Family feud and inheritance

[MellowPinkBee]

I adore my brother. Approximately 33 years ago he married an incredibly insecure woman who came from an incredibly disfunctional family. Appalling manners, absolutely no idea how to behave and offended not only our family members but also our parents friends. We were continuously making excuses for her even though she was always such an embarrassment. Family gatherings were always tense to say the least but my parents and I always took the higher ground when she had her continuous digs to make herself feel better about herself. She was insanely jealous of my brothers relationship with our mother and she hurt my mother on so many occasions but my mother said nothing. About 26 years ago we had a family Christmas and she deliberately excluded my son who was about 3 at the time from a Christmas Eve occasion leaving cookies & milk for Santa. After new year, I let my brother know exactly how I felt about her and I was speaking for my parents too, particularly my mother. As a result my brother has not spoken a word to me until in 2023 my father died and my mother followed in 2024. My father’s Will split his estate 50/50 between my brother and I. I divorced my ex husband in 2022 and had to buy my ex out of his equity in the house. due to my age, late 50’s I was limited in the amount I could borrow so my father gave me the shortfall, £89,000. Now my brother is suggesting that I go against the Will and give him half of what my father gave me as that was my father’s intention. Please let me know what you think I should do

As long as it was a gift you're probably ok, would it be putting an end to any reconciliation of you didn't. Or is it too late for that?

He doesn’t know that was your father’s intention surely?

If it was, he’d have changed his will to reflect it.

I’d do what the DB suggested.

If it was a loan fair enough, if it was a gift then absolutely no obligation.

Given the bridges have been burnt i wouldn't think twice.
If you were close and it could affect the relationship i might consider it.

Did your brother also stop speaking to your parents?

Legally I don’t think your brother has a leg to stand on.

Likewise I don’t think the previous broken down relationship between you is relevant at all.

I believe my son has been cut out of a will because it was thought we have had more resources from the family than others. So it’s not a particularly unreasonable thought. But your dad had every right to change his will… and he didn’t. Tbh I would probably just say ‘the will is the will’. If it meant the difference between destitution and reasonable life for my sibling, I might reconsider.

Tell your brother to do one.

I don’t think you are going against the will.

Your father lent or gave you £89k and one year later died.

I would “make this right” with my brother my giving him half

All the nonsense about not speaking for 30 years because you and his wife didn’t like each other makes no difference. Your Dad wanted you to both have “half his money” each and so I’d make that happen

If it was meant to be a loan, yes you should give him half. If that hadn’t have happened, your brother would have a lot more inheritance. You should be putting it right, very selfish not to. Was it your father’s intention you got a lot more is what you need to ask yourself.

Surely if that was your father's intention, he would have updated his will to reflect that your DB would get the first £89k and the remainder would be split equally?

Were you ever under the impression this was a loan or early inheritance? If so then maybe your DB has a point and your father just didn't update his will in a timely manner

Unless your father changed his will to reflect this, I don’t think your brother is going to get his way on this one. Are you still estranged now? If so you’re losing nothing by telling him
to piss right off. Sorry for your losses.

So to check the real issue- your dad gifted you a large sum of money in 2022, then your father died the following year, your mother the year after. As this gift wasn’t over 7 years before their deaths, you needed to include ir for inheritance tax purposes, which I assume why your estranged brother knows about it.

Id say no, your dad had a year after your gift to change his will to give your brother more money. You’ve not been friends with your brother since the millennium, I wouldn’t be all that upset about him being pissed off now.

Stick to the will as written.

The background is kind of irrelevant. If your dad wanted to ensure that his estate was properly equally divided, he could have changed his will to give your brother a legacy to match what you had received in his lifetime before the residue was split, this is very common in these circumstances.

depending on the value of the estate however, you may feel,that morally you ought to give your brother part of your share so,that overall equality is achieved.

I know precious little about inheritance laws, but if all is above board then I’d be telling him to sod off.

My mother has a few times lent me large sums money without telling my brother, and without changing her will to reflect it - but she each time gave me explicit instructions that if she died before I finished paying her back, then I must make things right with my brother financially. So of course if anything like this applies then you should honour any word you gave to your father. But otherwise nope.

No, keep the money, it was your dads to do with as he pleased. Your have no relationship with your brother Whether you give him the money or not. So don’t bother. If your dad had wanted to share it he would have.

Your brother is likely to ignore you again, but that was likely anyway.

Surely you’re now paying inheritance tax on this sum since he died within 7 years of giving you the money?

Honestly do as you think your dad would have wanted.

@MellowPinkBee How does your brother know about the £89k?

How much is the 50/50 split excluding the £89k?

Your answer to the second Q determines my opinion to your Q.

Tell him to fuck off (politely).

Just do whatever you have to legally. It doesn't sound like handing over extra money is required so he can swivel, quite frankly.

It depends how large the estate was.

I think it would be fair to give him half, was it a loan or a gift from your Dad?

There's no indication that the joint estate (mother & father) is more than £1m is there?

I don’t understand what the character assassination of your SIL has to do with inheritance?

Nope tell him to do one. Ur father gave u that money whilst he was alive, that was ur dad’s money to do with as he wishes. You owe ur brother jack all. Probably best u continue not speaking to him, seems like horrid brother anyway