AIBU to not leave the kitchen spotless once I have finished prepping dinner?

[ablastfromthepast]

Settle an argument.

When you have finished prepping and serving dinner (ie, dinner is on the table ready to eat) is it normal to still have bits and pieces to clear up in the kitchen, or would you expect the kitchen to be left as you found it (pots in dishwasher, surfaces wiped down, all items used in meal preparation away?)

I am the cook, all meal preparation with rare exception falls to me. I will call DH and DC when dinner is on the table. We have a few different dietary needs in the house so I am often making 2-3 different meals or variations, and I am not a naturally tidy chef, so in the process of trying to get dinner on the table for everyone at the same time, there’s usually a bit of tidying up to be done after dinner.

DH will often come down after I call him for dinner and huff about the mess and start tidying up rather than sitting down to eat, He thinks that it should be possible to tidy-up-as-you-go and by the time dinner is served, the kitchen is basically as you found it.

I think this unreasonable and it is to be expected that there will be some clearing up to do after dinner. Who is right?

YABU - you should be able to tidy-as-you-go and leave a neat kitchen
YANBU - clearing up after dinner is to be expected

Wholly agree with this also. If someone cooks you dinner - you say thank you, you don't bloody whinge. That's totally obnoxious behaviour.

If you are cooking in a kitchen which is not in your own house,yes. In your own house? No. You will clean it in your own time.

This is the solution. Or LTB.

I tidy up as much as possible as I go but that last few bits that will involve letting the food go cold to clear up can wait until after. Things like Yorkshire pudding trays, gravy saucepans and carving boards.

I tidy up as I cook. DH doesn't. As a result, in our house we have a rule that s/he who cooks also clears away. One cooking, the other clearing didn't work, as DH would have nothing more to do than scrape the plates and put them in the dishwasher when I cooked, yet I'd have to clean the whole kitchen, cooker etc when he cooked.

I genuinely don't understand why someone wouldn't clear up as they went along, because its simply so much more time efficient. But as long as they aren't expecting someone else to clear up after them, it's not really a problem.

I’m a messy cook, OH is military clean Head Chef so cleans as he goes.

The grated cheese scattered round the worktop was a bit annoying but that was the work off a 10yo and I certainly wasn’t getting up to sort it out after I had already sat down!

There are definitely much worse examples when I am making more complex meals or need to cook more variations where the 3x as much mess. I do my best to tidy as I go but I never find myself standing round twiddling my thumbs when I am making dinner, it usually feels like I am trying to do five things at once so I I don’t know how I would manage to be tidier.

You really aren't the problem here!

Wouldn't it be just so much nicer had he said when presented with yet another meal - 'Thanks darling, looks really nice'.
Next time he complains I would tell him it's his turn to cook tomorrow.

Yes, I clean up as I go along but it's not possible to have an empty, tidy kitchen when cooking. Veg chilli, rice and cheese on top. 2 pans, one plate straight off. Does he expect you to clean up while the food is going cold on the plates?

Oh god I could start a whole other thread about this - no-one ever says thank you and a very rarely even comments on the food without me prompting (if I have cooked something new I might say “well I thought that was delicious!” which will generally prompt a “yes that was very nice - thank you). But then, I don’t necessarily thank DH when he mows the lawn or puts the bins out or whatever his regular jobs are so why does cooking have a different status?

He will fuss about tidying up while his food is going cold on the plate which I find weird and rude!

I fill the sink with hot water so throw things in if I'm juggling too much, then wash and stack if I get the time. Pots, chopping boards, tinware goes in the sink, everything else goes in the dishwasher. I wipe down the sides. When DH cooks he does the same. No-one here wants to be banging around in the kitchen for 20 minutes after dinner.

You are doing the cooking , it is your decision whether you clean as you go or not. Tell your DH to concentrate on his responsibilities and leave you to yours.
That said, it would be worth getting into the habit of clearing up as you go, it is much easier and less work overall.

He can cook dinner from now on, thd cheeky fucker

I’m never really sure HOW to be tidier - I never consciously think “pfff, I will leave to for later”. I know my brain doesn’t naturally “complete the circle” - I use something annd it doesn’t follow that I need to put it away, so I need to be a conscious effort to put things back after using them. But even when I make tidying-as-I-go a conscious focus it doesn’t result in a kitchen that doesn’t look like I have just used it to cook dinner. I think that is an impossible goal.

We've had discussions in this house about why the cook expects to be thanked, whereas letting other household chores go unacknowledged is fine. My DP insists that it is basic manners to thank the chef once you've taken the first taste of your food, but my view is that piece of etiquette probably stems from the days when women made the dinner and did all the rest of the housework so were being thanked for their overall contribution to running the household. I am not the chef in our house so kind of resent being expected to say an effusive thanks at the start of each meal, when I feel quite strongly that much of my contribution to running the household goes is never acknowledged by anyone. Saying that I do it anyway, and always comment if I particularly enjoy something.

I clean as I go but there is still always stuff left to do after dinner is plated!

I clean as i go. All the food is put out on the
island in serving dishes when cooked and everything I’ve used is in the dishwasher. Dh doesn’t give a shit either way frankly, he’s just delighted to be fed!

I tidy up as I go- but the kitchen still looks as if I cooked dinner- then i send my OH in to do the washing up, so nI only have to do a little tidying and wipe around before bed for the kitchen to look presentable.

It is weird and rude! I hope you and the DC pay no attention and get stuck in.

You know what's worse? My OH does pretty much nothing housework wise and on the rare occasion he washes up I am the one to say thanks. Instantly after I wonder why I say it! Novelty I suppose.

as soon as he started huffing I would be passing all cooking for the next three nights to him and see how he gets on

I would just ignore him and leave him to it. Let him do the job if it matters that much to him. You just enjoy your meal. Let him grumble.

"If you think it needs clearing up right now then please feel free to do so - I am going to enjoy my meal while it is hot."

I tidy and clean as I go so by the time I dish up the only stuff still to clean would be the pans, dishes and plates that are still in use.

My husband is the opposite and it drives me mad. However, it's for him to decide how to do things when he cooks.

How bizarre! I wouldn’t dream of washing up or cleaning the hob/worktops before I eat. I usually wash up just before I go to bed at about 1 o’clock.