So fed up of everyone being off school and uni.

[Treetreetreetree]

I need all my children to go back to University or school.
The eldest has been off since May and although she has a job she is just here a lot.
All of them have boyfriends and friends and they all eat and drink so much. I’m never alone. I miss being alone in my house.
Sometimes there is no where to sit because of all the children and the boyfriends.

I’ve taken to driving the long way home from work - so I can be alone for a bit longer.
They’re all lovely, kind and considerate and I know I’m awful because obviously I decided to have them but why can’t they sometimes all go out at the same time?!

Sometimes I’ll be watching TV or reading a book and one will arrive for a chat or to catch up. Isn’t that lovely? They want to see how I am or ask me about something. But I don’t want to talk.

Also why can’t people now just have toast, cereal or a bloody sandwich? Someone is always making a yogurt bowl or overnight oats. They make complicated salads and one basic meal turns into a whole kitchen of chaos.
I might book a night in a hotel.

I miss those days, with a house full of children, friends, dogs and husband. I loved the chaos.
A house with just me (widow) and one dog is just too quiet. Thank goodness for grandchildren to disturb the peace!

They can clean up the kitchen. Start with that.

No I don't either. I have a perfectly happy life without them being under my feet. Don't miss them at at.

And have a good relationship with them all

Mums aren't allowed to want space for themselves on MN.

Sounds like you need to enforce some boundaries OP.

So it seems.

I wouldn't want to be with a partner around me non stop either.

I enjoy time to myself

My DS is moving out shortly. Can't wait.
I will still be seeing him every week. He can't wait either. We do not have a big house.
Surely this is normal.

Tell them they can clean the house while your at work today too and go shopping themselves. Why are you paying for a extra 4 boyfriends food out of your pocket? They're adults.

Yep I didn’t miss it either when dd was off at uni. I enjoyed the peace!

Solidarity with you OP. I have teenagers off and I also have my parents staying all summer like they do every year. It's like having 5 children.

Just an hour alone at home without anyone asking me anything would be nice.

OMG why do they do this?

My DD is the same. Her and her boyfriend cooking a full breakfast at midnight. 😂Extractor fan going and all windows open 🙄At least she does clean up and wash up properly after herself but it often annoys my DH and I as we live in a bungalow so are not that far away from the kitchen.

I agree about the food shop too. It is double the amount when she is home from Uni.

I am quite lucky in that my DD and her boyfriend split their time between ours, her boyfriends house (she has currently been there for 4 nights, due back today) and their apartment in Liverpool where they live whilst at Uni.

Book that hotel and enjoy every moment of it. Don’t make your children feel unwelcome because that’s not what you’re saying, you just want a little bit of peace, I get it. My children have all left home now, but I remember it well. I wouldn’t have the boyfriends or girlfriends staying over night that way they are not so keen to be at your house, that worked well for me. The summer will soon be over OP and normal life will resume.

can you tell them all to be out on Friday/Sat evening as you need the house to yourself?

sounds like they’re all young adults. Pretty soon they will be gone and the house will be permanently quiet 😢

Absolutely. Couldn’t agree more. Some parents seem afraid of their own kids. They are probably at her house all the time because the parents of the friends won’t put up with it. Some crap advice on here, too. A hotel??? Driven out of her own home and giving these kids full rein? Sorry OP but it’s your fault.

Some young adults have the audacity to treat their house as a home. Wouldn’t have happened in my day.

But it's also the parents home. They are just as entitled to have peace at home especially as they are bloody paying for it

My DS has been home since April he has disabilities which I won’t go in to but about two months ago he had a medical emergency which now means he can’t be left on his own so between both me and DH working full time we are now having to work around someone always being in with DS what I would give to have the house to myself for a day or just being able to go out on my own but if DH is at work and I’m off DS has to come with me DS is absolutely no bother but I feel like I’ve been transported back to his younger years of needing childcare it’s a lot more difficult to ask someone to stay with him now he’s an adult
OP I feel your pain but they will soon be back at Uni but if possible do try and get away somewhere for a night or two

It doesn’t mean they are scared of their own kids or any such nonsense. More likely they recognise it is very temporary so endure it for the sake of future relationships.

This is the second thread this week stating “I have too many people in my house” from a mum of 4, do people really not think this stage of life through when having a large family?! You def need to warn those on the threads wondering if a third or fourth baby would be nice lol. Baby yes lovely, another fully grown person in 16 years time less so 🤣

Well, yes, that too. I would go mad if I had 4.

Solidarity and sympathy, @Treetreetreetree
I love my family, but I also like and need peace, space, calm and order. And that is OK. It is my home too. I have boundaries, I have rules. I host them and their mates en masse and very generously from time to time but not ALL the time. They know their friends are welcome. Their friends also know they are welcome and will always stop for a chat when out and about or come over to say a proper hello at school/community/social events. My DC’s attitudes vary within the family - from generally v grateful and appreciative to grasping, thoughtless and entitled. Same upbringing, different people. Some respond to feedback positively, some don’t. It is hard. Sometimes I deliberately don’t restock the food or drinks and don’t comment, explain or apologise - a bit of scarcity generally provides the space for them to make another plan. No one challenges it, assuming it’s because work/life is busy. Often it is - but not always. No partners sleeping over helps, for sure. Currently spending a lot of time internally chanting “this too will pass”, reminding myself it won’t be forever and enjoying the good stuff. I cannot remember the last time I was home alone, someone is ALWAYS bloody here. Making my own room a lovely private sanctuary helps. There is an autumn term time morning coming when I will luxuriate in the quiet solitude. No apologies, no regrets!

Where did I say anything about parents being scared of their kids?

And how temporary is temporary? I had kids in the house from eldest being born 1991 until 2022 when youngest went to uni. Luckily he was either travelling or working in long uni holidays so not hanging around for months on end and moved in with girlfriend in 3rd year of uni else it could've stretched in even longer

Fully agree with this. Why are you tolerating 4 grown adult MEN living off you? I understand it can creep up on you, but once you realise what's going on, I don't think this is an example I'd want to set to my daughters.

Definitely make it clear the house needs to be fully cleaned before you return from work.

100% … could even consider emigrating

Totally agree with you, the school and uni holidays are far too long. It will never change though as teaching unions are too strong and they will never allow a change to shorten the holidays. I always thought if they cut school holidays to just a week at Christmas, a week at Easter and 2 weeks in mid summer it would help so many parents struggling with childcare and if they did do that they could get rid of homework altogether which Parents are supposed to supervise.