Dh cannot stick to a budget

[Kindareadyforautumnnow]

We’re all off work and school for the next three weeks. The first two weeks we’re doing a staycation (live in a beach area and lots to do)
The third week we go a few hours drive away.
I’ve set aside money for each week, already done a food shop for this week and petrol. We had some left over for small things-coffee and ice creams at the beach, local pool and lunch and either one bigger day out for Dc or a lunch/dinner out.
Today he’s spent £70 of it in one day, went to the shop for breakfast-a few pastries I didn’t even see, ended up getting Dd a toy and magazine. Took her to an event this afternoon which was only £6 which I thought was great, told me they got a Kfc, he got her something and put petrol in the car (we didn’t need it) and got tobacco.
Money just slips through his fingers. He thinks nothing of getting regular take away pizzas etc, doesn’t seem to understand how expensive it is now and how much a weekly food shop is nowadays.
I end up having to be the boring one as he tells me to leave him to enjoy time with Dd on his holidays.
I spend the whole time stressing about money

Aibu

He wants to be Fun Dad

Which is fine, but it’s always excessive, could have done the fun activity then maybe just an ice cream for her, which is the way I do it

I couldn't live with someone like that, being on the same page financially is very important to me

Has be always been so feckless

Can you cancel the week away? He's spending money you can't afford, there are consequences.

Yeah, this would stress me out as well.

Yes, he tries to turn it around and says I get to spend money with Dd…difference is we do small things and I budget it out

Just leave him in charge of the finances for the rest of this week and ask what he plans to do

Well he gets to plan for the week where there is no money left.

Hopefully you don't share finances.

Exactly. But it also sounds like you are parenting a teen which must be incredibly unattractive.
but how did he spend the money? How have you budgeted? Did he spend his own money or from the joint bank account? What happens when you have spent the third week’s budget by the ens of the second week?

It’s not fair though on the rest of us is it though
We have enough for this week but will just be a few coffees and ice cream now
I said to him that he can budget it all as i’m sick if the stress, but I know I can’t rely on that

I don’t think I can trust that though

Maybe every time he overspends you have to cut back on something that directly affects him.

Could you set up different accounts for different spends?

So e.g. a food account with no takeaways coming from that account?
A bills account which gets enough added to it to cover the month and nothing else comes out of there.

And then a fun account and when it's gone it's gone.

And maybe finally an "anything else" for clothes/petrol/whatever boring things need paying for.

Obviously you shouldn't have to, but would that help him see how the money just vanished?

Freeze his card. Spending recklessly so you miss out on a holiday is financial abuse. He is using money to control the situation.

Take out the cash for the rest of this week. Give it to him. Tell him how long it has to last and that is it. And he is now in charge of it.

We’ve put this as joint budget for each week

Absolutely don't do that or the budget for the whole holiday will be gone in the week

Ug it wont work as he is over spending on what would be the fun holiday account.

Daily budget? Use cash so he cant tap.

Use cash.
Nothing concentrates the mind like knowing your weekly spending is limited to the amount in your purse. This is what I did years ago when dh was made redundant.

This is in cash, to make it easier to know how much

Divide the weekly spending money in two. When he runs out, he runs out.
Ironically he may start budgeting accidentally in an effort to avoid spending his money in favour of yours.

So when you are out together he’s going to try and spend your fun money. You’ll say no. And he’s left with deciding whether to spend his.

What a selfish man. I could not live like this.
You could try separating your finances as much as possible and each have 50% of the spends in your control (shared account for bills and then independent accounts with equal spending money). Then if he spends all his available money, in the last week he can stay home whilst you and child go out and have fun. But to be honest that is a sticking plaster.
If he did not change substantially I would insist on a divorce in order to separate financially. Then I could be financially responsible for me and my child and know I am saving for their future and that bills will be paid. You could still remain together and be a couple but with a clean financial split.

Fgs. He really is a knob isnt he. Take out week two and week three money. Keep them separate and away from him. Leave him the cash for this week alone.

This isn't a criticism, but do you budget because you need to or just because it's your habit? I ask because my BiL and SiL are like this, she budgets and he doesn't. Neither of them need to, but she likes to feel in control and he is more laid back. If you need to budget and he blows it, that's a different problem...

I do like to feel in control of it as we’d be screwed if spent it all. My true personality would love someone else to take care of it