AIBU to ask family members to leave for vaping in my house?

[NoSmokingNovaping]

I’m a non smoker / don’t vape. My house is strictly no smoking / vaping.

I don’t expect any guest to ever start doing either in my home and for those who I know smoke/vape I tell them that they are welcome to go outside away from the house.

AIBU to think that when a family member ignores my wishes and vapes TWICE in my home when I leave the room that I’m absolutely allowed to ask them to leave immediately?? It’s my home (I own it I purchased it before I met my now dh and yes we are married so if we divorced he could argue half was his but the reality is I don’t see it that way) he agrees with me anyway for context.

Id gone to the conservatory to grab something and then remembered I needed to ask dh something else so walked back and saw dsd1 vaping ?? I immediately said ‘stop that and get outside !’ And She threw the vape back in her bag instead.

About 30 mins later everyone else was in the garden I went back to run to the loo and saw both dsd1 and 2 vaping AGAIN in the house. I said to them that’s enough - go home now and held the door open for them. They left but immediately called dh - he came through and said no, you know the rules just go home (they are 14 and 16) he said as well he would be calling their mum as she needs to know they are still vaping (it has been an ongoing issue as dsd1 has asthma and they have been telling her to quit).

They are now saying they won’t come here anymore and that I’m unreasonable?

Does the house belong to both you and your husband?

No, you were not being unreasonable.

They were your DH’s children. It doesn’t give them licence to vape when asked not to. And ignore you and do it again.

🙄

You’re absolutely not unreasonable to say they are never to vape in the house.

You are unreasonable to use sending them “home” as a punishment. If their dad lives there then surely it is their home as much as where their Mum lives?

I would never say to my kids “oh go to your dad’s house” as a consequence for bad behaviour. And mine are teens too before you question the language.

They should have a sanction for this that doesn’t involve treating their dads home as less their home than where their Mum lives.

Edit - it should of course be their dad giving them that consequence for their behaviour not your directly. What if their Mum had plans that didn’t involve teens being at her home?

She says it's her's and so that gives her the right do allow whoever she wants there - no matter they are her step children and she is married to their father.

That's a fair point, but sheeesh, those teenagers really need boundaries to be set and enforced by the adults in their lives working together.

That would be harsh 😂

Yes I agree, she does. It’s a shame that her sackless husband doesn’t provide accommodation for his children and parent them properly!

Sorry @BringBackCatsEyesI quoted your other post!

I understand it's your right to do that, but what happens if they vape in their actual house, can their mum kick them out too? To go where, the streets? They're a child.

Bloody auto correct

vaping

although this is Mumsnet…

I think their dad should've told them to hand over the vapes or leave.

This then puts the ball in their own court.

Its the OPs home - her post is very clear on that.

Its not the SC's "home". They live with their (irresponsible) mom.

Well done the OP for kicking out two spoilt, disobedient and rather rude twerps.

If they think they are old enough to vape, then they are old enough to suffer the consequences too.

But not well done OP for marrying a useless man and father yeah?!

None of us can know the OP's relationship with her DH, ergo, I for one have no comment to add.

Others can chime in - thats not the point of the OP's post, which was disobedient people vaping in her house when the OP does not allow it.

They not just ‘people’ though. It’s not the ‘next door but one neighbours’, they’re her step children whose father can’t provide them with a home or any real parenting and they are children not adults who should be sent to their own homes.

In English?

Yet the 16 year old be allowed to hold on to hers? Surely kids ought not be vaping anywhere, ever.

Openly vaping at their age is bad parenting.
I would have given them a warning that they’d be asked to leave before throwing them out. It is his house too, even if not on paper, sounds like he and his ex have no control.

Their dad should have handled it

Most vapes reek and I wouldn't want the smell in my house either.

Call me old fashioned but I can’t see the sense in paying to destroy your health with fags and vapes. Your place your rules etc but chucking them out is bad form. A bit of education wouldn’t go amiss. Send them some links.

She is saying that it's only a vape, not the gateway to her home being used as a drug den, and then suggests OP use a fruit flavoured vape herself.

These step children are old enough to know the rules. Well done OP fir asking them to leave.
All the idiots shouting dreadful parenting need to shut up. These are not the OP kids and it's her house. She is not responsible for their behaviour. Well done the husband for backing her.

From what I can work out Dad lives with the OP. And he sent them back to Mum saying he would contact them later.
He backed the OP up on them not vaping and to go home to their mum.