Am I wrong for still having girls' nights out now that I'm married?

[hytury]

I'm 30 Year old women and I've been married for three months. My husband and I were together for almost 15 years before getting married. He was actually my childhood best friend, so we've basically grown up together.

I've always had girls' nights with my best friends. As we got older, it became something we usually did about once a month. When my husband was away for a week or travelling for work, sometimes we'd do it a little more often.

There are basically two types of girls' nights for us.

Sometimes we'll actually go out a bar, club, restaurant, cinema, whatever. Other times we'll just end up at one of our apartments, open a bottle of wine, order food and spend hours talking about absolutely everything.

And honestly, it's never been about getting male attention or going out to flirt or cheat. We're just friends having a good time together. If we're at a club, we're dancing with each other. If we're at a restaurant, we're eating and talking. Sometimes we don't even leave someone's apartment.

Since getting married, though, I've had a few people make comments along the lines of, "You're married now, you probably shouldn't be going out to pubs/clubs with your friends anymore."

I genuinely don't understand this.

Why would getting married mean I suddenly can't spend time with my female friends? I'm not going out every weekend. It's usually once a month, and quite often it's something completely innocent like dinner or a movie anyway.

My husband isn't controlling about it either. He has his own friends and his own life, and I don't expect marriage to mean that either of us stops doing things independently.

So I'm curious do other married women still have regular girls' nights And what do you consider reasonable when it comes to going to bars or clubs after marriage

Also, where do people draw the line regarding attention from the opposite sex? Personally, I don't think simply being approached or getting attention is cheating. You can't control whether someone finds you attractive or tries to talk to you. What matters is how you respond to it.

Obviously, deliberately flirting, exchanging numbers, kissing someone, hooking up, etc. would be completely different territory for me. But I'm genuinely interested in other people's opinions. Is having a girls' night out after marriage completely normal, or do you think some things should change once you're married?

When you say ‘a few people’ is this only actually your husband’s mum/her sister?

I would tell them that I would continue to see my friends at the pub, just like DH does.

You feeling ‘disgusting’ after their comment is a bizarre reaction though-I’d work on this!!

Chatting to men when you're married is not cheating.

OP your husband's family seem to have an extremely backwards view of the world (circa mid 19th century). You need to read the riot act on this.

You won't cheat on your husband. But you're not his property and you're damned if you're going to be told when you go out and who you go out with. You're perfectly capable of enjoying yourself with friends in a setting where there are men and indeed even talking to men without having sex with them or flirting with them. It's part of normal human interaction.

You will respect and honour your husband but you are an adult and they will respect your boundaries and you will never again be told how to live your life and conduct yourself. Say it once and live by it.

Goodness me, of courses it's normal and also important to have nights out with your friends! Still doing it in my 50s and always will. At age 30 it wasn't even anything to thunk about.

So 2 people have said this to you. Your mother and auntie in law?

Absolutely ridiculous. His mum can't be that old, so she must be very old fashioned in her thinking. Maybe it's the way she's been brought up, but 2 people saying it is hardly a lot.

I’ve been with my husband for 12 years married for 4, I’m 44 and have a girls night once a month, I’d go insane without it.
When it comes to other men/women finding me or my husband attractive then this is my way of thinking.. There have been times in the last 12 years men have approached, flirted and asked for my number or for a date, I obviously decline, it’s sometimes a bit of an ego boost but I don’t tell my husband because I know it would make him feel anxious/jealous etc and I presume when he goes out the same might be happening to him with women because he’s a nice, funny good looking man.. again I’d rather not know about it.

I’m married and I still love going out out! I don’t have girls nights out for various unrelated reasons including them having had children and preferring to stay in, or us drifting in general

Makes no difference to me! Of course they can have nights out!

I'm just saying let's not pretend we've never heard of married women "crossing the line" on these "girls' nights out"!

Or men. I wonder if the OP’s MIL and aunt object to her husband going out with his friends?

Ha, good point! Probably not!

They're nuts! I'm older than you and have two young kids and still go out - probably not as often as monthly as most of my girlfriends have young kids too so it can be harder to coordinate (and generally more dinner/pubs/bars than clubs), but my DH wouldn't dream of stopping me going out with friends/colleagues/whoever and vice versa... the only difference from pre-kids is that we have to actually coordinate 😆. My PIL would get short shrift if they said anything!

In fact I'm on my way home now after a lovely impromptu drinks with colleagues.

You’re fine. Having your own friends and getting together will nourish you and make you a better person, more interesting partner. Same for your husband and his friends.

My husband is not a particularly social person with other men he’ll go out occasionally over the years , I’m totally opposite, love to go out to cinema , meal or theatre with different groups of friends . We have supported each other over the years with illness , cancer and bereavements , don’t stop seeing your friends they are very important , my husband always trusted me and I paid using my own money . Enjoy life !

Don't tell me - they think it's fine for him to go out with his friends!

When I read the title I thought it was going to be your DH laying down the law - maybe he should be, with his mother