If your DM lives nearby would she expect to be invited to yours for drinks with your friends/neighbours every time? Would you invite her?

[Travelfairy]

YABU- Yes I would include her in every kind of get together at mine.
YANBU- she shouldnt expect to be invited to every friends get together, it changes the dynamic

I’d shut her down by telling her it was a do for your friends and she doesn’t get invited to everything. Do you see her lots? Why is she whinging? Is she lonely? Small social circle? Suggest some other activities for her. Is she reliant on you and your dsis for everything?

My mum lives with us and I wouldn't invite her if I was having friends over. I'd feed her early and check she has everything she needs and then go and have a nice time with my friends! She seems perfectly happy with this - she spends the evening playing Sudoku and talking to my brothers

We do whole family things fairly every couple of weeks and she will always be at those, but I will not invite her to join us if it is my friends or even our neighbours unless it is some sort of neighbourhood meeting.

It’s the same as when people bring their teens to friend events. Out of politeness you say it’s ok but it’s not really. If I want to talk about student houses and a levels I can talk to my own teens. I want to see my friends and have a laugh not the polite inter generational chat you inevitably end up having.

Particularly as it’s never the fun teens or elderly parents who want to be included! The fun ones are off with their own friends!

About a 5 minute walk but can't see house from hers

Omg that sounds smothering

She is in a few clubs but still likes to always be at mine and know whats going on!

Very!!!

My DSis has no social gatherings. Has no friends tbh

She is in a few clubs but still for some reason always wants to be involved in anything going on at my house. She is not easy company. She is the fussiest eater ever, hard of hearing and kind of expects everyone especially me to fuss over her. I had enough to be doing though!!!
She was asking my DS to show photos on his phone and asking who everyone was etc, I think to feed back to me DSis. How sad is that!? 😂

It's pretty sad. TBH i also wonder how your Dsis feels about it. You think it's so she can gossip negatively about you- your Dsis might think your mother is showing her how her life is wanting. You have social events and lots of friends and she doesn't!

Does she try and play you off each other? DH's father used to do that - big note DH to BIL while running DH down to his face and big-noting BIL to DH while running BIL down to his face. It caused anger, resentment and I can;t help but wonder what the point of it all was.

Whatever it is, it sounds very very annoying. And no not healthy to expect to be enmeshed in your life.

My FIL lives across the road from us. He turns up at our house most days at 5pm like a stray cat and joins us if we have friends round. We often hang out with our next door neighbours and if we aren’t at home he will pop round to theirs. They often invite him in even if we aren’t there 😆 He drives me bonkers but he is well meaning so I cope.

This one hundred per cent. She’ll make it sound reasonable that she should be there it’s very much not.

My DC live nearby and I certainly don't want to go to everything they're doing or have them at everything I'm doing, it's not natural tbh.

No, I don’t really need or want to be invited to DDs when she has friends or neighbours round.

Neither would I always invite her to mine.

God that would drive me potty, irrespective of how nice or lovely my in-law might be! I'd struggle if that was my own parent too 😆