not invited to SIL Hen Party

[Sosleepy66]

Aibu to feel upset about not being invited to Hen Party? My DH's brother (my BIL) got married recently. DH was invited to the Stag Party. I had no problem with him going to his brother's stag. It was the same day as the Hen Do and both parties merged in the evening. My DH was the only person not with their partner in the evening. I was not invited to any part of the Hen Party. I only found out by chance the next day. I do not get along with BIL, or his now wife, so I never expected to be invited to the Hen Party, but everyone in the evening was a couple except my DH. Would it have been respectful to invite me? I wouldn't have gone anyway, so why do I feel hurt?

We all went to the wedding, which was a very small event (as we're not a big family) but it was so awkward and very unpleasant, even DH and MIL agree.

Would it have been respectful to invite me?

No, it would be mad considering you don't get along.

Why on earth would they?

I'm surprised you were invited to the wedding.

You don’t like the B&G, they don’t like you, you said you wouldn’t have gone to the hen anyway. So no, I have no idea why you’re so upset. Is your husband arsed about this? It was nice of you to not mind him going to his own brother’s stag do btw, very generous.

I disagree. It's supposed to be a happy occasion, no way would I invite someone who didn't like me or my future husband. OP wouldn't have even accepted the invitation so clearly wasn't bothered her DP was the only one not in a couple anyway.

around here future in laws are invited to hen parties. we had similar with my now brothers wife both me and sister not invited. we thought it was very strange so did alot of her friends. we have known her most of our lives too aswell so weren't strangers. when i got married a few years later I did not invite her at all. I did invite my now sister in laws. now my brother and his wife has children they have involved less and less of my family aswell. it hurts big time. but you learn to rise above it. different to you I actually liked her and got on with her but that has changed now over time and I keep my distance. you don't like her so I would suggest you rise above it and not give it a moment thought

You don’t like her. Why would she invite you to her hen? I actually have a similar situation coming up as BIL is getting married and there is absolutely no love lost between his partner and I. I’m really hoping that she DOESN’T invite me out of some sort of obligation and politeness - I won’t want to be there, she won’t want me there. What’s the point?

Unfortunately I invited her to mine so she may feel she should reciprocate…but that was 3 years ago before she showed her true colours

No, it wasn’t a family event in terms of inviting any of her future in laws. A hen fo is surely her last shout as a single woman, and thus emphatically NOT to do with the groom’s side of the family.
I realise things have drifted these days and inviting every woman you ever knew is common, but basically, a hen do is all about the bride, and not about her showing ‘respect’ to members of her beloved’s side.

I agree

Absolutely this! You didn’t want to go and wouldn’t have gone anyway. You risk making drama with your DH’s family for no reason when you should just let it go.

In-laws have always been at everyone I've been too-but then I've never known a bride have a problem with her SIL (at least before the wedding), and describe the wedding as awkward.
For your husband's sake, try to sort this out, if it's going to keep upsetting you. Talk it out with her.

But you don’t like your SiL!

And how was the wedding “awkward” unless you forgot your manners? You were at the wedding - it was your duty as a guest to behave graciously and wish the bride and groom well.

You and your DH can also “pick and choose” - your DH chooses to invite them every time. That’s his choice and doesn’t obligate them to do the same.

If you openly dislike them to the point their wedding was awkward they clearly only invited you to that for the sake of family peace, quite possibly for your MIL’s sake, so zero point in inviting you to other bits that neither you nor your SIL want to attend together.

You can't be pissy about something everyone knows you'd never have gone to anyway!

I was thinking YANBU to be upset until I saw you don’t get on with her or BIL. Well of course YABU.

I do not get along with BIL, or his now wife, so I never expected to be invited to the Hen Party

You've answered your own question. Of course she isn't going to invite someone who doesn't like her to her Hen Party. Who would?

YABU. You don't get along with his brother or his now wife yet you wonder why you were not invited to her hen???

And in the same breath you say the wedding was awkward, shouldn't that mean you're glad you were not invited to the hen and had to endure an awkward evening with people you don't like or get along with???

What am I missing here?

“Am I being unreasonable for not being invited to the hen do of someone I don’t get along with?” 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

Stop inviting them to stuff then! The high road is for mugs and doormats.

I wasn't invited to sil's hen party. I went to the wedding but my dd wasn't invited. Wish I hadn't gone either..
Twas a sign the whole lot of them were a bunch of twats.

I know it’s history now, but did your DH consider making his excuses and leaving the evening ‘merged gathering’ when he was the only one there without his DW?

YABU. You wouldn't have gone anyway!

I get on with my SIL and didn't invite her or my MIL to my hen party. They aren't my friends

But the BIL and SIL are happy to attend OP’s events and eat and drink so it seems weird that they suddenly remember they don’t get on with OP when it’s an event where they invite all other couples except OP.

You don’t like her, she clearly knows that. So YABU.

Any unreasonableness seems to be to have been to your DH, if he did not know beforehand that the stag and hen dos would meet at some point. So he could have been prepared for any questions as to why you were not there.

I see no value in sending an invitation to someone who you don't get on with, who probably would wish to decline it anyway.

Why are you upset? You don't LIKE them.