Am I wrong for still having girls' nights out now that I'm married?

[hytury]

I'm 30 Year old women and I've been married for three months. My husband and I were together for almost 15 years before getting married. He was actually my childhood best friend, so we've basically grown up together.

I've always had girls' nights with my best friends. As we got older, it became something we usually did about once a month. When my husband was away for a week or travelling for work, sometimes we'd do it a little more often.

There are basically two types of girls' nights for us.

Sometimes we'll actually go out a bar, club, restaurant, cinema, whatever. Other times we'll just end up at one of our apartments, open a bottle of wine, order food and spend hours talking about absolutely everything.

And honestly, it's never been about getting male attention or going out to flirt or cheat. We're just friends having a good time together. If we're at a club, we're dancing with each other. If we're at a restaurant, we're eating and talking. Sometimes we don't even leave someone's apartment.

Since getting married, though, I've had a few people make comments along the lines of, "You're married now, you probably shouldn't be going out to pubs/clubs with your friends anymore."

I genuinely don't understand this.

Why would getting married mean I suddenly can't spend time with my female friends? I'm not going out every weekend. It's usually once a month, and quite often it's something completely innocent like dinner or a movie anyway.

My husband isn't controlling about it either. He has his own friends and his own life, and I don't expect marriage to mean that either of us stops doing things independently.

So I'm curious do other married women still have regular girls' nights And what do you consider reasonable when it comes to going to bars or clubs after marriage

Also, where do people draw the line regarding attention from the opposite sex? Personally, I don't think simply being approached or getting attention is cheating. You can't control whether someone finds you attractive or tries to talk to you. What matters is how you respond to it.

Obviously, deliberately flirting, exchanging numbers, kissing someone, hooking up, etc. would be completely different territory for me. But I'm genuinely interested in other people's opinions. Is having a girls' night out after marriage completely normal, or do you think some things should change once you're married?

Did you get married in the 1880s and have time slipped through?

Ignore them OP. That's a view that disappeared by the 70s, as far as I know. Do they expect you to cut your hair short now too? And count down the months from honeymoon to pregnancy.

And the generation before them went to "Young Wives Group"/Mothers Union meetings at least once per month, often associated with the local church.

Yes it was to make sure married women were seen as respectable.

Ignore them, they're stuck in the 1800s - as long as you and your husband are happy then that's all that matters - I think its healthy to maintain friendships outside of marriage and do stuff separately as well as together

They can't do anything, I'm an independent women and i married to a secure man!

When I told my Husband, He laughed off....but it was stuck in My mom

Are his family of a different cultural background? Not that I think that excuses their bonkers views but may explain it.

Stuck in what??

Why are two of your posts perfectly written and two are bordering on the nonsensical?

I was going to ask which "people" said this to you but you've answered already DH's mum and aunt. Just ignore them. It's none of their business.
If people say things like that to me I always say "so... anyway..." and change the subject. I do not enter into any kind of discussion with people who are sticking their oar in somewhere they have no business being.

I'd take bets on it not being about the girls night out but the fact you chatting to other men on a night out. Honestly the fact you need to clarify you don't see speaking to other men and getting attention as cheating and is fine, comes across as you probably blur those boundaries at time. I polite sorry I'm married is all that is needed to be said really.

I'm all for girls nights out and now we have migrate for girls weekends away - but all male attention is pushed back. We are on a girls night interested in talking to and spending time each other, not looking for attention from men.

How would the OP‘s MIL and aunt know who she is chatting to on a night out?

I’m 31 and married and nobody has ever made those comments to me. Why would they? You can see when out and about that married women of all ages go to bars and clubs with friends. It’s not 1900.

I don’t actually drink but I go out with my girlfriends fairly often.

Speaking to men is not cheating. Thats not subjective. Having a conversation with a man is not betraying your husband. Ffs when did the world go back in time?

I end up speaking to men because my besties are single and they chat men up and I end up next to their mates. What am I meant to stand there silently with a face like thunder? Last chat I had we discussed the Welsh language becoming more widely spoken. SCANDALOUS

I remember when I had been married a couple of months and was going away with friends for the weekend, the Friday in work one of my (male!) colleagues asked me if my husband minded me going away for the weekend.
I said no and that I wouldn’t have married him if he did. Colleague looked taken aback but I meant it 100% and still do 16 years later!

It's never been weird to see your female friends when you are married.

You laughed in their faces and asked if they'd told their son/nephew he wasn't allowed out? Then laughed again?

Harlot.

Jesus as usually MN reads half a post, I said she probably wasn't just chatting and blurring the lines between that and flirting. Obviously a chat is fine but blurring the lines is not.

We don't chat to men as its not what we want...why would I want to chat to someone in a pub or club when I'm interested in spending time with my friends on a girls weekend. We politely say sorry no thank you - there is nothing wrong with also not wanting to chat and gain attention.

‘Probably wasn’t just chatting and blurring the lines’… how on earth do you know that? Unless you think it’s not possible to just ‘chat’ to someone of the opposite sex?

You’re married not dead. 30 years married here and I still go out with my girls. Fair enough, they’re a little more staid now but we can still knock back a cocktail or 4

Nevermind the previous 15 years where anything goes, you should immediately turn into a hermit who appeases your husband once you get married.

You don’t approve do you @TrishM80?

This is a ridiculous attitude from your relatives. I’m mid 40’s and have always had girls nights out (at least monthly but sometimes fortnightly if it’s a birthday etc). Go away at least once a year for a few nights. Just back from a girls trip to Ibiza. Life doesn’t stop because you’ve got married.
my mums going on a girls trip with her friends later this year to the canaries for her friends 70th.

Yes, as does my 65 year old mother who is married. She’s not at the club, but she’s out with the girls till the pub closes.

DH and I also still holiday with our friends when we can, normally for a weekend though and only for special occasions. We don't really think it’s fair to leave one person to deal with three kids for more than 3 days if it can be avoided - but that’s personal preference.

I think it's also totally fine to talk to men. I think if you set out with the aim of chatting with men, that would be unusual. But if men chat to your group of friends, and you don't immediately shut down the conversation, that seems fine.

If there's a mix of single people and people in a relationship in a friendship group, I imagine the single people would find it tiresome if every conversation with the opposite sex was immediately shut down.

When reading this I thought you were posting from the 19th century!! You know deep down that comments about your girls nights are complete and utter b* Believe me as you get older you will need these get togethers more and more!!!!