AIBU to not leave the kitchen spotless once I have finished prepping dinner?

[ablastfromthepast]

Settle an argument.

When you have finished prepping and serving dinner (ie, dinner is on the table ready to eat) is it normal to still have bits and pieces to clear up in the kitchen, or would you expect the kitchen to be left as you found it (pots in dishwasher, surfaces wiped down, all items used in meal preparation away?)

I am the cook, all meal preparation with rare exception falls to me. I will call DH and DC when dinner is on the table. We have a few different dietary needs in the house so I am often making 2-3 different meals or variations, and I am not a naturally tidy chef, so in the process of trying to get dinner on the table for everyone at the same time, there’s usually a bit of tidying up to be done after dinner.

DH will often come down after I call him for dinner and huff about the mess and start tidying up rather than sitting down to eat, He thinks that it should be possible to tidy-up-as-you-go and by the time dinner is served, the kitchen is basically as you found it.

I think this unreasonable and it is to be expected that there will be some clearing up to do after dinner. Who is right?

YABU - you should be able to tidy-as-you-go and leave a neat kitchen
YANBU - clearing up after dinner is to be expected

Jeez. My DH lived to cook and did so on weekends. He was a tidy as you go person, but there were still things to clean up - I mean you take the roast out of the pan and veggies from the pots you aren’t going to let everything get cold while you scrub them clean! But there was much less to do when he cooked as opposed to when I did.
Your DH is being ridiculous.

DH and I share the cooking 50/50 and the general rule is whoever didn't cook does the washing up.

We are both pretty tidy cooks and try to clear up as we go. But, with the best will in the world, there are some meals where you can't wash everything up before you serve. It seems utter madness to me that anyone would consider leaving their meal to go cold while they washed the dishes.

Your DH is being unreasonable and I think it is time preparing the evening meal was a task shared. I completely agree that doing the tidying up while his food is going cold is very weird and very rude. I would remonstrate about this a few times and, if he still did it, would be tempted to throw his dinner in the bin. Might seem like an over-reaction but the shock value could surely lead to a useful discussion about valuing a good meal, showing appreciation, basically indicating how angry his behaviour makes you feel.

It's definitely him in the wrong not you.

I do as much as possible as I go, but unless I’m only reheating leftovers in the microwave, there’s always some stuff to today away. Do you only ever make exactly the right amount of food for everyone? What if someone wants seconds?

I tidy as I go, ie load the dishwasher, mostly, might be one or two bits left on the cooker, or if the dishwasher is full before dinner is finished I'll set it off so it can be emptied and reloaded later, that and wiping down etc gets done after dinner by the person who didn't cook

I put a bowl of hot soapy water and put used utensils in there. Put things in the bin away as used. If I have time then I'll wash the dishes when it's cooking otherwise it gets done after

I clean as I go as much as I can, but there are always a few things that still need doing. Hubby is a clean after guy which drives me nutty hahaha.

This 1000%

i think there is just an element of basic manners that when someone is doing a direct service to you, however minor, the etiquette is to say thank you. Someone holds the door open for you, passes you a pencil, etc - you say thanks. So someon making you a meal falls into that category IMO so I find it rude that dinner routinely passes with no acknowledgment- not because I am doing something above-and-beyond in preparing a meal, but because it’s an etiquette thing.

I do try to make an effort to thank or acknowledge DH for the routine jobs he does because I know how annoying it is to get zero positive recognition at mealtimes!

I'd stop cooking for the twat. How obnoxious and rude.

Next meal time, call the kids and tell him that his is waiting for him to make it tidily.

I just find it incredibly rude and undermines trying to have a family mealtime if everyone else is halfway through eating by the time he has finished tidying up.

i feel like i am constantly putting effort into getting multiple meals/variations ready to be served simultaneously and then trying to get anyone to actually sit at the dinner table is like I am punishing them. Sigh.

Invite your husband to spend time with you in the kitchen and help tidy things away as you cook.

I am your DH in this. I tidy as I go because I cannot be fucked with a huge pile of washing up after eating. The only thing I’ll leave till after is the main pot/pan used for cooking - any other pots, trays, utensils, chopping board etc will all be washed when I’ve finished using them. I also wipe the worktops down. I HATE the mess my DH leaves after cooking, he somehow uses everything we own and leaves all peelings and packets all over the worktop. It drives me NUTS.

Which cultures are they? Do they eat mainly cold food?

Disagree
I loathe DH cooking as he leaves a bombsite
Just clear up as you go
It ruins a nice meal being cooked for you if the chef leaves the kitchen a tip!

Does he EVER cook, OP? For example, does he understand how hard it is to coordinate getting everything cooked and ready at the same time, plated up and on the table so everyone can eat together? Because it's sounding more and more as though he's a bit of a chauvinist who thinks he can do everything just so much better...

I live alone but when I have guests I tidy as I go because we eat in the kitchen and trying to have a nice meal with stuff all over and an unwiped surface drives me mad. Cooking just for me I will leave bits to do when I've eaten because I don't have a dishwasher and if I've got to wash up my plates I might just as well wash everything at once and wipe the surfaces when they're clear.

He's being ridiculous. I tidy as I go but there's always a few things left from plating up and serving that need washing up after. I have zero interest in eating cold food so as soon as it's ready, we're eating. A bit of clean up is to be expected.

If he wants it immaculate, tell him he's free to wash up as you cook.

I have absolutely destroyed the kitchen making meals and my DH always cleans up, even when I don't want him to, without one utterance of complaint. I clean as I go, but often things are left because they're too hot, don't fit in the dishwasher etc so things are bound to be left out when dinner is on the table. Yours sounds like he's never cooked or just likes to complain. Serve him ramen noodles from now on and make your clean up (and his) easier.

I do all the cooking, there’s just the two of us now. I’m pretty tidy as I prepare and cook but my hubby does the bulk of washing and tidying afterwards. What I love about the house we now live in is that the kitchen is separate to the lounge diner, we can’t see any carnage in the kitchen whilst dining.

Our last house had a kitchen diner and I was very conscious about the state of the kitchen before dining, I hated sitting down to eat with all the used pots and pans on show 🤪

I fill the the sink with hot soapy water and wash and dry as I go. By the time I'm plating up there's pretty much only serving spoons and pots/pans needing cleaned which get a good rinse and are left to soak.

I quite often get a few pots washed and dried while DH is faffing about with his seasoning and condiments etc.

Yanbu.

You cook and serve.

Him and DS tidy up AFTER

He can be the sous chef and tidy up for you as you go rather than lurking upstairs playing on his phone or whatever. Or take it in turns to cook and see how he does.

Well, he's the cook now.

You must have a very limited circle of friends then and be frequently served lukewarm, concealing food.

Yanbu, he should be tidying up after dinner because you cooked - and he shouldn't be expecting some kind of show home standard of living - is he also like this in other ways?

I clear up lots of things as I go, but inevitably there will always be stuff left. After the meal DS and DH sort out clearing the table, loading the dishwasher and hand washing things that can't go in the dishwasher.
If someone was to criticise the state of the kitchen after I have thought about what to cook, make sure we had the ingredients, then cooked the meal, it would be the last meal I prepared for them, for quite a while.