If your DM lives nearby would she expect to be invited to yours for drinks with your friends/neighbours every time? Would you invite her?

[Travelfairy]

YABU- Yes I would include her in every kind of get together at mine.
YANBU- she shouldnt expect to be invited to every friends get together, it changes the dynamic

YANBU - some occasions yes but it definitely changes the dynamic. On the same note I would be horrified if adult DC invited me to everything they hosted.

I would invite her to family things or just mum/daughter get togethers but I don't think she would be interested in hanging out with my friends or my husbands friends.

She does live nearby, and no she doesn’t expect to be invited (and I doubt she’d come if she was - she has her own stuff going on).

No of course not. My friends are my friends, not hers. My mum has her own friendships that are a very different dynamic to mine.

I am being guilt tripped that it 'would have been nice to be included' 🙄 TBH I think she likes to know everything thats going on, possibly to report back to my DSis

Just to add she comes to everything else but this was just 6 couples and a couple of their teen kids (to hang out with ours)

I invite her to the things I want her to come to. I also have some time with my friends without her.
She's pleased to be invited but there was no way she and my dad were including their parents in their social lives when they were my age, so doesn't expect to come to everything. I think it would unbalance our relationship for me not to have a social circle that excluded her, but we haven't always lived near each other.

I would have invited my mum to everything if she had lived closer, and all our friends loved her. But she would never have expected an invitation.

Absolutely not.
If she can't respect that you have your own life, perhaps look at moving.

No. This happened before covid but my dm who lived 12 miles away wanted to come to a bbq at my house. We were having a bunch of friends and she would not have known anyone. I said no but did feel guilty.

I would have found it very odd visiting friends and they always had their dm there. It changes the whole dynamic and also would stifle the conversation especially if there were certain things you wanted to discuss.

Did your grandparents get invited to everything your parents did when you were young?

Ignore guilt tripping.

My mum lives nearby and I have never once invited her to a get together with my friends. I invite her over for dinner on her own, or to family events, but not events with my friends.

Your mother is being totally unreasonable. You are not there to provide a social life for her.

Yes, it’s never even occurred to me to. And I’m fond of my mother.

thats the thing with some families that and it does alter the trust dynamics between people too

No way.

Of course not.
She has her friends and I have mine.
There might be the occasional cross over on 'big birthdays' or weddings but not just normal socialising.

I am fond of my Mum but she very much favours my DSis and likes to talk about me to her I think. Its pretty sad but I think thats the other thing that irks me, she is a very serious person, not someone up for having a laugh but still wants to come to sort of observe? I dont know but its annoying me that I am letting her make me feel a little bad about it! As you have all rightly said no my grandparents didnt attend any of my parents events!!

No and yes. My mum wouldn’t expect it but I would. I love my mum to bits. She actually has a better social life and wider friend circle than me though so would probably pie me off.

I have 3 adult DDs.

I do not expect to be part of their social lives. They do all sorts of things and invite all sorts of people to their place and it is none of my business.

We also socialise with each other of course as a family; and occasionally I will be there when their friends are if they are people I know.

I am widowed and on my own but I do not expect to live my life through them. They are a part of my life of course, but so are lots of other people.

Good Lord no of course not. Mum certainly didn’t invite me to everything she did either.

The one good thing here is that she actually said something. A chance to be quite blunt in return. ‘God Mum it would be pretty odd if we didn’t have our own lives. And incidentally why do you discuss me with dsis so much?’

You sound really balanced. She is also a widow. She does have friends but wouldn't do evening stuff with them, more meet for a coffee type thing

I would love to say the second part but she would flat out deny it to my face!!!

Then just laugh and say you know she does. Anyway, don’t worry. My grandmother very rarely attended social things at my parents’ and she lived next door!

I’d invite her sometimes. She’s smart and funny and my friends love her. She wouldn’t expect to be invited every time. Nor, would I expect to be invited to every get together with her friends.