Family feud and inheritance

[MellowPinkBee]

I adore my brother. Approximately 33 years ago he married an incredibly insecure woman who came from an incredibly disfunctional family. Appalling manners, absolutely no idea how to behave and offended not only our family members but also our parents friends. We were continuously making excuses for her even though she was always such an embarrassment. Family gatherings were always tense to say the least but my parents and I always took the higher ground when she had her continuous digs to make herself feel better about herself. She was insanely jealous of my brothers relationship with our mother and she hurt my mother on so many occasions but my mother said nothing. About 26 years ago we had a family Christmas and she deliberately excluded my son who was about 3 at the time from a Christmas Eve occasion leaving cookies & milk for Santa. After new year, I let my brother know exactly how I felt about her and I was speaking for my parents too, particularly my mother. As a result my brother has not spoken a word to me until in 2023 my father died and my mother followed in 2024. My father’s Will split his estate 50/50 between my brother and I. I divorced my ex husband in 2022 and had to buy my ex out of his equity in the house. due to my age, late 50’s I was limited in the amount I could borrow so my father gave me the shortfall, £89,000. Now my brother is suggesting that I go against the Will and give him half of what my father gave me as that was my father’s intention. Please let me know what you think I should do

To be pedantic we also only have years. It’s an extreme example but the OP may have been given the money in December 2022 and her father may have died in January 2023.

We don’t know how her father died but it could have been that he didn’t get around to changing the will because he was in ill health and physically unable to.

We don’t even know if her father was open with her brother about the £89k.

Tell him to stick his request up his arse.
He made his choice - his foul wife. He doesn't get to come crawling back now.

The value of the estate is relevant here. If OP effectively gets £139k v her brother's £50k, that's a very different split to £1,589k v £1,500k.

"...my father gave me the shortfall, £89,000" [emphasis added]

As others have said, it all boils down to this, was it a gift or a loan? If it was a gift then that is no longer a part of his estate for the purposes of his will.

In contrast, if it was a loan then it would have remained a part of his estate and the brother would be entitled to half of it.

We were in an identical situation. My dad had to bail out my sister when her lousy husband walked out and she almost became homeless 10 years ago . We lost my dad a year ago. The estate is spilt equally and ignores the several 100,000 he gave her. It was what he wanted. His will was updated two years ago and there was no mention of the money he gave her before.
This is what he wanted and this is right. A Will is a legal document. You don’t owe your brother a thing like my sister doesn’t owe me a thing.
Tell him no and don’t get drawn into any kind of discussion.

It was the OP expressing her opinion of the brother’s wife that caused the brother to stop speaking to her. We have no idea if the brother also cut off ontwct with the parents.
*contact

Those saying that the father should have changed his will, he could easily have been in his 80s and in poor health. He might not have been able to change his will.

If OP only got divorced in 2022 and he passed away in 2023, the money could have changed hands very shortly before his death.

The OP claims she adores her brother, so much that she has to ask MN if he should be treated differently, all because of leaving out treats for Santa 33 years ago.

If you adore your brother as you say, then what is stopping you giving him half of the £89k? Or maybe you don’t adore him that much 🤷‍♀️

That opinion given because her behaviour was disgusting and he needed telling. She upset OP's parents on multiple occasions, was mean to her son and everyone was tiptoeing around her. What did he do when the behaviour was called out? He SIDED WITH HER. Sulked like a teenager and stopped talking to them.

I wouldn't shaft a sibling like this, and would make it fair regardless of what the Will said.

In a similar vein, unless they had done something totally and utterly unforgiveable, if a parent cut my sibling out of their Will, I would cut them back in again via my share.

Hugely depends on context. If your parents were careful and efficient about updating their wills (i assume the wills predated the gift) then its less likely your brother is right that might have been your father's intention, if their wills are 30 years old then less so. I'd also take into account the nature of the new relationship - is this a real rapprochement or just did he can get the money and go back to his wife. In the end, sounds like legally its your call.

You’re over complicating things. I assume your Dad had to sign something at the solicitor’s office when he gave you the £89,000? You wooden have just sent your ex £89,00c, there would have been paperwork, deed changes etc. You have to prove where sums of money that large come from and I imagine he signed to say it was a gift (check with the solicitor you used if you’re not sure) unless the will mentions this £89,000 it’s nothing to do with your brother. You need to forget all the other nonsense and concentrate on the legalities. It’s up to you what you think is morally correct.

If you want opinions on this from a moral point of view: you being non contact with your brother is irrelevant, if your brother continued contact with your parents then I think he deserves half of that money.

What was your fathers intention, was their anything in writing,did he change his will to reflect his intention.
I would get some legal advice .

I would probably give my brother half, so we've been treated fairly/the same.

He stopped talking to the sister. We don’t know about the relationship with the parents.

Exactly. I don’t understand why the OP is confused about what to do.

Tbh none of this is really relevant. OP’s opening line states that she adores her brother, so why would she not give him the money?

Obviously not £44.5k of adoration going on?

It’s amazing how many people are advising OP to essentially ignore a legal document spelling out your fathers wishes. Your brother has no claim to the 89K given to you. If your father felt your brother should have the same amount, then he he would have either a) given your brother £89K at the time, or b) changed his will. He did neither.
If you respect your fathers wishes then respect that he gave you a gift and he also wants you to have half his estate.
Some think this is somehow immoral and not fair. But as a parent of adult children I can easily imagine a situation where I might want to give one child a large gift but not another. One child might go through some misfortune that the other didn’t experience. Giving one a gift does not mean it needs to be somehow paid back in the will.
The purpose of a will is to make it crystal clear in law who is entitled to what. Your brother has no claim on your gift, and your father wants you to have 50-50. It’s bonkers that people are telling you essentially to change your fathers legally expressed wishes.
If you want to give your brother half of the 89K that’s your call- but it’s not what your father wanted.

Clearly!
Perhaps only a token £5k of adoration…

Did your brother also fall out with your parents? I think if so, stick to the letter of the will and do not split the 89k. If your brother was in contact with your parents and if you have been rebuilding a relationship with him since your mum died then you may wish to split the money you were gifted, taking in to account IHT.

Yes but don't forget it was only gifted a few years ago so there may be inheritance tax to pay.

Tell him to do one. He sounds exactly like my brother and your sister in law sounds exactly like mine! If your dad wanted him to have any of it then he'd put it in his will. He didn't and your brothers hearsay wouldn't stand up in a court. He's a greedy chancer who I bet did absolutely nothing for your parents and you did everything for them.

If he stopped talking to your parents then he's lucky to be inheriting anything. I also can't see why he expects you to be so generous when he's not spoken to you for 26 years.
How did he find out about the £89k?

Several posters have pointed out there is no legal obligation to give the brother anything. Whether the op feels a moral obligation is quite different and she may feel she wants to give him that share. A deed of variation allows beneficiaries to change how a deceased person’s estate is distributed so it’s not as if the testator’s wishes cannot be overruled.