not invited to SIL Hen Party

[Sosleepy66]

Aibu to feel upset about not being invited to Hen Party? My DH's brother (my BIL) got married recently. DH was invited to the Stag Party. I had no problem with him going to his brother's stag. It was the same day as the Hen Do and both parties merged in the evening. My DH was the only person not with their partner in the evening. I was not invited to any part of the Hen Party. I only found out by chance the next day. I do not get along with BIL, or his now wife, so I never expected to be invited to the Hen Party, but everyone in the evening was a couple except my DH. Would it have been respectful to invite me? I wouldn't have gone anyway, so why do I feel hurt?

We all went to the wedding, which was a very small event (as we're not a big family) but it was so awkward and very unpleasant, even DH and MIL agree.

YANBU. Usually I’d say the bride doesn’t have to invite in laws but if everyone else was coupled up on the hen and stag do then it was very thoughtless not to include you.

How many hens were there? Was her soon to be MIL there?

You don’t like her so why are you bothered?

Why would you want to go to the hen do when you don’t like her or BIL 🥴
does your DH get on with his brother ?

You don’t like her, you wouldn’t have gone anyway - don’t give this any more head space.

No, I don't think any bride should feel obliged to invite anyone to her hen party who she doesn't know well, doesn't like or who doesn't like her.

It isn't a vehicle for you to socialise with your husband, it's an occasion for her nearest and dearest to celebrate her.

If you wouldn’t have gone, and don’t get along with them there’s no way you can use the word ‘respect’ without using the word ‘fake’.

They don’t like you in return and kept true to that. If you wouldn’t have gone then all you wanted was them to ask you, so that you could say no. Why would they give you an opportunity to do that.

If you wouldn’t have gone then your dh would have still been alone in any case so that point is also irrelevant. I’m not sure what you would like to have happened?

I don’t think it’s expected that you always invite in-laws? I know these things vary, but in my circle it’s very much the exception.

Most importantly - you don’t get along. Why on earth would she invite someone she doesn’t like, and who doesn’t like her, for an event that is supposed to be for people special to her?

I had no problem with him going to his brother's stag

How very magnanimous of you.

In my experience , hen dos are for friends of the bride, not family of the groom. I don't think it's unusual or insulting for you not to have been invited.

You don't like her - why on earth would you want to socialise with her? It's a batshit notion that people 'have to invite close family' in deference to the fact that lots of people just don't get on. You wouldn't have had a good time. Be serious.

You weren’t invited to a hen party of a woman you don’t like and, even if you HAD been invited, you wouldn’t have gone?? What exactly are you moaning about?

I didn’t invite either of my SILs to my hen. They’re not my mates, they’re married to my brothers. Would I be comfortable with hen do chat around them? Nope. We get along fine but they are not my friends.

You’ve said you don’t get along so I would have thought it was fairly fucking obvious as to why you weren’t invited.

You don't get along with BIL or his wife to be, why on earth would she invite you? Hen do is usually for friends and close family of the bride - you are neither!

sounds like you were a ray of sunshine at the wedding. The mind boggles as to why she didn’t want you at her hen

You dont get on. Why would they invite you?

My DH tolerates his brother, they are not friends. We always includes his brother & SIL in family occasions that we plan (DH says it's the right thing to do), yet BIL & SIL can pick and chose, DH and I have both been excluded from many events. True it was a relief I didn't have to go to the Hen Party, no love lost !! I suppose this wasn't a "family" event. Thanks for the replies

I pick and choose who I invite to any party I throw, why would I invite people I dislike who wouldn’t come anyway?! 🤷‍♀️

A hen do isn't a family party. If you don't have an individual relationship with the bride why would you be invited.

Consider yourself fortunate - hen parties are only outdone in being naff by gender reveal parties. Oh I forgot - baby showers are grim as well!

You feel hurt because you believe you are special, that they are the problem in the relationship and they should value you more than you value them......................odd way of thinking really.

But you don’t get on? Why would she invite you?

I think your husband needs to rethink things. He's including them and they're excluding you. What he's doing is working well for them but isn't good for you.

Yes YABU to be upset about not being invited

You answered it yourself, you don’t get along with the groom so why would you be invited 😂

Come on, OP, you dodged a bullet there!
You don't like this woman (and she probably doesn't like you).
You also had no intention of going.
I think you should just be pleased that you weren't put in the awkward position of having to refuse an invitation!
Now, unclench....