Family lacking manners, or just me?

[LetterBetter]

I hosted a family lunch for 15 adults and 4 children. They are relatives but not close ones, I don't see them often.

I provided all the food and drink, spent quite a bit on the food and lots of time prepping. I ended up feeling like a used venue rather than an appreciated family member.

These are the main things that stood out.

1. They all left their plates/glasses everywhere
2. I always take a token bottle of wine/flowers/chocs if invited to a meal but not one of them bought anything
3. No one messaged to say thank you afterwards

Are these things ridiculous to feel a bit surprised by? I wonder if I just hold myself to different manners, but this is otherwise pretty normal?

Send them a bill

they do sound rude - however I would have directed a bit more if obvious no one going to help with clearing up.

meal finished - bob can you bring house plates thiroufh. Betty can you grab the glasses for me. James can you grab the left over meat and bring to the kitchen. might have helped people to realise a little help was in order.

I love the idea of this 😂

No, YANBU - that’s incredibly rude behaviour on their part. They should all have brought wine, chocolates and / or pudding. And most definitely should have said thank you.

No good deed goes unpunished it seems!

I think inviting other people to your do is astonishingly rude!

Yes, definitely this, too!

Did your guests have a nice time? They’ll probably have gone away with happy memories of your hospitality - even if they haven’t said so.

I agree! That's probably the worst bit of their entitled behaviour.

The lack of any effort even to take plates and glasses into the kitchen and the extra guests without asking is enough ill manners for me.

That’s incredibly rude - how did the meal go itself? Did they at least show some appreciation while gobbling down the food you went to so much trouble to produce? Did they say thank you as they left?

It’s so mean not to bring a bottle or chocs and dreadful not to help clear up or send a thank you text. Were they young adults? I think you have no idea how much effort a meal like that is until you’ve catered for other people yourself. Even so though, no excuse at all!

@LetterBetter I'd 'only' invited 10 of them (I felt 10 was enough to cater for!) but then they invited 5 more between themselves.

Surely you don't mean they just turned up ?! Or did they tell you they were bringing more?

Why did you do this for relatives you're not close to. Dont do it again. Theyve been rude

If they never host and are never normally hosted by friends or rellies they probably don’t know you take something for the host. What’s very obvious in some households /families may not be in others

When did you find out the extras were coming? If they randomly appeared I think I would have made it quite clear and would have probably been rude myself in saying quite loudly I wasn't expecting so many people, same with the dog.
I think I also would have made some dig about the plates and told people where to take them.

You sound like a lovely person and clearly a good host which they all took advantage of. If they mention doing it again it would definitely be a no.

If you invited 10 you should now be expecting at least 5 return invitations for lunch at their homes? See how they do. Don't forget to take your friends ( unannounced). Oh, and your dog.

Don’t be such a pushover.

Someone wants to bring a dog? You say no.

Someone wants to bring an extra person? You say no.

If you make it so easy for people to walk all over you then you cannot complain when they do.

That's really rude, my parents always drilled into me that I should never turn up to someone's house empty handed. I always do this and have drilled it into my kids and they also do the same. Even if my mate just invited me for a quick coffee, I always arrive with a packet of her favourite biscuits.

We were recently invited to a friend's bbq so ds went to the corner shop & bought chocolates and flowers. I didn't ask him to do this, he's seen me doing it enough times that he knew what was expected. We also individually followed up with a thank you afterwards.

Your relatives were rude and entitled, I wouldn't invite them back again.

All of it was rude but especially inviting another five people between them! Did they run that past you first?

I've had similar before and it really feels horrible. I just stopped putting in so much effort for people dont appreciate or reciprocate.