AIBU to ask family members to leave for vaping in my house?

[NoSmokingNovaping]

I’m a non smoker / don’t vape. My house is strictly no smoking / vaping.

I don’t expect any guest to ever start doing either in my home and for those who I know smoke/vape I tell them that they are welcome to go outside away from the house.

AIBU to think that when a family member ignores my wishes and vapes TWICE in my home when I leave the room that I’m absolutely allowed to ask them to leave immediately?? It’s my home (I own it I purchased it before I met my now dh and yes we are married so if we divorced he could argue half was his but the reality is I don’t see it that way) he agrees with me anyway for context.

Id gone to the conservatory to grab something and then remembered I needed to ask dh something else so walked back and saw dsd1 vaping ?? I immediately said ‘stop that and get outside !’ And She threw the vape back in her bag instead.

About 30 mins later everyone else was in the garden I went back to run to the loo and saw both dsd1 and 2 vaping AGAIN in the house. I said to them that’s enough - go home now and held the door open for them. They left but immediately called dh - he came through and said no, you know the rules just go home (they are 14 and 16) he said as well he would be calling their mum as she needs to know they are still vaping (it has been an ongoing issue as dsd1 has asthma and they have been telling her to quit).

They are now saying they won’t come here anymore and that I’m unreasonable?

yes you can ask them to leave

yes they can refuse to ever come back.

sounds like you took the easy route out of kicking them out rather than actually addressing their behaviour

We’ve tried they are not meant to vape but they continue to do so and it’s down to dh and his ex to discipline them

The op showed there’s consequences for not following the rules.

well done Op! Vaping is awful.

@NoSmokingNovaping well done for kicking them out

I think at 14, throwing her out all together for vaping was obviously going to result in her not wanting to come back. She’s obviously out of order but she’s a teen and her parents are letting her get away with vaping so she’s obviously going to keep pushing those rules. I don’t think you are unreasonable but I think your DH is a doing a rubbish job, his DDs break the house rules so he just kicks them out and sends them back to be their mums problem instead of parenting them himself. But he’d have been fine if they vaped outside 🤷‍♀️ daft

She’s not their parent, it’s not her issue to address. The dad was right there

Their own father was right there, to do that job.
Not that either he nor his ex-wife is particularly effective, whether it’s disallowing young teenagers to vape anywhere at all, or bringing them up to respect others’ wishes in their own flipping homes! Being so obnoxious in their step-mother’s place is contemptible.
What a putridly behaved pair. DH needs to toughen up and take responsibility for their development.

These are your step children? Who are in your husbands care at this time?!

if so - you are absolutely unreasonable! What if they go home and their mum then throws them out? Awful parenting. Your husband should have removed their vapes and been a damn parent!

You could ask a random relative to leave, but not one of your children.

You might see your home as yours, I am in a similar position and feel the same way, but the fact is that as a home (not a property) it belongs equally to both of you, and you would be a massive cow to throw out one of you children over something so trivial.

Complain and tell them off, but don’t make them unwelcome in their own parent’s home.

Why are you referring to them as OPs children when they are clearly not? If her DH had posted the thread your comment would make sense, but she is not their parent.

Are they allowed to vape in your garden?

I think husband should have removed the vapes from them (espcecially the 14yo) and if they refused then tell them to leave

The 14 year old should have had hers taken from her.

bit dramatic, it's only a bit of vape, your house ain't being cuckooed into a drugs den.

maybe get on the mango and watermelon yourself and have a chill

Her house, though Fairplay if she doesn't want someone vaping in it

Families don’t tend to kick children out of their home for vaping. Most wouldn’t have an alternative venue for a child to go. Their dad should sanction the teenagers as appropriate, not kick them out.

You were absolutely fine to tell them to leave. Disgusting thing to do in your house, and disrespectful after you’d told them to stop.

It doesn’t sound like a very functional family unit if OP doesn’t regard the house as a home for her SDs just because it’s in her name, and feels she can ask them to leave at any time.

They are one of the children of the household and by marrying they father and inviting him to live in her home, she assumed some responsibility for their welfare. Whether she likes it or not.

People shouldn’t marry parents if they aren’t prepared to deal with some of the difficulties that go along with parenting.

They are old enough to follow rules or take the consequense.

Um, is it just me who is weirded out by you saying it’s your house even though you’re married and your husband saying to his own kids he’s going to tell their mother. He’s equally responsible.

i don’t think kicking them out is the answer, but other forms of discipline and talking to them, helping them quit as clearly addicted is key. I also can’t imaging telling my spouse it’s my house.

You kicked children out of their own home because they broke the rules?

Yes, you may have purchased the house, but you then got married, so legally it’s now jointly yours and your DH’s and his DC were in their home with their parent.

Your DH needs to step up as a parent, remove the vapes, talk his DC through the dangers of vaping, give appropriate punishment (removal of pocket money/phone/grounding/whatever) and teach his DC to respect their lungs and health.

But where are they supposed to go now? To their mum’s place during Dad’s contact time? What if she’s having a shag fest with her new man or similar. You can’t expect their mum to be the main parent (& bad guy) just because your DH can’t be arsed to.

They clearly don’t live in her home. And the dad was right there, parenting is his responsibility and he opted out. He’s out of order, but if he can’t be arsed parenting his own kids why should OP?

Pretty sure a man saying he owned the house and kicking his step kids out for napping would be called abusive on Mumsnet…

This sounds really dysfunctional, does DH live in the house or not? If he does, why isn’t it his children’s home too? OP sounds borderline abusive and the DH sounds like a useless father, he shouldn’t be leaving all the discipline to his ex especially with teenagers.

What if the girls go to their mother’s house and vape there, can she kick them out too?