need some honest opinions because I'm very angry and upset and don't know if I'm seeing this clearly.
She's my SIL (my brother's wife). I've never particularly liked her, but she's family and for 17 years I've always tried to be there for her. I look after her children, send my own children to help her and whenever she needs something I tend to run over. I've always felt you support family, even when you don't particularly get on.
However, I feel she constantly blames others, twists situations and portrays herself as the victim. She has a very difficult relationship with my brother and, although he's certainly not blameless, I feel she takes their problems out on the wider family. She's also accused my mum of causing problems between them.
Recently there was an argument over a duvet cover. My brother wanted one, so I gave him one of hers. I accept I should have asked her first. She rang me furious, shouting "how dare you" and accusing me of causing trouble between her and my brother. We both shouted at each other on the phone and I told her i knew that her and her brother had conspired and tried to separate me and my husband, because she wasnt happy being married to my brother. (They are still married) mainly for the kids.
I messaged her afterwards because I was fed up with being blamed and accused when I feel I've done so much to help her and her children. I told her I wouldn't get involved in her affairs again.
Then today my mum came out of hospital. My SIL was there, and I felt she was being fake sympathetic towards my mum as shes previouslybeen awful to her but trying to show look I'm good etc.
I was still angry and confronted her. I told her I didn't think she was a good person and that she should apologise for things she'd said previously.
She told me "don't talk to me." listening to your voice gives me a headache and i said dont talk to you "forever?" And she said well im not a good person and I said I agree your not and she replied "don't talk to me ever, our relationship is finished."
I know I started today's argument and I'm not denying that. I was angry and deliberately confronted her rather than walking away.
But I feel I've spent 17 years helping her, looking after her children and running whenever she needs something, while she repeatedly blames me, my mum or my brother when things go wrong.
I've also realised I've probably pretended we're much closer than we actually are because she's family.