Boomer parents who don't help their children

[hoarderofthedough]

I will preface this by saying that my own Boomer parents DID help me and my sibling, and I will be forever grateful. They were wonderful.

BUT.....my DH's mother, on the other hand is the opposite, and it's giving me the rage. I wondered whether anyone else had experienced similar?

She is super rich, and by that I mean a multi millionaire. She lives in a 6 bed mansion, has around 8 properties that she rents out, providing an income of circa £10k a month, and she lavishes it ALL on herself and her boyfriend.

Her daughter (my SIL) lives in a tiny house in an awful (dangerous) part of town, and doesn't have a pot to piss in. Scrimping and saving, not able to put the heating on in winter, no treats ever - and all the while MIL is jet setting to exotic holidays, always in business class....with not one thought for her DD and grandkids welfare.

On the rare occasions we meet up for a meal, MIL will let DH and SIL pay. Or at best the bill will be split - but never are we treated with her paying. However, she is very happy to treat her boyfriend to lots of things.

She's almost 80 now, and still has no thoughts of gifting money to avoid inheritance tax.

Anyone else experience this? I find it truly baffling, because if I was in her position I would be filtering down money to my adult kids regularly.

Absolutely beyond me that OP or SIL are still expecting hand outs from parents in what must be their 50s.

You're adults. Own and fund your own life.

Boomer parents…think you need to get off SM and grow up a bit

@SpottyPyjama Please provide evidence from accredited reliable research source to prove that children of boomer parents 'have been unaffected by things like ludicrous uni tuition fees and cost of living crisis? I ask because I believe this is your opinion presented as fact.

Because they are the luckiest generation that ever lived, or will live to date, in terms of house prices, jobs, free university, early retirement, and final salary gold plated pensions. They single handily have more money than any other generation, but did not work any harder than others. They should pay it on due to it being unearned luck. Hope this helps.

Its werid parent behaviour, my parents have gifted me and my siblings over£50k each in last few years, they had lots of spare money we were all trying to buy properties, saving ect. No way are my parents millionaires just mortgage free with excellent pensions.
I would never have asked them but they were happy to do so.
My children are now grown up and l help thrm when l can. Whether its £50 to buy shopping or more to help with bills...

"Boomer parents". ?
Unfortunately, there are unhelpful parents in every demographic. Perhaps your demographic too, @hoarderofthedough

Not all of them.

I’m hoping this is a sarcastic post.

She sounds awful but I'd go back to the Let Them Theory. Let her be an ungenerous prick and let me choose to live my life differently.

There's a story in the Let Them Theory book where her husband was in a bad financial situation (restaruant failed I think) and her BIL had the money to bail him out but didn't. At the time it felt cruel but with hindsight, it was the right thing to do because it would've been throwing money down a failing business hole. As a couple they looked at what else they could be doing and they turned things around themselves and feel really proud of the change they made in their own lives.

Your MIL sounds blinkered and cruel, especially when it sounds like your SIL is really struggling right now.

It's sad that she's not twigged that you can't take it with you and she could be spending now in a way that would bring her more joy and connection with family.

But that's her loss. I hope your SIL finds a way through her situation and it sounds like your own kids feel better supported by you and your DH.

We really do need a Bollocks button!

I think it must be!

I’ve seen these threats before and Just as I thought, loads of people saying you’re entitled, what have you done with your life, Why can’t you/SIL earn more, It’s her money to do what she wants, etc

Well, I’m sorry, but I fail to see how anyone in this situation wouldn’t feel baffled and frankly a bit hurt if their mother was loaded and didn’t want to share at the very least some of her enjoyment & experiences as a result of her wealth if not the money itself.

YABU. Aren’t her “children” over 40 years old now?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5518852-wealthy-mil-hoarding-money?reply=151794707

Did you not find the answer you were looking for the last time

Yup. Fellow Boomer here. No children, but I've contributed towards university for some of my cousins' kids.

I've also given money to my late husband's adult kids when - to be quite honest - I should probably have used it on my own house.

Yep this is my DH. Her 6 kids all live in poverty apart from my DH who I supported through university because his mother didn’t want to sign because she would have to declare her tax! It wasn’t on her radar to support them. She used to telephone them and report what lovely holidays she had had though!

Her kids must be 50/60 years old. If they haven’t done anything worth while with their lives then that’s really on them. It’s mean that she expects everyone else to pay for her meal, but at the end of the day it’s her money. My parents haven’t helped me and I didn’t sit around waiting for money either. Life is what YOU make it.

Well.... whilst that is awful for your SIL. Has she ever been given an opportunity to get a really good education, to set her up for her future? Is there a back story you dont know about? I think we need to remember there's always a reason people have money.

I hate the ‘boomer’ generalisations. My dad is so far away from the stereotype as i’d imagine are most of them.

Yes but if you had good fortune (through hard work or otherwise) wouldn’t you want to share it.

I can’t understand the concept of having money just to look at it - what pleasure would that give you ?

Definitely NBU. I would give my last penny to my kids if they needed it. Don't know how she can watch them struggle and not help.
And a majority of those on here are liars if they reckon they wouldn't be pissed off by it...

Well we are boomer parents and have helped our kids buy homes and cars and we gift money monthly and pay for a family holiday and unless our kids really protest pay for meals out all the time. I can’t see why you would not help your kids if you can. How old is her boyfriend?

Why do you bother with MIL snd go out for meals, if she is so selfish and miserable? Be prepared that she may have left everything in her will to her BF.

I am.a boomer. We help our children by providing childcare and finance, we also pay for some of the grandchildren's activities regularly buy them things, and all my boomer friends are the same.. We do it because we want to but bin we are not obliged to.
But I find the sense of entitlement by some parents and boomer bashing astounding.. I think boomer parents provide far more support to their children than we received from our parents
I didn't receive any help from my parents , and I didn't expect any nor did my friend's
Parents are not obliged to support their children for ever. Your mum in law has a perfect right to spend her money as she wants, to Will it to whoever she wants and to save it for whatever she wants she might be thinking about care costs in the future.

I completely agree.
I’m of that generation, definitely nowhere near being even well off but have enough to live on.
I would help out my DCs if they needed it but their salaries outweigh mine before I retired several times over ffs.
The begrudging anyone else what they choose to spend their money on is a very nasty trait OP, it says far more about you than those you seem to sneer at.