Family feud and inheritance

[MellowPinkBee]

I adore my brother. Approximately 33 years ago he married an incredibly insecure woman who came from an incredibly disfunctional family. Appalling manners, absolutely no idea how to behave and offended not only our family members but also our parents friends. We were continuously making excuses for her even though she was always such an embarrassment. Family gatherings were always tense to say the least but my parents and I always took the higher ground when she had her continuous digs to make herself feel better about herself. She was insanely jealous of my brothers relationship with our mother and she hurt my mother on so many occasions but my mother said nothing. About 26 years ago we had a family Christmas and she deliberately excluded my son who was about 3 at the time from a Christmas Eve occasion leaving cookies & milk for Santa. After new year, I let my brother know exactly how I felt about her and I was speaking for my parents too, particularly my mother. As a result my brother has not spoken a word to me until in 2023 my father died and my mother followed in 2024. My father’s Will split his estate 50/50 between my brother and I. I divorced my ex husband in 2022 and had to buy my ex out of his equity in the house. due to my age, late 50’s I was limited in the amount I could borrow so my father gave me the shortfall, £89,000. Now my brother is suggesting that I go against the Will and give him half of what my father gave me as that was my father’s intention. Please let me know what you think I should do

@Fleetbug you can write what you want in your Will, but as your child, when the money hits my account, if I disagree with your reasoning I will apportion the money that is now mine, how I see fit. Maybe I was the golden child and you treated my sibling badly. Maybe you were a cantankerous old horror who used money as punishment. Maybe you forgot to update your Will. Doesn't matter, because it's now my money legally and my relationship with my sibling survives you and your piece of paper.

What has your brothers wife got to do with this?
Who is executor of the will? Is there inheritance tax owing? The money your father gave you will be subject to this if so.
I’m giving my son a house now and have written in my Will that my daughter gets the equivalent in cash when I pass away, whatever it is valued at then. Both know this and understand. He lives in the house now and my DD lives with me. Everything divided as equal as possible.
If your father did not make provisions to equalise the gift then that’s it, the remaining value of his estate is divided and you keep the gift. The inheritance tax possibly owed on the £89k is a separate issue.

I’d definitely give half to the brother. It’s a lot of money and it would be wrong to keep it. I don’t understand why you think your brother wants you to ‘go against the wishes of the will’. I also don’t understand why you’ve included all the back story. All that’s relevant is that you’ve had £89k more than your brother.

If you decide to keep it then at least be honest with yourself about what you are doing. You know it would be the wrong thing to do so trying to find a reason to try and justify keeping it is really shady.

Only you know if this was a gift or a loan. Do what your df would have wanted. Also consider how you would feel if the tables were turned

If you legally don't have to split it, which it sounds like you don't as others have already said, then of course it is totally your choice and would depend on how upset your brother would be if you say no and how much you value the chance of any future relationship with him.

No-one here can possibly know that, so anyone saying one way of the other are basing their opinions on their own relationships and preconceptions. I would ignore them all and trust yourself to make the right decision for you.

Yes I think you should give him half back. The will was made before he gave you the money so it should have included that. You open your post with “I adore my brother”, but do you adore him enough to give him his share?

I must say that I do feel sorry for the brother. He quite rightly defended his wife against what we can safely assume was a vitriolic attack. He's now potentially facing financial disadvantage.

OP, what is legally correct isn't necessarily the same as what is morally correct. Think about what your parents would have wanted and act accordingly. And if you're not sure then err on the side of caution and split the £89k with your brother.

Err no.

He doesn't get to rewrite the will, it is as it states, the CF.

Please stand your ground. His choice of partner didn't make any of your lives happy, in a way he's lucky your DF left him anything.

I don’t think she’s confused, she doesn’t want to pay it. Wills often bring out that side of people.

My father gave me the money about a year before he died. He wrote his Will about 10 days before he died because he knew he might not make it. My brother saw the Will and even though my father had a heart attack he still sent emails to him complaining about the Will. My father said in front of a doctor and 3 nurses “what I do with my money while I am alive is my own business, my Will is something else”

True but she said she adores him

You missed the key detail - was this a loan or a gift?

If it was a loan and your parents wanted to treat both their children equally YABU.

The family history is irrelevant.

Why would you give a penny to someone who refuses to talk to you?
You can hold their memory, care about them, but nothing else. He wouldn’t have broken his sulky silence if there wasn’t a big pile of dosh in it. Which no doubt his foul wife would get her mitts on.

If you and your brother had a close relationship and the money issue would ruin it, I'd give him the money he wants.

BUT he hasn't spoken to you for 26 years! And you hate your SIL! Abide by the terms of the will, keep your half of the money - they don't speak to you now and they won't speak to you after. I don't think you have any hope of getting back on good terms with him either way.

Keep the money but make sure you pay the inheritance tax due on the gift your father gave you. Consult a tax lawyer. Are you the executor of your father's will?

We need more information...

Did your brother stop speaking to your parents too, or just you?

Is there a reasonable inheritance to split eg £100,000 each?

How well off is your brother - would an extra £45,000 make a huge difference to him?

Did your father say the money he gave you was a gift or a loan?

Were you repaying him up to his death?

Did he tell you you needed to equalise things with your brother re inheritance?

My thoughts so far:

Your father had a year to change his Will to take account of the money he had already given you.
He did not do so.

Your brother fractured your family. I'm sure that would have caused considerable distress to your parents.

How does he know what your father's intention was re the money you received a few years ago?

In the absence of any more information, I don't think you need to give your brother half the money your father gave you.

Side note: why do you still adore your brother decades after he refused to speak to you? How is that possible when you haven't had a relationship with him for nearly 30 years?!

You should maybe clarify the votes.
Give him nothing. I understand that if his wife was emotionally abusing him, we shouldn't blame him completely, but he was awful to your mum so why should he deserve any money?

Just seen your 22.44 update @MellowPinkBee .

Your brother sounds like a thoroughly unpleasant individual.

He hounded your father about his Will when the poor man was days from death.

For this reason alone I wouldn't be speaking to him again.

Your father made it perfectly clear that the Will was exactly as he wanted it to be.

He did NOT want to give your brother more money to even up what you had already received.

You will be abiding by your father's last wishes by keeping the full amount left to you in his Will.

Stand firm. 💐

Agree.

I'd ignore him, not speak a word to him, just as he has to you for over 20yrs. He's only spoken with you now because he's after money.

I just wouldn't engage with him.

Surely you wil@ have to pay inheritance tax on the 89k from your father as he didn’t live 7years. Seek legal advice

So the extra money earlier was a gift.
is it so hard to say ‘dad intended the money as a gift?’ If so I’d keep it.

Why do you adore your brother? He sounds like a cunt

Then this tells all concerned that your Father was content for you to still have 50% of his estate AFTER you had the house money. He wrote his will saying you split it 50/50 after you had the money for the house. Your brother tried to raise it and your Dad stood firm. Those where your Fathers wishes. End of.

Except of course life is not that simple if you want a relationship with your brother going forward and only you know whether that is of value.

There’s your answer then

This update makes a massive difference.

Your Dad’s will was written after the £89k had been gifted. This was clearly a gift and whilst it forms part of his estate for IHT purposes the intention was when working out your 50% it was excluded.

Your father gifted you the money unless it states otherwise somewhere?
The rest of his estate is halved.
Ignore your brother.
Don't entertain him.