AIBU to stop always moving aside for people in public?

[Clara1984]

I know that I can’t be the only one this happens to but Jesus Christ, today I’ve had enough I’m usually the one moving out of the way of other people but today I decided to conduct a little experiment… people can move for me for a change, I’m hot, tired and got a sore foot and things didn’t go well lol
on about number 16 shoulder barge!
Im not talking about deliberately getting in people’s way, just holding my line, someone will appear from around a corner and expect me to move, but today I didn’t and bang, we have impact! I’m actually astonished how often it’s happened and didn’t realise how passive I have been up until today.
To be honest, I probably won’t be repeating it, as I’ve found it really stressful. Will just go back to tutting and saying “ don’t worry I will move “ under my breath.
Not even sure what my AIBU is, just wanted to rant as I’m pissed off with rude entitled people everywhere!!

I’m in two minds about this.

People are rude these days. And I do think we should normalise the person who would come off BETTER in the event of a collision stepping aside. If it’s possible to tell.

I have generally been someone who likes to “hold my line” and not be made to step aside, but recently I’ve started to feel that life’s too short and not been bothering. It’s quite empowering to think “well I could hold my line but I cba” and being a bit smug 😄

I've got grey hair and if I'm towing a heavy trolley I just keep walking straight on. People shouldn't expect me to manoeuvre around them. However, I will give way to wheelchairs, pushchairs and families with young children.

This is the article mentioned upthread. Great reading.

https://www.newstatesman.com/politics/feminism/2019/02/how-play-patriarchy-chicken-why-i-refuse-move-out-way-men

Or
https://archive.ph/sfVXl

If someone is looking at items in an aisle (and they’re not standing in the middle of the aisle) then you do need to manoeuvre around them. You can’t use your trolley like a battering ran just because you have grey hair.

I mean - SOMEONES got to move. Otherwise you’d just bang into people.

I've found women do this just as much as men of not more in recent years. With a smirk. I've come to assume that it's because of how i look - middle aged woman, not that good looking or slim, not accompanied by a man to protect/stand up for me. They'll walk 'at' me and pretty much force me to step aside and look quite smug about it. They know what they're doing. Whereas when the men do it I tend to think it's not as deliberately done. But in a general sense everyone is getting to act like everyone else should just get out of their way and it's wearing. But that could just be my perception.

I’m fed up of it.i always move for people and never get a thank you,only the odd time.if I try and not move I am literally a invisible person and they just walk in to me.i absolutely hate it.

This is bollocks. The point is that each person adjusts their path to some extent but noone should be forced into the road on a pavement that is wide enough for two people to pass one abreast.

If you are larger/stronger, just run through them.

I'm not saying this common but last month I was walking up a path near my home. The path is tarmacked and wide enough for a vehicle to drive along. It has grass verges on either side. Approaching me were a group of five young people aged around 20. They were walking five abreast and filling the whole width of the path. I moved to the right on the edge of the tarmac thinking they would bunch up slightly to the left but they didn't - at all. I could have stepped onto the verge but I didn't because I thought they were being ridiculous.. When they were about a metre away and there was no sign of any bunching by them I decided I would stand still thinking they would have to make some adjustment to walk round me. The young man opposite me looked me in the face and walked directly into me and then sort of bounced to the side as if he was in a pinball machine, grunted and then continued on his way. I was left wondering how he copes with day to day life.

I move a reasonable amount or use my common sense (I'm not a dick) but when there are 4 men people walking abreast I now categorically refuse to walk on the verge/road to accomodate them. Even if I have to stop and make them walk around me, I do. Never aggressively or making a big deal. The amount of men people who try to intimidate or even call me a bitch just for daring to take up space is... shocking and yet sadly not surprising.

I once did a "time trial" 10k run with 6ft DH pacing me just ahead. I was absolutely mind-blown that people moved out of his way and I could just run in a straight line without having to constantly assess what people were likely to do/ not do and weave around them. It was mentally so much easier without that constant thought and planning. On my own, even in hi-viz clothes, I am invisible and people just carry on bimbling around formation walking across the path as though I don't exist.

I got to the point in winter 2020 when I decided that I was no longer stepping off paths into roads or mud to facilitate packs of people oblivious to the fact that they are not the only people on the planet. I will just stop and wait for them to actually pay attention to their surroundings and make space.

If it's genuinely too tight for two people to pass or someone at a clear disadvantage then I'll still happily make space, but I'm tired of being expected to constantly inconvenience myself to accomodate multiple people who can rearrange their group to make sufficient space for everyone to pass safely. This is normally most issue on wide paths in parks that you could get a maintainence vehicle down. All I want is my fair share of 80cm space to pass, I don't need the whole path.

Well I’m a plain 54 year old frequently walking solo, and I don’t find this at all.

Obviously there's a certain section of society who are rude/glued to their phone and need to be more considerate. But I think among those of us declaring they wont take this any more, there can be a certain amount of confirmation bias. It's very easy not to notice the people who do anticipate well and move out of the way. So how do we all know that we are the one moving more than 50% of the time (which is presumably the all things being even situation)?

Loads of people do move for me, drivers wave me across etc. And this is as a forth something frequently wandering around in non-sexy gym gear with hair scraped back.

I'd honestly rather notice those people. Mostly anyway. There's the odd time I'll just decide to be stubborn, but the world's a nicer place if you are nice.

This answer nails it. Staring dead ahead into the middle distance with a neutral expression, they will divert around you.

I have tested this extensively at busy London train stations in rush hour. I walk in a dead straight line, fast pace, zero collisions. The stare makes the difference.

I love this. I'm too polite. Went into a shop today and I pushed the door open and then held it as someone was coming towards me and it would've closed in front of them if I'd have just let go. Rather than taking the weight off the door from me as they walked out, he left me holding the door for him, said thank you and walked through as if I was a door person. I wish I had the confidence to march after people and explain what I expected to elevate them to somewhere near to considerate. I was conclude it must be me. I wonder whether I'll just end up staying indoors as I don't seem to understand the rules anymore. I'm there with you off the kerb and I'm the road or the river. 🤣 I'd rather be me though.

I stand my ground if I am carrying heavy bags and I can see a man purposely making his way towards me rather than having the courtesy to move aside.

I have noticed it is mainly men doing that and I think some of them are doing it just because they think the little woman will automatically give way...

@CareHope difficult in such a a jaw dropping moment of entitlement.
I recommend having a few phrases to hand - eg a heavily sarcastic " no trouble at all , anytime "

Very occasionally, when someone is trying to barge past me in the opposite direction on a narrow tube platform, I will apply something that my old dad taught me who used to play a lot of rugby and “drop the shoulder”.

This means that they not only barge into me, but they bounce off me. I think rugby players use it to avoid being tackled.

I know it’s not very nice, but all’s fair in love and war.

I must admit that I've been wondering if the art of herding small children is becoming a lost one. So many parents seem not bother these days

For those saying it’s mainly men, I think it’s women just as much as men to be honest. I was recently shouldered by a lady who suddenly walked across and into my path. By doing that, I had nowhere to go but into a wall, whereas she had about four metres of a very wide and empty walkway - but no she fancied a few seconds in the shade, which was apparently more important. I don’t know where she expected me to go. Flatten myself against the wall or something. She didn’t apologise - just kept on walking. I was also recently shouldered hard in the back in a rather empty shop by a lady as she passed me. I know it was an accident but she didn’t say sorry either.

Men are just as bad, but I think both sexes include bad mannered tossers.

Yes.....this has got a lot worse in recent years, I've noticed. Maybe because I am older? Dunno

Is it literally just allowing your shoulder to lower, or something else?

I think some people have never been taught the etiquette of doors and are probably too dim to work it out for themselves.

I remember being taught as a child that when you go through a door you check if anyone is coming towards you or about to follow you through the door and, in either case, hold the door until they get there so they can take it from you rather than let it shut in their face. If anyone does it for you then you thank them and take the door from them when you reach them.

Thankfully I still find most people do this but you get the occasional so-and-so who just walks through without a word or, like you describe, say thank you but don't take the door! Obviously if it's someone with a pushchair or something I am happy to hold it until they are through.

Mind you I remember being pleasantly surprised a while back. I used to attend a Saturday morning music club. This was held in school premises but wasn't actually organised by the school. I play a largish instrument so would be carrying the instrument case plus at least one other bag for a stand, music etc. One day I was walking down a corridor which had three sets of doors I needed to negotiate and this very sweet, polite teenager who was just behind me darted ahead at every set of doors and held them open for me to get through. What a well brought-up child!

There was a thread a while ago on this and it registered with me that I was moving and men and younger people were not.

Since then I completely stop and THEY walk around me.
Stopping has changed this.