Dh cannot stick to a budget

[Kindareadyforautumnnow]

We’re all off work and school for the next three weeks. The first two weeks we’re doing a staycation (live in a beach area and lots to do)
The third week we go a few hours drive away.
I’ve set aside money for each week, already done a food shop for this week and petrol. We had some left over for small things-coffee and ice creams at the beach, local pool and lunch and either one bigger day out for Dc or a lunch/dinner out.
Today he’s spent £70 of it in one day, went to the shop for breakfast-a few pastries I didn’t even see, ended up getting Dd a toy and magazine. Took her to an event this afternoon which was only £6 which I thought was great, told me they got a Kfc, he got her something and put petrol in the car (we didn’t need it) and got tobacco.
Money just slips through his fingers. He thinks nothing of getting regular take away pizzas etc, doesn’t seem to understand how expensive it is now and how much a weekly food shop is nowadays.
I end up having to be the boring one as he tells me to leave him to enjoy time with Dd on his holidays.
I spend the whole time stressing about money

Aibu

I think you’re a bit unreasonable.
Buying petrol surely doesn’t count against the summer going out, ice cream, activity budget? You’d be paying that expense anyway at some point. How much of the £70 was that? Deduct the petrol otherwise we should be saying you can’t hold to a budget and counting the petrol you bought…

I also think it’s weird to resent him buying a breakfast pastry, a book and a toy, and then KFC when you said that your budget included a bigger day out with lunch/dinner- all he has just done that bigger day out around a very cheap £6 event?

Or was the one bigger day out with a lunch meant to be with you? Not him? Is that why he says it’s not fair because money only gets spent when she is out with you?

Tbf, sometimes one really fun day out is worth more than 5 days of you can only have an ice cream or a lolly.

Budgeting is stressful and I do have to wonder if your budget was even realistic, £70 on a day out even without counting petrol (which must be at least half that) is really a shoestring budget for a fun day out.

I also wonder how your conversation went when they came home and if your DD overheard any of it? This is the kind of situation where the objective of FUN was achieved so the hit to the budget should be considered moving forward.

You won’t cope well otherwise when DD is moody 14yr old and all you fun ideas and money spent result in teen whinging and ungratefulness. Enjoy the fact you and your DH can create fun days for her and try and not spoil them afterwards by stressing over £70 (minus petrol)

Gosh you really must have no idea

And possibly little imagination if they assume you can't have a 'fun' day with only an ice cream or lolly!
Find a way to get your DH on board with the budget OP, you are completely rational about this, hope you enjoy the rest of the hols x

What he is doing g is actually stealing the fun from you, on top of leaving all the budgeting to you. Seems he thinks he is just there to have fun, while you are left to do the adulting.

and he doesn’t even see it. Or admit it.

My DH is the same and I am seriously considering leaving him as it’s giving me the ick. He doesn’t seem to get it.

Men are visual creatures, maybe it'd help him to see how much he spends in actual numbers?

For instance, I recently noticed that I spend too much on eating out this summer. But I didn't really have an idea about how much I was spending in actual numbers. I decided to open a new bank account to which I transfer any money I'm thinking about spending on eating out, before I actually go out. At first, it didn't make sense but once the numbers added up, and I accumulated a decent saving, I find that I ask myself, "hmmm, would I find it more gratifying to see this savings grow, or spend the money on mediocre food that I can make better at home anyway?" a lot more. I'm telling you, seeing the numbers grow - and having a visual of what my whims would cost me - has really made me stop spending so much. It's so satisfying seeing my savings growing, and I think about better things I can spend the money on.

My DH would be the same. He’ll go to a cafe, restaurant, shop & spend double what I would on essentially the same thing. Doesn’t register how to work a menu or get a better deal. Then there’s his ridiculous tipping added on…

I'm so torn on this. You sound incompatible in your values, which is going to eat away at you.

I am a bit like your DH in that I like to spend money and resent budgeting. Especially on holiday. I don't see a pastry and fast food as particularly indulgent, and would rather have what I want one day and scrimp the next 4?

But I also save/invest fairy aggressively the rest of the time and would be extremely unimpressed if DP started lecturing me on how I spent my money 🤔

What is his solution if you run out of money?

Wow your comment is tone deaf. Micro managing money is boring but not a choice or done for fun. It’s life for a lot of people who often choose between heating and eating.

If I don’t that’s kind of your fault for being skimpy on the details and dodging questions.

I’m not assuming that but OP’s insistance makes me think it’s a bit repetitive, surely a book or a toy instead of 5 ice creams is a better deal? The child still has a summer holiday item to keep to remind them of a fun day.

Eh?

You didn’t answer even 1 of my many questions. You just wrote I have no idea and now eh?

But it was all of it in one day? Still has the ice creams when out too as difficult not to and feels awful saying no
If the weekly budget was say £200
and that includes food and petrol, £70 in one day is a lot

It has to be me, even though i’d love no responsibility. If it wasn’t me, we’d be in a right mess

"Tbf, sometimes one really fun day out is worth more than 5 days of you can only have an ice cream or a lolly."

Someone needs to dig out their copy of Swallows and Amazons.....