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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to discuss A level success without private school spending?

1000 replies

Absorbthecost · 14/08/2026 10:32

Parents/carers who have not spent a penny on Educating their children and they have just received great A level results.

The sacrifices made all the struggle,

I’m interested to discuss families where the child has succeeded without need for private school

https://www.gbnews.com/money/private-school-fees-soar-vat

https://www.ft.com/content/091b214d-231b-414a-8f3e-9ef9fc021926?syn-25a6b1a6=1

Those who did pay,

presumably to secure great results at A level

The same kids off to Uni, placements easier to secure as less international competition. Uni the playing field evens.

And now time to pay for Uni,

https://inews.co.uk/news/education/university-tuition-fees-11000-2030-4705197?srsltid=AfmBOorss52PSHD6xJzisWMdeNxcXDen3IrCGS49nnGH1ZyDnmvTOh_k

A child who did outstanding (without spending a penny) the same result as a family who spent £250k + The above article is a low estimation for a selective U.K. day/ boarding.

The kids holding the same result off to the same Uni, How are families feeling!?…. Did you save to help towards the Uni Fees/accomodation.

Private school fees soar to £216,000 amid VAT raid

A private day school education from reception to A-levels now costs an average of £216,189

https://www.gbnews.com/money/private-school-fees-soar-vat

OP posts:
Thread gallery
34
Pittachip · 16/08/2026 06:27

Bubbles90 · 16/08/2026 03:02

How naive. What Labour did was vindictive and was theatre for their supporters. Parents who send their children to independent scools are paying twice for both the school and for a place at a state school which they won't use. If you are going to tax education, tax it all including the nurseries, academy schools and universities. The pretence that they were going to raise extra funds to invest into state schools has been exposed. Instead of raising funds it's cost taxpayers over £400M as places need to be found for the thousands of children who had to move to state schools. And it doesn't even factor in the loss in jobs and money for local economies and the cost to tax payers in unemployment benefits and loss of tax receipts when these schools close and local people lose their jobs and local businesses lose sales.

Oh come on that’s all a complete stretch. Tax payers pay for all sorts of things they don’t use. The state place is there if you want it, your choice. Putting VAT on a luxury that actually causes a fair amount of damage to society as a whole was something that should have happened ages ago long time ago.

Overnightoats1 · 16/08/2026 07:00

Good academic results are only part of the picture when opting for an independent school. The teenage years are a hugely vulnerable and important time in a child's development. Your lotus of control as a parent becomes less as they get older and their peers become the biggest influence they have. The environment a child learns and develops in during these very important years can shape the adult they become which is why so many parents move to good catchments for state, pay for private etc. Put your kid around 5 children that want to learn and they become the 6th. Put your child around 5 children that don't care academically and they
become the 6th. Most parents will do the best they can for their children whatever option that may be.

Bride2be2027 · 16/08/2026 07:35

My son got 3 A* in maths, further maths and physics. He’s off to study maths at Warwick.
He went to a secondary in what could be classed as in the middle of a huge council area.

Flamingojune · 16/08/2026 07:39

Bride2be2027 · 16/08/2026 07:35

My son got 3 A* in maths, further maths and physics. He’s off to study maths at Warwick.
He went to a secondary in what could be classed as in the middle of a huge council area.

And he managed that despite it 'a hugely vulnerable time' of his life

Pittachip · 16/08/2026 07:41

Overnightoats1 · 16/08/2026 07:00

Good academic results are only part of the picture when opting for an independent school. The teenage years are a hugely vulnerable and important time in a child's development. Your lotus of control as a parent becomes less as they get older and their peers become the biggest influence they have. The environment a child learns and develops in during these very important years can shape the adult they become which is why so many parents move to good catchments for state, pay for private etc. Put your kid around 5 children that want to learn and they become the 6th. Put your child around 5 children that don't care academically and they
become the 6th. Most parents will do the best they can for their children whatever option that may be.

I don’t think that’s true- at all! If children want to study hard they will ( if they’re mentally well enough, don’t have SENs that impact the ability to study and can), if they don’t want to they won’t. You can drag a horse to water and all that. Private schools have their share of mental health problems and kids who don’t want to work hard. Expecting other kids to make your kid study enough to get A*s is frankly ridiculous.

CatkinToadflax · 16/08/2026 07:46

I’m really fascinated to know how posters can know so much about complete strangers’ lived experiences and be able to tell them with such certainty that they’re wrong. None of us knows others’ school, children or circumstances. And OP yes that includes you!

Redburnett · 16/08/2026 07:47

Good state sixth form colleges typically get good A level results, generally better than smaller school sixth forms. In my area students would sometimes move from private to the local sixth form college for A levels.

Overnightoats1 · 16/08/2026 08:11

Pittachip · 16/08/2026 07:41

I don’t think that’s true- at all! If children want to study hard they will ( if they’re mentally well enough, don’t have SENs that impact the ability to study and can), if they don’t want to they won’t. You can drag a horse to water and all that. Private schools have their share of mental health problems and kids who don’t want to work hard. Expecting other kids to make your kid study enough to get A*s is frankly ridiculous.

Edited

You are right - some children will thrive no matter what the environment - some will even do well in large, noisy, disruptive classes. Some will do well despite being in a class with children that don't care. Most children - however will do better in smaller classes surrounded by children that want to be there. There are so many different schools but finding the right environment for your particular child is really important I think. Having gone through the 11+ process - it's not easy to get into the highly selective grammar and private schools - the children- bar the very odd exception would have already shown a great work ethic just to get in.

Pittachip · 16/08/2026 08:14

Overnightoats1 · 16/08/2026 08:11

You are right - some children will thrive no matter what the environment - some will even do well in large, noisy, disruptive classes. Some will do well despite being in a class with children that don't care. Most children - however will do better in smaller classes surrounded by children that want to be there. There are so many different schools but finding the right environment for your particular child is really important I think. Having gone through the 11+ process - it's not easy to get into the highly selective grammar and private schools - the children- bar the very odd exception would have already shown a great work ethic just to get in.

Not necessarily. Grammar schools are easy to get in if you’re bright and they don’t guarantee success. Again mental health, ability to study, lack of SEND alongside what you’re starting with impact that.

CurlewKate · 16/08/2026 08:44

I know it’s a typo, and I am probably only focusing on it to take my mind off the ignorance and “I’m all right, Jack” ery on the thread-but “lotus of control” is my new favorite saying.

strawberrybubblegum · 16/08/2026 09:34

CurlewKate · 16/08/2026 08:44

I know it’s a typo, and I am probably only focusing on it to take my mind off the ignorance and “I’m all right, Jack” ery on the thread-but “lotus of control” is my new favorite saying.

Thanks for pointing out the charming 'lotus of control'. It's made me smile too.

It hasn't quite managed to take my mind off the poster calling someone else's child a 'sparkly turd' for being privately educated.

SwirlyGates · 16/08/2026 09:35

JJWT · 15/08/2026 22:50

Are you joking? My kid lives in a level 2 postcode area, got 4 A*s and is off to Cambridge to show the posh twats what talent looks like.

If your kid starts off his studies at Cambridge assuming the other kids are "posh twats" and he is more talented, he could do with some sense putting into his big head.

strawberrybubblegum · 16/08/2026 10:57

OP, it's obvious from your posts that you're not British.

It's possible you're deliberately stirring up existing UK social division... but maybe there's just a bit of a mismatch because you're missing some UK cultural perspective.

So on the chance that you actually do have a 10 year old at a private school you're not happy with and you're disillusioned with the whole promise of a UK future, here's the UK take you might be missing:

1.A very British-valued way to help your DC is by supporting them to genuinely become the best possible version of themselves. That starts with your parenting. Treating their education as a paid road to grades will help them less than supporting them from wherever they are as an individual to achieve the best they possibly can in a direction that's right for them. The UK preference is to do that through support rather than shaming - we think it develops a better character.

2.You really need to put your own personal effort into their education, not just money. You've chosen their private school badly - which suggests you didn't put in sufficient research and effort when choosing it (eg moving if necessary, tutoring and support for selective entrance, identifying specialisms like music in schools which would boost their application). If you switch to either another private school or a state school with as little thought, you will likely be just as disappointed

3.You also need to put in effort whilst they're there: taking an interest in their education and their friendships, encouraging them to make good choices and follow up opportunities. This is parenting. No school will fully do that for you: although some will make it easier than others.

4.If your DC is 10, then they are presumably about to go into year 6. This gives you the opportunity to change for secondary at the natural transition point. So your complaint that the schools are full makes no sense.

5.You just about still have time to make a difference to which state school they have access to (although you should have started looking around 2 years ago. Yes, it's a hassle. That's what I mean by putting in effort.)
UK state schools vary hugely - much more than the difference between private and state. But being at a state school certainly won't block them from any future career, and may even make access easier
a)You can still move before the application deadline to get within distance of a better school, although you will have to make it a priority and move fast
b)You're too late to take the religious route now.
c)there's still time for some last-minute tutoring for selective entrance, but it will have to be intensive and focused on technique for the specific exams
d)probably too late for school specialisms like music, although you should do the research to find possible schools if eg your DC already does music or sport at a high level

6.If your DC is actually about to go into year7 (birthday this month) then it's too late for normal application for state, but you can still go on waiting lists. At this point in the year, it doesn't matter that you didn't apply in time, state school spaces are given on proximity regardless of when you joined the waiting list. There's still often movement even into the first few weeks of term as people shift around. It's not as easy as having the space from the start, but far from a disaster - they'll be there for 5-7 years. Again - this is part of putting in the effort and being flexible.

7.If you would rather stay private, then you could certainly find a great school to move to. The big thing you buy with private school is wider choice - of course, still within constraints. Make use of that freedom! It does still take effort and will. You may (like with state selective) have to do some fast tutoring. You may need to move house (but there's less pressure on home location for private).

8.You can also supplement their education yourself,through tutoring and most importantly through your own influence and engagement. Regardless of sector or school.

9.You can't buy access to a particular set of people. Don't make that part of how you select a school.

10.The right private school can genuinely teach personal skills and strengths that your DC will benefit from throughout their lives. But it's not the only way to get those skills and strengths. The most important thing is your personal engagement: both in choosing the environment (which requires your effort and judgement regardless of sector) and also your support as a parent

If your concern extends to university, and to the suitability of the UK as a place for your DC to make their life, then you should certainly think carefully about what you think is best for your family. You don't need to make sweeping condemnations of UK private education in order to justify a choice for your family which you actively and carefully make.

Ilikesundays · 16/08/2026 10:58

My three dds went to the local state primary school and then to (different) private schools. The eldest, in a class of 40 primary children could not read properly by the age of 8. Her teacher could not remember who she was at a parents’ evening so I took her out and sent her to a prep school where she caught up in one term. The others did well and had they not received scholarships to private schools I would happily have sent them to a comp. They have each had happy and rewarding careers. I think it depends on the school - and sometimes, the child.

strawberrybubblegum · 16/08/2026 11:24

SwirlyGates · 16/08/2026 09:35

If your kid starts off his studies at Cambridge assuming the other kids are "posh twats" and he is more talented, he could do with some sense putting into his big head.

I think what she really meant was:

Thanks for your taxes, which paid for my DC's education (£125.7 billion tax-payer funded per year) and have meant that he has every opportunity open to him in his later life, with no constraints based on what I could provide for him myself.

Sorry that Cambridge's wokery means that he was prioritised over your privately-educated DC - who also got 4 A*s (and would have at my own DC's school too) but weren't offered a place.

I'll still keep harping on about advantage despite that, any time he isn't successful in the future: being completely blind to how my own poor attitude may have affected his.

Overnightoats1 · 16/08/2026 11:32

strawberrybubblegum · 16/08/2026 09:34

Thanks for pointing out the charming 'lotus of control'. It's made me smile too.

It hasn't quite managed to take my mind off the poster calling someone else's child a 'sparkly turd' for being privately educated.

Typo from me but I might keep it! Quite like it too!

Araminta1004 · 16/08/2026 12:58

Is the lotus a reference to the Odyssey and Matt Damon on the lotus leaves fed by Charlize Theron?

Absorbthecost · 16/08/2026 13:43

strawberrybubblegum · 16/08/2026 10:57

OP, it's obvious from your posts that you're not British.

It's possible you're deliberately stirring up existing UK social division... but maybe there's just a bit of a mismatch because you're missing some UK cultural perspective.

So on the chance that you actually do have a 10 year old at a private school you're not happy with and you're disillusioned with the whole promise of a UK future, here's the UK take you might be missing:

1.A very British-valued way to help your DC is by supporting them to genuinely become the best possible version of themselves. That starts with your parenting. Treating their education as a paid road to grades will help them less than supporting them from wherever they are as an individual to achieve the best they possibly can in a direction that's right for them. The UK preference is to do that through support rather than shaming - we think it develops a better character.

2.You really need to put your own personal effort into their education, not just money. You've chosen their private school badly - which suggests you didn't put in sufficient research and effort when choosing it (eg moving if necessary, tutoring and support for selective entrance, identifying specialisms like music in schools which would boost their application). If you switch to either another private school or a state school with as little thought, you will likely be just as disappointed

3.You also need to put in effort whilst they're there: taking an interest in their education and their friendships, encouraging them to make good choices and follow up opportunities. This is parenting. No school will fully do that for you: although some will make it easier than others.

4.If your DC is 10, then they are presumably about to go into year 6. This gives you the opportunity to change for secondary at the natural transition point. So your complaint that the schools are full makes no sense.

5.You just about still have time to make a difference to which state school they have access to (although you should have started looking around 2 years ago. Yes, it's a hassle. That's what I mean by putting in effort.)
UK state schools vary hugely - much more than the difference between private and state. But being at a state school certainly won't block them from any future career, and may even make access easier
a)You can still move before the application deadline to get within distance of a better school, although you will have to make it a priority and move fast
b)You're too late to take the religious route now.
c)there's still time for some last-minute tutoring for selective entrance, but it will have to be intensive and focused on technique for the specific exams
d)probably too late for school specialisms like music, although you should do the research to find possible schools if eg your DC already does music or sport at a high level

6.If your DC is actually about to go into year7 (birthday this month) then it's too late for normal application for state, but you can still go on waiting lists. At this point in the year, it doesn't matter that you didn't apply in time, state school spaces are given on proximity regardless of when you joined the waiting list. There's still often movement even into the first few weeks of term as people shift around. It's not as easy as having the space from the start, but far from a disaster - they'll be there for 5-7 years. Again - this is part of putting in the effort and being flexible.

7.If you would rather stay private, then you could certainly find a great school to move to. The big thing you buy with private school is wider choice - of course, still within constraints. Make use of that freedom! It does still take effort and will. You may (like with state selective) have to do some fast tutoring. You may need to move house (but there's less pressure on home location for private).

8.You can also supplement their education yourself,through tutoring and most importantly through your own influence and engagement. Regardless of sector or school.

9.You can't buy access to a particular set of people. Don't make that part of how you select a school.

10.The right private school can genuinely teach personal skills and strengths that your DC will benefit from throughout their lives. But it's not the only way to get those skills and strengths. The most important thing is your personal engagement: both in choosing the environment (which requires your effort and judgement regardless of sector) and also your support as a parent

If your concern extends to university, and to the suitability of the UK as a place for your DC to make their life, then you should certainly think carefully about what you think is best for your family. You don't need to make sweeping condemnations of UK private education in order to justify a choice for your family which you actively and carefully make.

Edited

Don’t make assumptions and your own misconceptions of my intention behind my post.

  1. British through and through.
  2. At point of Private school sign up they sell you the dream. You are not aware that you become the funding source for the school.
  3. The greater the school financial difficulties. The greater the reliance on your money.
  4. Money you invested at (2.) you begin to see allocated elsewhere.
  5. NOT value for money set to get worse.
  6. Independent schools do not want their internal benefits-bill to be exposed. They survive by recruiting.
  7. 10 years of financial mismanagement the sector was already ‘questionable’ triple whammy of Taxes and they’re unsustainable.
  8. This is all new. If I had this information when I accepted my child’s place at selective school (a top one outside of London) would I contract our family into such insecurity. No.

I want families to really research and study financial records and think about what they’re paying for. There is a balanced argument for many it’s not about finance alone it’s principle. The internal benefits bill cannot increase! Think before you sign legal contract.

OP posts:
Absorbthecost · 16/08/2026 13:46

Absorbthecost · 16/08/2026 13:43

Don’t make assumptions and your own misconceptions of my intention behind my post.

  1. British through and through.
  2. At point of Private school sign up they sell you the dream. You are not aware that you become the funding source for the school.
  3. The greater the school financial difficulties. The greater the reliance on your money.
  4. Money you invested at (2.) you begin to see allocated elsewhere.
  5. NOT value for money set to get worse.
  6. Independent schools do not want their internal benefits-bill to be exposed. They survive by recruiting.
  7. 10 years of financial mismanagement the sector was already ‘questionable’ triple whammy of Taxes and they’re unsustainable.
  8. This is all new. If I had this information when I accepted my child’s place at selective school (a top one outside of London) would I contract our family into such insecurity. No.

I want families to really research and study financial records and think about what they’re paying for. There is a balanced argument for many it’s not about finance alone it’s principle. The internal benefits bill cannot increase! Think before you sign legal contract.

https://www.thetimes.com/money/family-finances/article/private-school-worth-it-comment-wdcs52kn2

The mismanagement of Independent school finance is causing their downfall. 1/3 on benefits paid for by the remaining 2/3 (so far!…)

Verifying Device

https://www.thetimes.com/money/family-finances/article/private-school-worth-it-comment-wdcs52kn2

OP posts:
Absorbthecost · 16/08/2026 13:50

Absorbthecost · 16/08/2026 13:46

https://www.thetimes.com/money/family-finances/article/private-school-worth-it-comment-wdcs52kn2

The mismanagement of Independent school finance is causing their downfall. 1/3 on benefits paid for by the remaining 2/3 (so far!…)

Do the math.

You can’t afford it, (1/3) you should leave. Many are.

You can afford it (perhaps with the cost cutting and economising, lower standards) you decide you’d prefer some other big ticket item instead. Many are.

You have more money than sense it’s just a fancy uniform, secure day care and convenient to your schedule. Your choice regardless.

OP posts:
strawberrybubblegum · 16/08/2026 13:50

I was giving you the benefit of the doubt. Your language pattern certainly doesn't sound British.

I guess I have to assume the first option was right then, and you're just stirring up social tension.

I guess your posts a bit better than the automated bot we had a few weeks ago which kept ranting about teacher discounts. Interesting.

WhyDontILearn · 16/08/2026 13:51

Absorbthecost · 16/08/2026 13:50

Do the math.

You can’t afford it, (1/3) you should leave. Many are.

You can afford it (perhaps with the cost cutting and economising, lower standards) you decide you’d prefer some other big ticket item instead. Many are.

You have more money than sense it’s just a fancy uniform, secure day care and convenient to your schedule. Your choice regardless.

*Maths.

Absorbthecost · 16/08/2026 14:00

strawberrybubblegum · 16/08/2026 13:50

I was giving you the benefit of the doubt. Your language pattern certainly doesn't sound British.

I guess I have to assume the first option was right then, and you're just stirring up social tension.

I guess your posts a bit better than the automated bot we had a few weeks ago which kept ranting about teacher discounts. Interesting.

Edited

Prime example,

These are the stereotypical “independent educated” fools who pass judgement on wider society. Narrow minded, preconceived notions. Entirely outdated in today’s society.

Not two pennies to rub together believing they are entitled to private school as only that will do for them (without the funds to pay for it). You are the “private school” stereotype the rest of society and the Labour government cannot wait to see taken back down to reality.

OP posts:
strawberrybubblegum · 16/08/2026 14:01

WhyDontILearn · 16/08/2026 13:51

*Maths.

'Daycare' as well.

It's the missed words which are the biggest giveaway though.

Absorbthecost · 16/08/2026 14:02

WhyDontILearn · 16/08/2026 13:51

*Maths.

Well look at you honey,

A*

All those hours your parents spent on those intrusive bursary applications paid off!

OP posts:
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