To find this rude?

[strawberryfandango]

If someone has paid for a family members partner to attend a holiday, paid for their accommodation and activities - for this person to then say “I don’t want to go” a few days before. Is this rude?

Anxiety is absolutely not an excuse to pull out of a fully paid for holiday!!

Have they offered to repay any money lost? What has the family member whose partner this is said - do they still want to go?

It’s beyond rude, this is why I will always teach my kids it is not okay to flake on plans you have agreed unless there is a genuine reason. Don’t feel like going? My answer is always tough luck you’re going.

YANBU. Flakey people are so annoying and it’s just ungrateful in this situation.

Surely if the booking is per room and it's a family member and their partner and the partner doesn't want to go, then the family member still goes without them and therefore needs the room anyway? So there won't be any difference in cost if the partner doesn't go.

I’d let the room cost go as presumably it would have been the same regardless. I’d ask for the cost of activities to be covered and I’d cancel the ones just for the two of them.

They will never be invited again.

I guess it's Certreparcs or similar. Given such short notice and the fact that bookings cannot aimply be cancelled for their activities then they should be asked to pay their sharenof activities. Ridiculous behaviour!!

Also assumed CP.

Tell the family member that their partner won’t be invited to anything again. The family member should cover the costs for the family and get the money from their partner separately.

Yes, it’s rude.

Anxiety is no excuse.

Is it just the partner who doesn't want to come, rather than the family member?
I wonder if there is something going on in the relationship that you aren't aware of. Also will the family member feel in debt? There are also posts where people have said about paying for someone and they have made no gesture to acknowledge this - buying a meal when out for everyone for example - maybe they are worried about this being expected and whether they can afford it?
Maybe they don't like the family and don't want to spend that much time with them - perhaps they said yes but then realised they would need to spend all their time together with everyone rather than it being a holiday for them.
You also mention UK holiday park (I am guessing Haven from the description) - perhaps they have seen some of the negative reviews and no longer want to go (if it is haven there have been lots of negatives about ants this summer, plus also the bed bug story that was all over the news).

Can the other person bring a friend or another relative instead? I’d be clear that it was rude given the cost and effort put into ensuring they’d have an enjoyable break, and that no further invitations will be forthcoming.

Very rude unless something has happened (work cancelled leave/illness/death etc)

Was the trip properly confirmed? Had they confirmed they could take those dates off work?

There’s always a reason why someone doesn’t go to something, have they given a reason? It’s not good enough to say I’m just not coming.

They could be stressed at work and need the rest time, family holidays are tiring and intense. They don’t have to tell the truth on this but they should still have a decent excuse.

Oh my goodness my SIL did the same!!! I was fuming as we’ve booked a few things just for her but she just ‘couldn’t get leave’ from her supermarket job a week before (when she’s known about this trip for at least 3 months). We couldn’t get any refund so we just went ahead, but it just shows how little she cares about spending time with us and we don’t really talk anymore.

It's very rude, but not feeling committed to do anything seems to be a 'thing' these days. I would tell him he's wasted money and let you all down then carry on with the holiday.

It is if you physically can't go

If anything, I think it was utterly stupid of the person to pay for a random man's vacation in the first place. But yes, him satying he doesn't want to go after all is really rude. But the first person is still more stupid than he was rude.

If you’re this bad, you don’t sign up for things with others. Also you should cover full costs if you drop out.

I know someone who's sil pulled out of a family holiday due to anxiety...actually not pulled out. Cancelled it completely. The kids were all geared up and excited to be going and 2 weeks before she cancels losing thousands. The marriage didn't survive and the kids who were around 10 at the time have little or nothing to do with her now they are adults. They couldn't get over the disappointment. She didn't even consider saying to her husband you go with the kids alone.

Sometimes people go along with things in the moment and regret it afterwards.

Don't make this person feel more guilty than they do already, you can still go and enjoy yourselves.

Nobody knows if they feel guilty or not.

If they regretted saying ‘yes’ then why would they send the lead booker a list of activities they wanted to do? Knowing it would then be booked and paid for?

They should feel very guilty. This is terrible behaviour.

Also no more invites going forward.

Did they message you directly to say the don't want to come?
Who contacted you about booking all the activities?

I do get the feeling the partner didn't want to go on the holiday (as personally I wouldn't want to go on a big family holiday either) but the family member said they would go and was hoping they would change their mind.

It does sound like anxiety if they wanted to do all those activities but now it's closer to the time they can't go through with it.
That's a reason not an excuse though!

My family member messaged my parents directly saying “Partner doesn’t want to come now. Don’t know why, they’re just saying they don’t feel like it”.

The partner messaged the group chat with a list of activities they personally wanted to do. As they have been before and recommended things the rest of us might like.

We are not the type of people to expect people to come. It was an invitation not an obligation. There was absolutely no pressure for them to attend.

If they are not willing to come ,you are not willing to pay for it .Bill them for their share of the room and don't invite again. They wouldn't drop out if it was their cash.

My family member messaged my parents directly saying “Partner doesn’t want to come now. Don’t know why, they’re just saying they don’t feel like it”.
The partner messaged the group chat with a list of activities they personally wanted to do. As they have been before and recommended things the rest of us might like.

How utterly rude, ungrateful, and entitled.

Ignore them, don't cancel anything, do it all, and bill them. Actions have consequences.