To find this rude?

[strawberryfandango]

If someone has paid for a family members partner to attend a holiday, paid for their accommodation and activities - for this person to then say “I don’t want to go” a few days before. Is this rude?

Is the partner controlling/abusive?

They might be using this as an opportunity to exercise their control over their spouse and to drive a wedge between them and their family.

Well I hope you replied with 'That's a shame. We'll just look forward to seeing you on your own then.'

I would say, that's a shame, thanks for letting us know, but unfortunately activities had been booked and they will need to cover the cost which is £££££££££££

And if they say 'well no, I'm not coming either. I don't want to come on my own' then the response should be 'Ah. So when you said your partner doesn't want to come, what you really meant was YOU don't want to come unless they are coming. Stop putting all the responsibility for the decision on your partner when you could easily choose to come along without them. Just have the guts to say that you don't want to come either.'

I’d send them the bill of ALL of the costs they have incurred which sent be cancelled!!! They will either change their mind and come or they will realise what an arsehole they have been - or their partner will!!