To think DD is being ridiculous over her lost Roblox account

[Eastie77Returns]

DD is locked out of her Roblox account. She's convinced it has been hacked since the password apparently no longer works. The account doesn't have a linked e-mail address so she can't reset it. Roblox customer support cannot help her as she needs to prove the account is hers with e.g. billing e-mail receipt of a Roblox purchase which she doesn't have.

She has been crying on and off for a few days now and occaisonally stamping around the house shouting about the unfairness of it all. She is still trying to retrieve the account and has been on calls with multiple friends trying to find a workaround. I heard her complaining to one of them that if I was a proper mother I would have contacted Roblox's owners to resolve the issue😂

This morning I snapped when she began her daily moan about it and told her to just accept the account is gone. She is 13 and I really think she is a bit too old for this nonsense. Or am I being a bit harsh?

Wow so you don't undertsnd it or care about it so the fore it's stupid and doesn't mean anything ?

Be very careful op.
I would first validate her feelings, tell her you have been utterly selfish and short sighted snd it means a lot to her and you will try and help her get it back. ..otherwise kiss goodbye any chance of her ever sharing anything with you again. When if gets to the really big life stuff.

Sorry op you did help her I didn't read your updates

I didn't say it's stupid and meaningless. Did you read my update? I've spent hours trying to help her regain access to the account. My issue is with her attitude and spiteful behaviour towards her brother who has done nothing wrong.

Hang on then, you have the parental link to her account? Go to the account recovery link and trigger a password reset for her account, and enter your email when it says where to send the code. Then you can reset the password.

Also in general I would not enable chat experiences for a 13 year old, that is where you get groomers. Lock down that part of it, only allow games, set her content restriction to Moderate, and keep an eye on what games she is playing via the parental control setting. Block games that look like parties in hot tubs/chat room type places.

This happened to my son. You can’t retrieve it. You’ll have to create a new account unless they are satisfied with the evidence you have provided. Set it up properly with recovery details. She’s upset because she’ll loose all her paid for items and he stats in the games. She’ll become a noob and nobody wants that…..

I’d expected that amount of tantrum from a much younger child. Not a 13 year old.

If it helps I have also had to deal with similar disasters. Sometimes all you can do is offer empathy/understanding (as I said earlier) except, parents are only human too and after three days of woe I can completely empathise with losing patience a bit. I don't think that that will permanently damage your relationship or mean she never trusts you again. Personally I try to be sympathetic to the situation but not accepting of bad behaviour towards others. Also she is entering the teenage years and the upset at losing her account is probably exacerbated by hormones and the instability of friendships/general anxieties at that age. I would never laugh directly at an upset teenager but I think it's fine to internally roll your eyes.

It is far younger kids really but I did find the how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids talk is quite useful at dealing with children's disappointment at things. I think they have a version for teenagers but TBH Instill found the techniques (minus the childish magic wishing) in the original book useful for 12/13 year olds.

She will have lost things she’s spent tons of time building and may lose connections with online friends

This is what I thought. Hope the parental linked account can help her get her account back.

It's a big deal when you're 13.

Yes this is true, we've been through the trauma of a lost roblox account and I did support my daughter and try to help but also roblox is a parasitic time wasting self perpetual monster and kids are waaaaaaay better off without it so I did try to encourage her to move on. She did move on, to another of her accounts

OMG my 13 year old did exactly the same thing last year. She came down the stairs and I thought someone had died. For context she’s usually very resilient and a bit of a tough old bird lol 😂. She didn’t even cry that much when our beloved dog died. We had exactly the same scenario. She was hacked and couldn’t get her account back due to the email address swiftly being changed.

I had contacted Roblox numerous times, but to no avail.

She will get over it bless her lol.

It is great you trying to help her and also a great time to talk about cybersecurity, scammers and hackers etc. One of the important Life lessons as we know a few DCs in first year university getting scam and losing money and how to report it. The worry at that level and impact is huge.

Your not being harsh OP, I would of also snapped. you've tried to do everything to help, the account is gone, she will need to accept it and move on. That's life, unfortunately she will need to get used to disappointment occasionally and it's not fair to take it out on the rest of the house. She's 13 not 3.

I know my dd would cry at this too it’s important to them

It is daft. But 13 year olds are into daft things.

From experience with my daughter, a lot of thought and creativity is put into the game to gradually build up an inventory over months/years, so I can see how it would be a big deal to her. Mine would be devastated too.

Well this is it, I am trying to get her to accept the account is gone and build up a bit of resilience in the face of disappointment. I have done what I can but every piece of advice I’ve found online suggests the account is irretrievably lost.

I understand it is extremely upsetting for her but honestly the tears, moaning, stamping and meanness to her brother has taken its toll. I have been WFH and dealing with a stressful work situation, the heat and we have builders in. I just don’t have the energy for this.

“What exactly is the op going to do? There is nothing to be done. The kids learnt a very valuable lesson about cyber security, back up plans, linking accounts for security reasons.”

erm.. OP should have taught her child this from the very beginning. Not allowed this to happen to teach her a lesson, if not only to avoid losing access but also to safeguard. This would never happen to 99% of children who are taught to use the internet and protected on there.

She seems to be struggling with emotional dysregulation, lack of coping skills and a high level of attachment to the online world.

Perhaps it’s time to reflect on how your parenting (or perhaps lack of) has contributed to the fact that a) it’s a big thing for her and b) resilience is built up over time through being taught coping skills and self-regulation to deal with small and larger failures, not magically acquired overnight while struggling to accept a painful loss.

This. Seems like it’s for the best. Kid sounds like an addict who will now benefit from this detox.

I'm a grown adult and I would be upset if I lost one of my gaming accounts. It has connections to all my friends I've met over the years, chat history (including with some people who have since passed on) and all my progress in my games over the years is saved on it. I can look back through my account at all the stuff I've played and it brings back memories of the stuff that was happening in my life at the time.

She does need to learn to accept it, but I do think it's a valid thing to be upset about and I wouldn't react well to people telling me that I shouldn't care at all.

Teach her the tech skills she needs to safeguard her other accounts, adding backup emails and password safety etc.

Exactly this. You might not care about it, but your daughter does.

Yes, you are being too harsh. Her problems are just as big to her as yours are to you. No, she is not too old to feel this way. Easily, a significant portion of the lives of kids her age takes place online. My kids loved Pokemon and Magic cards. I couldn’t see the appeal, but it was important to them, so I listened to them when they talked about it and played the cards with them when they asked me to. Roblox is important to your daughter. Can she create a new account? I encourage you to find a way to help her enjoy this interest/hobby again. If that proves impossible, see if she might have an interest in Minecraft. It sounds like a war game, but it isn’t. I couldn’t give a fart in the wind for computer gaming, but if it’s important to the people I love and they enjoy it, I’ll support it, unless it becomes an unhealthy obsession. Same as I would support a person I cared about who was a hardcore footie fan.

They can make a new account. It’s not the same, but her daughter can rebuild.

I don't know much about Roblox but if she hasn't got an email or Facebook account attached to it, could it be attached to her phone? If she has got a new phone this could be a possibility and in that case she will have to start again.

I did and still do have great parents but I remember the feeling when they didn't undertsand something really important to me

sure looking back the seem silly through adult eyes, but why are children different so yes i may get frustrated sometimes but I try and learn what is important to them and helps as much as I can even if I personally thing it is weird

same with friends and partners why do I have the right to dictate what others think?