AIBU to end things over his constant pointless lies?

[DownTheJohn]

Been seeing someone for a few months and I’ve now caught him out on at least 3 stupid lies.

1. he told me he had a dog, a husky called Bear. He would talk about this dog almost daily “I took Bear to the beach today” “just been watching tv with bear” “bear has vets tonight at 4pm” etc. first time I went to his house there were no signs of a dog at all so I said “where is bear?” He looked confused, then panicked and then said “oh he died unfortunately” so I said “when?? Because late last night you said you were walking him early this morning …”. He said he died last night so I said “and you never mentioned it? Come on …” so he admitted he didn’t have a dog but bear did exist, it’s his sisters dog. This also turned out to be a lie.
2. He told me he had joined the Conservative Party and was considering running as a councillor. This turned out to be a complete lie.
3. he told me today that he had gone to see the Monet exhibition in the local art gallery. Yet tonight he was on the phone and I heard him confirm with his boss that he had worked a full day today starting at 9am and finishing at 5. Afterwards I said “thought you were at art gallery today?” So he stumbled on his words and said “oh - no - well yes I was but that was yesterday, I got my days mixed up” he literally called me at 2pm saying he had just left the art gallery!! I was meant to be staying at his house tonight but I’ve come home telling him I can’t be doing with the constant stupid lies. AIBU

I'm surprised you even need to ask! Surely you don't want to be in a relationship and never have any idea whether your partner is telling the truth or not.

Very odd indeed. Sounds like he couldn't lie straight in bed.

Why isn’t this a post telling us you already broke up???

You would be unreasonable to stay with him!!!

🙄 God forbid. Seriously, something wrong with people, by that, I mean you.

Who's the weirdo 1%? For what reason do you think she should continue to date a fantasist and liar?

I met a guy like this once. The problem was that he interspersed his lies with truthful statements so it was difficult to pin him down.

He said he had 2 degrees. (True)
He told me he was a bus driver (True) and he lived in a 4 bed detached house (True) which he owned.(False, his parents owned it )
He had a daughter who lived with his parents (True/False she was at boarding school)
He said the mother of his child was in a psychiatric unit (False she was in prison)
He said his dad owned a racehorse. (True)
He said he had a cleaner provided by his parents. (True)
He said that next-door's cat was always coming in the house and making a mess (False, they didn't have a cat and neither did he)
He said he picked up his daughter and took her to school on the bus he drove because the bus went past the school (False)

I put a stop to the relationship - such as it was - after a couple of months because my head was spinning.

Be careful - sounds abnormal, so it could be dangerous to call crazy out, so maybe just make up a reason and run, not necessarily exposing the lies?

Bravo 🤣🤣🤣! OP, You must include that you are quite conservative in who you share your life with! 😂

Yes, me too, it's fascinating! Why do they do this? It's so odd

@DownTheJohn I'd have dumped him at the first lie about the dog.

Run a mile. Ref flag.

He either has a mental issue (I mean a proper clinical issue) or something in his past that's making him live in a fantasy world, perhaps some trauma that he shies away from confronting.

Unless you're in deep and are willing to stand by while he gets counseling I'd get out of this.

Let him know that you can't have a serious relationship if you can't trust what he's saying and also that he should talk to somebody about this because he'll not be able to hold down a relationship or even a job in the long run.

Yes my DD had a friend like this primary school too. One day she said they were moving house so she would have to change schools as well. My DD was quite upset. I happened to bump in to her dad at school drop off and said, oh I hear you're leaving us!...etc....he looked at me confused and his DD looked mortified lol.
This was just one of countless lies. It's annoying but fascinating at the same time. Presumably it was just attention seeking?? Hopefully she's grown out of it but even as a child my DD didn't do this so perhaps it's something that stays with you in to adulthood...?

You’re allowed to dump someone for their political beliefs you know 🙄. Not unusual not to want fo date someone who you feel holds fundamentally different views to you.

Yes I've never seen a straight 100% vote yet!

I disagree, don't explain anything,just end it. You don't know how he'll react when you call him.out on his lies.

Yep a billy liar right there.

He has serious issues as in his head he has an alternative life playing out - RUN!

I've known 2 liars just like this

One was a lass (at the time she was 17)

She claimed (3 times) to have been pregnant (with twin girls) and 3 times they where stillborn (with pictures of dead babies lifted from google)

She finally fell pregnant (with a boy) and she avoids me like the plague

She's pregnant again so hopefully she'll have the girl she craves so badly

The other was an exs brother

No matter what it was,he'd lie about it

From the time he went to bed to my parents sat behind him in a cafe while listening to him tell some poor lass that he was in the sas and couldn't tell her anything as 'it's state secrets'

He couldn't lie straight in bed-he lied about everything (and I mean everything) and when people called him out on it,he'd either deny it or double down on his lies

Throw this one back-hes not worth it

How weird. I wouldn’t even tell him. Just block.

Yikes. Whatever his reason is for this it sounds like a recipe for disaster. Don’t make it your disaster.

do you even need to ask this?

to be honest though i find myself asking a question and is it worse to lie about becoming a tory councillor or actually being a tory councillor?

I think it becomes a habit after a while and they don't even think about why they are doing it. I think it usually comes from feeling insecure or inadequate, but it can also be anxiety based. My exh was a bit like this, but his lies were less ridiculous. He had lots of childhood trauma and spent a lot of his childhood let down by his parents and a lot of time by himself making up fantasies that eventually became real in his head. That then just continued as he became an adult. A lot of his lies were sort of half-truths, and all of them seemed pointless. He spent the first 8-9 months of our relationship lying about his job for example. He worked for the company he said he worked for, but he didn't have the role he told me he had.

Either way, sharing your life with someone who lies that much is completely pointless as you don't know who you are actually with. They become this false person and without trust there is nothing of value in a relationship.

I dated someone like this once but I initially dismissed it as not important. It was over really stupid stuff too. One time he picked me up and apologised for being late, saying he’d gone to fill up the car at the petrol station and bumped into an old friend, got chatting etc. Literally 10 mins later, the petrol red light came on. ‘Err, I thought you’d gone to fill up the car?’ Turns out he hadn’t, hadn’t bumped into an old friend, he’d just lost track of time at home and made up the story. I remember saying ‘why not just tell the truth?’ He didn’t know why other than ‘it just sounded better’. He couldn’t understand why this was a problem for me. He had this pathological fear of ‘getting into trouble’ and he concocted stupid stories about everything. By the end, my brain was frazzled as I simply never knew what was true.

In your case, this will likely be a lifelong habit for him and isn’t easily cured. It’ll be rooted in wanting to impress you or in wanting to look good. You’ll probably find that on some level, as he’s saying this stuff, he believes it himself. He’ll tell himself ‘well, I WANTED to go and see the art exhibition’ so in his head, that’s almost the same thing as ACTUALLY going.

If you want a partner you can trust implicitly, this isn’t him.

YANBU and you made the right decision to walk away. A relationship with somebody like this will only leave you in a state of constant confusion and make your head spin.