AIBU to end things with my sister-in-law after years of helping?

[Fedup0707]

need some honest opinions because I'm very angry and upset and don't know if I'm seeing this clearly.
She's my SIL (my brother's wife). I've never particularly liked her, but she's family and for 17 years I've always tried to be there for her. I look after her children, send my own children to help her and whenever she needs something I tend to run over. I've always felt you support family, even when you don't particularly get on.
However, I feel she constantly blames others, twists situations and portrays herself as the victim. She has a very difficult relationship with my brother and, although he's certainly not blameless, I feel she takes their problems out on the wider family. She's also accused my mum of causing problems between them.
Recently there was an argument over a duvet cover. My brother wanted one, so I gave him one of hers. I accept I should have asked her first. She rang me furious, shouting "how dare you" and accusing me of causing trouble between her and my brother. We both shouted at each other on the phone and I told her i knew that her and her brother had conspired and tried to separate me and my husband, because she wasnt happy being married to my brother. (They are still married) mainly for the kids.
I messaged her afterwards because I was fed up with being blamed and accused when I feel I've done so much to help her and her children. I told her I wouldn't get involved in her affairs again.
Then today my mum came out of hospital. My SIL was there, and I felt she was being fake sympathetic towards my mum as shes previouslybeen awful to her but trying to show look I'm good etc.
I was still angry and confronted her. I told her I didn't think she was a good person and that she should apologise for things she'd said previously.
She told me "don't talk to me." listening to your voice gives me a headache and i said dont talk to you "forever?" And she said well im not a good person and I said I agree your not and she replied "don't talk to me ever, our relationship is finished."
I know I started today's argument and I'm not denying that. I was angry and deliberately confronted her rather than walking away.
But I feel I've spent 17 years helping her, looking after her children and running whenever she needs something, while she repeatedly blames me, my mum or my brother when things go wrong.
I've also realised I've probably pretended we're much closer than we actually are because she's family.

Anyone else got one of Trevor and Simon's sketches in their head now? "We don't do duvets"

What Air BnB ? Was he taking the duvet cover with him ? Do they have a limited supply of duvet covers ? Maybe he took her favorite KPOP DemonHunters one . Sounds like lots of shouting going on regularly and no holds barred accusations like marriage breakups .

What ever happened to stiff upper lip under the radar hatred .

It all sounds a bit batshit ! Perhaps don’t speak to each other any more , might be more peaceful for your poor DM ?

I think thats what happens when your over give others, you become resentful. Appologise for going on a rant and then back off and set some healthy boundaries - no more running after her.

I need clarification on her and HER brother trying to break up your marriage because she didnt like being married to YOUR brother. Was she after your husband?

If you've spent 17 years running around after her when you don't even like her, that was your choice. You sound like a bit of a martyr.

God only knows how people have the time or energy for these kinds of rows, shouting at each other and saying you're not a good person etc. Just stay away from each other if you can't be civil.

Ah gosh, that’s brought back some memories. I bloody loved that sketch.

i’m none the wiser on the whole duvet thing, tbh. But as PP have said it sounds like maybe you all need some space away from each other for a bit

You both sound as though you could start a fight in an empty room. It would be interesting to hear her side of things which seem to be going back years.

Minimal contact is a good idea, so I don’t think you are being unreasonable especially as your mum has just come out of hospital and doesn’t need the stress of you arguing around her. Maybe both of you could put her needs first and leave your quibbles in the past where they belong.

Do you live in Albert Square OP?

You all sound about 12.

Stop living in each other's pockets and get a hobby... I'd suggest reading.

I assume the OP’s brother runs an Airbnb and they have (at home) a supply of bed linen for this business, and a separate supply of bed linen for their own/personal use at home. OP was given a duvet meant for domestic use only. Completely the fault of the brother/niece.

OP, however, sounds like a martyr, and all I can hear is Barbara Windsor/Peggy Mitchell snarling “FAMILY!” while they all stab each other in the back. God knows what the brother/sister marriage break up plan was all about, but why on earth would you carry on doing favours for someone who tried to destroy your marriage?

Still none the wiser about the duvet cover.

You need to get one of them coverless duvets, that'll sort it all out for you.

Your poor mum.

So you and your DH live a few doors down from SIL and your brother, and also your mum lives a few doors down too? We're going to need a diagram of the houses involved.

If you all live so close, firstly why do you live do close? And secondly why couldn't your brother sort his own bedding situation? Why did you become involved? He could have identified the linen cupboard all by himself without waking the 13 year old (hopefully?)

How does your niece feel about her aunt randomly turning up in her house (bedroom?) past bedtime, waking her up for bizarre bedding requests?

Also why are you being a go between, passing messages from SIL to your brother? Was she not able to contact her husband?

At any point in the duvet debacle or the previous childcare requests, have you thought of saying "Oh I wish I could, but I don't want to", or more succinctly "no"?

To sum up
Please post a diagram of the housing situation with the exact route the duvet travelled, and then make plans to move at least 30 minutes away from your family for your wellbeing

You mom just got out of the hospital and here are the two of you bringing drama she did not need.

Put a sock in it and drop the rope. See her less. Don't engage, grey rock. No, you're busy, can't help, bye. Block her.

I don't understand duvet wars or how arguing over a duvet cover after 10pm means someone (SIL, BIL, who knows) is trying to split up your marriage.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

There are no words for this level of batshittery. Each update is more bonkers than the last! 3 explanations and still the duvet debacle makes absolutely zero sense 😅 has given us all a good giggle though

Was it a duvet or duvet cover? And was your brother moving into the Air B&B, thus effectively stealing a duvet (or duvet cover). I wouldn’t blame him tbh. Although I’m still unclear why he’s not allowed a duvet (or cover) from his own house.

I really, really need to understand the duvet drama. Can someone provide a flow chart or something please?

I feel a wee bit sorry for the OP here because she’s clearly splurged and vented after all this duvet drama and nothing has come out clearly.

But isn’t that kind of the issue? Kindly, OP, when everyone is on top of each other and constantly in each other’s business there’s no opportunity for a bit of downtime or perspective. When I say ‘you all need a hobby’ I don’t mean it disdainfully, I mean you need something that is diverting enough that you aren’t spending valuable mental energy replaying the whole argument and getting cross again and again.

I’ve had quite a long day so it may be that but I really don’t understand this. What the hell has an AirB&B got to do with this, why do your bother and SIL appear to have separate duvet covers (I’ve never thought which of ours being to me and which belong to my DH). Why was the daughter asleep and why are you so involved in this tedious nonsense. And no one said anything about you having a charmed life so God knows why you started telling us about that. Clear up the duvet issue first and then you can move on.

I’ve got an exclusive from the SIL (thanks AI)

My husband and I are having marital problems and he was leaving to stay in an Airbnb.
For reasons known only to him, despite being literally a few doors away from our house, he decided he couldn't possibly walk home and get his own duvet cover. Instead he dispatched his sister to our house to fetch one for him.
I wasn't home. Our 13-year-old daughter was asleep.
My SIL went into the house, woke my sleeping daughter and asked her for a duvet cover for her dad. Daughter, presumably not anticipating that she was about to become a junior quartermaster in her parents' marital separation, handed one over.
It was one I needed.
So I phoned SIL and asked why she'd given it to him. SIL then immediately messaged my husband to tell him I'd phoned her. Husband then messaged me telling me I should have spoken to HIM rather than involving his sister.
I appreciate the irony here, given that the entire situation arose because he apparently couldn't walk three doors to his own house and involved his sister instead.
Anyway, this somehow escalated into SIL shouting at me about how much she's done for me over the past 17 years and accusing me and my brother of conspiring to break up her marriage.
Some time later, my MIL came home from hospital. I went round and was sympathetic towards her.
Unfortunately SIL decided I was being too sympathetically sympathetic and concluded this was fake sympathy designed to demonstrate that I am A Good Person™.
She therefore confronted me, while her mother had just come out of hospital, to inform me that I am in fact Not A Good Person™ and should apologise for various historical offences.
I told her not to speak to me.
She asked, "Forever?"
At this point, presented with an escape hatch the size of the Clyde Tunnel, I took it.
I said yes.
She now appears surprised that our relationship is over.
AIBU to think that next time my husband needs bedding for an Airbnb, he can walk the three fucking doors himself?

Is AI Slop supposed to be entertaining now?