Whats the point of consent and asking permission if you get lied to

[MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe]

Whats the point of consent and permission ? friends meal and they cover the cost, they said here is x amount get what you want, so permission is asked what the limit is eg £20 and i can get whatever food / takeaway with it, the yes permission is given that i can buy what i want within the budget.

turns out a day or two after wards a sarcastic comment was made because i had 2 jacket potatoes with different toppings, so i said why is that an issue and it turns out that they still thought id get one instead of two ,

so i said i asked permission of what the budget was and i did ask what i could get then all i got was oh id still thought you would get 1 so i said why then say i can get x why not just say and be honest.

i guess this is more me moaning but why do people do this, say yes to x then they actually want you do to x instead its like why ?

before anyone asks we usually do a weekly meal out, and no they are fairly wealthy

but they should not say yes get what you want, because get what you want means just that,

Your inability to comprehend social cues is not then taking the piss... have you heard of etiquette?

Basic manners would mean 1 meal, not 2. Perhaps they assumed you had them, you have shown you lack understanding of etiquette.

true,

You are not entitled to their money. They are paying for your meal every week. You absolutely are taking the piss, selfish too.

It’s because most people expect other people to be able to read between the lines and to understand that ‘get what you want’ means ‘get any one meal you want’ and not ‘get as much food as you can within budget.’ They say ‘get what you want’ partly because it is the polite thing to say, it might seem rude to the other person if they put in strict rules so they say get what you want but within that they expect the other person to follow the social rules around not buying an excess of food and trying to keep their costs down. Usually the other person understands this so it doesn’t matter that they didn’t say exactly what it means.

Are you autistic? I am and have had to learn that people don’t usually say exactly what they mean, they say a socially agreed polite phrase and the other person understands how to act within that without either having to clarify. It’s like if somebody with a plate of biscuits said ‘help yourself, take as many as you want.’ They say that because when someone is being generous it looks rude to enforce rules on the recipient but actually if you took all the biscuits that would be rude and they’d be upset you didn’t leave any, the social rule is that even if someone says help yourself you don’t take them all and you leave some for the other person.

but then id say they should answer honestly rather than cryptically

They're "tight" when they're buying each week? 🤣

So tight they treat you to a meal every week!

Fair point. Are you “tight” op, since you never pay?

Are you reading the replies that say it was clear - choose what you want from the menu (1 meal) but no more than £20

are you German?

thank you for this, im a fan of the big bang theory and im like sheldon cooper at times, if people say oh do this or get that etc then it mean i have or can do x etc not that im ment to second guess everything they say

And here we go. The competitive, teeny-tiny under-eaters have arrived...

Can you talk it through with your friend? They already raised the subject so they're willing to discuss it, and it sounds like they didn't ask you to pay them back for the second potato but rather questioned your reasoning/actions, so I would guess they want to prevent problems/misunderstandings going forward. Why not tell them the truth, whatever that is - maybe you hadn't eaten in a long time and were terribly hungry and ordered the cheapest thing that would fill you up, and didn't think it would be a problem because 2x jacket potato was probably still cheaper than other things on the menu, including fish and chips?

This will also give you a chance to find out if your friend is resenting the arrangement where they always pay, and wanting to change it, or something else you might not have considered. It sounds like a complicated situation/relationship and you and your friend are probably the only people who can work it out, not anyone here.

Like you…who takes a free meal every week but never buys them one back!

I think people are being harsh to the OP. I do think that she is a literal thinker. I am not going to diagnose someone over the internet but she does appear to want explicit guidance and genuinely feels upset when she feels that she has stuck to it but still been told off.

And, as for one baked potato being a meal, it only is if you are on a diet. Obviously the topping will vary it, but a medium sized baked potato topped with cheese and broccoli is roughly 300 calories. That is a long long way from a meal out.

Ordering two meals is gready. It's om you this one.

Why don't you pay your iwn meals?

nein, i originally asked if i could get what i wanted and what i wanted was 2 jacket potatoes

Exactly. Why on Earth order two jacket potatoes for lunch?

It wasn't cryptic. You were rude asking how much they were spending on you and then even more rude to order two meals.

Why is everyone blaming autism? How insulting. Being an autistic adult doesn't make someone greedy.

You are clearly a person who can not accept there was clearly a misunderstanding and would prefer to slag off the friend who buys you a weekly meal

odd

Its 2 meals and its taking advantage. When someone says get what you want its under the assumption you will be reasonable. If you didnt unders before then now you do.

Do you pay attention to what people try to tell you?

Sounds tight.

However, also unaware of etiquette. So, now she is aware, will she repeat the 2 meals situation.

Out of curiousity, what did the others eat?