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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends mocking my engagement :(

407 replies

UpShitsCreek · Yesterday 12:45

My fiance proposed to me this week after 3 years together, just a day after our 3 year anniversary!

He had planned to propose in his home country when we visited a few months back but it was very busy seeing all this family (his mum is British before any comments about wanting a UK visa!).

We had a stressful time coming back and I had been prepping for a new job interview. He came home from work around 9, told me to put some shoes on as he wanted to show me something…

He drove me to a road and got out and said “this is the first place I ever said I loved you” and then proposed, with a gorgeous delicate ring!

I was on cloud 9, so happy. I always told him I didn’t like big proposals and I’d been embarrassed if someone saw, so this felt perfect and quite romantic.

Saw my best friends today. Both of them were saying how cheap it was, how it was thoughtless and that they’d be sick if they were proposed to in their pyjamas (like I was), and that he could have done something more romantic. They were laughing about it as well.

It’s made me really really sad. Aibu to think that the proposal was quite thoughtful… the first place he said “I love you” is quite sweet?

OP posts:
Trishthedish · Yesterday 14:04

BeanQuisine · Yesterday 13:48

Sounds OK to me. Probably best not to turn a proposal into an elaborate song and dance, in case of rejection.

One boyfriend proposed to me over a candlelit dinner at a very expensive restaurant. Luckily we'd reached the dessert stage, as my apologetic "no" rather put a damper on things.

He was despondent and no longer wanted his chocolate torte, so I ate it.

Can’t let chocolate torte go to waste 😂

TheGander · Yesterday 14:04

Your friends sound very materialistic and probably should spend less time on TikTok and Insta. Marriage is not an episode of Made in Chelsea or some other stupid show. It is for the log run, and often not all that glamorous.

fishfingergermanbight · Yesterday 14:04

They are not your friends! Congratulations to you and your nice fiancé.

Blueseudeshoes · Yesterday 14:05

they aren’t friends! How mean

congrats on your wonderful news✨🥂 my engagement ring was bought in a pawn shop in the middle of greece last minute, also on the smaller side as my husband felt he was missing the perfect time with our children to do it! I’ve since had a much more expensive one bought for me but my favourite will always always be my first ring. Its not about having something to show off, its the love behind it

Crushed23 · Yesterday 14:05

Haven’t RTFT, but my proposal went as follows:

Me: I fucking hate my fucking job.
DH: Why don’t you leave?
Me: I can’t, I’m on a motherfucking visa. If I leave my job I’ll be deported.
DH: Then let’s get married for fuck’s sake.
Me: Yeah okay.

Who said romance was dead? ☠️

JMSA · Yesterday 14:05

Aww, that’s horrible of them. Fuck ‘em.

Congratulations. Focus on your own happiness and your own life. Something is missing from theirs, for them to act like that.

QGMum · Yesterday 14:06

Congratulations on your engagement. Your fiancé sounds lovely while your friends sound horrid. These people are not really your friends.

BeKhakiReader · Yesterday 14:08

Sounds lovely to me. If you think your friends are worth it, I’d tell them they’ve upset you and give them chance to apologise.

Xiaoxiong · Yesterday 14:08

My DH proposed in the kitchen as I was making nachos wrapped in a bath towel!! Married for 16 years so far and going strong. Your proposal sounds absolutely wonderful to me and very romantic 🥰

Evaka · Yesterday 14:08

Wow, your friends are hideously basic. Congrats OP - that sounds like a gorgeous proposal x

bevm72yellow · Yesterday 14:09

These are not genuine friends. It doesnt matter how long you know them. Get rid and live a happy life. Ghost them and no wedding invites as you will have to prioritize who supports you and respects you.

BeaLola · Yesterday 14:09

Congratulations to you both.

Don’t listen to them - so many people are more interested in over the top “Instagramable” picture perfect proposals accompanied by tonnes of photos rather than the important moments eg you have the right partner and you are happy

MyNewestUsername · Yesterday 14:09

UpShitsCreek · Yesterday 12:51

I was so excited to tell them, we’ve been friends since we were in primary school!

my boyfriend asked what they said when I came back, all excited, so I said they said it was really sweet. Because I didn’t want him to be sad.

he is incredibly happy about it, and keeps pointing out the road where it happened “that’s where I said I love you for the first time and asked you to be my wife” 😭

This is adorable! Sounds like the perfect, meaningful proposal for you. Congratulations!!!

ThinKingCaps5 · Yesterday 14:10

I bet you'll both have a lovely, happy life together! He wanted to propose to you because he loves you, not because he wanted to have something to show off on Instagram. I feel sorry for your friends, they're either shallow or jealous. Congratulations!

NarnianQueen · Yesterday 14:14

They’re jealous bitches 😝
Congratulations on your engagement and lovely proposal! Don’t let them take the shine off it for you! I wouldn’t tell them another single thing about your relationship/ wedding planning etc. if they’re trying to ruin a proposal they will also happily slag off your choice of dress, flowers, cake, venue…

Mountainpika · Yesterday 14:15

My husband proposed to me when we were sitting on the sofa in my flat. No ring. No fuss. Nothing fancy. That was in 1971. We're still happily together. Yours was a lovely way to do it.

Asiana · Yesterday 14:16

Well my husband said in bed, not even after sex, 'so you really want to get married dontcha'. Were still in love & happily together decades later so... you can guess my opinion about this.

Frazzledinmyforties · Yesterday 14:16

@UpShitsCreek you have horrible friends! Seriously, nasty, bitchy people! The proposal was perfect for you, you’ll remember it with a smile in years to come.
Some of us don’t like everything to be a show. Do these “friends” also post their entire existence on social media?

LAMPS1 · Yesterday 14:16

So incredibly meaningful to him to have planned that and at the same time to know you so well that it wasn’t a performance, but a private and intimate moment between just the two of you to reflect his love for you.
Yes, and very romantic for you to know how considerate, thoughtful and sweet he is and how excited by it all….to have hit the right note and pleased you so well. What could be better.
Don’t let anything spoil that OP. You are right to be thrilled by it.

Your poor empty headed friends are a bit dumb to think that showy is important and means better.
I’d feel a bit sorry for them and would never care for their opinions on anything again. Trust your own values and judgement instead.
Congratulations to you both!

ScarlettSarah · Yesterday 14:17

There's some research to show that the bigger the wedding, the higher than chance of divorce. I rather wonder if it's similar with proposals - like if it's too insta-perfect. If you really love each other, you don't need all that.

Your friends don't have their priorities right. It's not about the dream proposal and the dream wedding. It's about who you can build and share a life with.

Wishing you and your fiancé a lifetime of happiness. Congratulations!

Imdunfer · Yesterday 14:18

Is anyone going to put their hands up to being one of the 19 people who thinks the OP is being unreasonable? 🤪🤪🤪

HumberSquid · Yesterday 14:18

DozyCrow · Yesterday 12:52

People who want big displays and Insta pictures are doing it for the wrong reasons. It's very romantic that your fiancé remembered where he first. Said he loved you and took you back there to propose. He'd also listened to you saying you didn't like big or public proposals, so kudos to him. Sounds like a keeper OP. Can't say the same about your so called friends though.

This.

ScallopShelled · Yesterday 14:19

Imdunfer · Yesterday 14:18

Is anyone going to put their hands up to being one of the 19 people who thinks the OP is being unreasonable? 🤪🤪🤪

Edited

She’s being unreasonable to care and to describe such ghastly, shallow people as ‘friends’?

Grapewrath · Yesterday 14:20

It sounds perfect. How thoughtful of your lovely fiancé ❤️
You need to find some new friends, they sound very jealous of you

Franklinlove · Yesterday 14:21

ScallopShelled · Yesterday 14:19

She’s being unreasonable to care and to describe such ghastly, shallow people as ‘friends’?

And doesn’t say much about her judgement in people…. So makes me wonder how amazing this DP is!

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