within a few seconds. I’d also worry that they might get in the way of hot drinks etc being carried about.

Thank you for your replies, especially for being non-judgemental. I was preparing myself for really outraged responses!

In balance, I do now think I have been irresponsible.

As many people have pointed out, I am making many assumptions here - that something wouldn't scare him, he would not have left the table to find me, he would not have bumped into someone with hot drinks, that my ordering process would be smooth (someone could ask me a question or a declined payment could have distracted me).

I often used to take risks in life (travelling alone to random not always safe places in the world etc) so I think my judgement is a bit off since having dc.

The comments reminded me of a poster at a hospital I saw once that said a big reason very young children end up in hospital is parents underestimate what their child can/ would do.

From now on he is coming with me (unless the till is next to our table!)

No I would not do it ever but I noticed lately how lax parenting has gone, I have seen a few examples of this lately and I’m wondering is it because life is just gone so busy with so many distractions.

We have all done things like this, leave them on the bed and suddenly they roll off. It’s hard to get it right all the time but this was definitely risky and I would never do it again. A hot drink is not a priority but their safety is.

So when you ordered your food you could see him. You looked at him not at the person behind the counter ? Its not worth it. Just take him with you. He is to young.

Yeah, i think this is fine as long you can see them, they are happy, safe and not annoying anyone.
I think it makes a difference thst he is over three tbough, an actual toddler i might have answered differently.

Would you have left your handbag, phone and cash outside on display in the enclosed space while you ordered and watched from a distance? If yes it was probably a safe place to leave a toddler. It’s good to give children a taste of independence and you may know your own child well but you don’t know everyone around you.

But when the checkout is taking your order and you're tapping your card, you're looking away. James bulger

I wouldn't. I only recently started leaving my 8 yr old to run back into the house to grab something or whatever. (On road parking) But he's a very anxious kid. I might leave my 5 yr old. I still think why would you though?

I like this analogy

When you say enclosed space, do you mean the only exit was through the building, right past where you were standing?

So no gate? No fence your child could have been lifted over? Just a high fence/high walled area with only one narrow corridor out, right past you?

And you could see him the whole time? Could see him if you looked / when you looked to check or had eyes on him the whole time when walking to the till and during ordering etc? You didn't take your eyes off him the whole time?

If there was no way out (I.e. it's the back garden and you walk through the cafe to get there, no side gate, no hazards like a pond etc) then probably ok with a sensible 3yo. Otherwise no.

From the minute you get to take your baby home, you have to start making decisions- and not everyone makes the same ones. You know your child - you could see them all the time- they don’t sound like a runner (!)- you felt fine to leave them - and you were right. It also helps build a child’s confidence to be trusted to wait when they can see you are near.
Don’t be derailed by the apparent disapproval of some else who you don’t even know.

An awful lot more people have an incentive to steal a handbag. And you can run much faster than with a toddler. Of course you have to balance that against losing the toddler being far worse. But realistically it's not going to happen and building independence is good in toddlers. My main worry would be that he could get up and walk into someone carrying hot drinks. So I'd assess the likely paths of travel. And assess the child and the mood they were currently in.

I think this is totally fine OP. Try not to care about what random people think.

You haven't be irresponsible, OP, but it's fine to change your view on this and decide you're not going to risk it again.