AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

[UnhealthierWhy]

This is not our problem ???

We are on holiday currently with our 2 dc (2 and 4) (Disney Paris) due back home on Wednesday. Dh has 2 older dc from previous marriage (6 and 8).

He gave his ex money for holiday childcare which she ‘forgot’ to book the first week so I had to look after dc which was fine as dh had work. Next week her mum was going to have the dc but is now unwell. She is telling dh he needs to come home early to have the dc as she can’t take the time off.

She is constantly messaging and calling and we are considering just turning our phones off if she continues pestering us this way.

This seems to be a regular thing with her not arranging childcare and then expecting us to rescue the situation which we try to accomodate if we can but this is the first time we’ve said no.

I’m also really surprised they didn’t take them. 6-8 is prime theme park age, much more so than the younger years. Kids sat at home whilst daddy plays happy families with his next family.

Why do these men do this!? Not every new girlfriend needs to be impregnated.

But they’re not all being treated the same overall.

We’re taking our DC away next week without the SC (or my own elder DC if that helps) and I feel zero guilt over that. Especially when we’ve already taken them away this summer and they’re currently on an all inclusive trip with their mum in Greece.

If we were to take them on every trip, well we probably couldn’t afford to so we wouldn’t go - so why should they be entitled to more holidays or trips away than our other DC? Because they were born first?

There's been some shocking Mumsnet bullies about this weekend! You are sound like the DHs ex! They took his kids to Disney previously and are taking them on holiday later this month! People like you must be hideous to have as ex's because of how horribly demanding you are! There isn't a law that says they always have to take all the kids together! Do you have any concept of cost? Do you think it's free and easy to come home early in the 6 weeks holidays???

But surely if the parent who decided to have additional kids, can’t afford to take their children on holiday then the holidays should be planned accordingly. Your use of “why should they be entitled to more holidays because they were born first” sounds like resentment. Maybe being a decent parent with morals and integrity is the more important point and not how many holidays the children have.

Why make such silly assumptions? It makes you sound unhinged! She's pissed off because there's an ex trying to ruin things! But people like you also don't care an inch about the OPs kids, you just support the ex because your mentality is obviously the same!

There will be holiday clubs she can book.

Not resentment at all. I don’t care if they go on 10 holidays with their mum, good luck to them!

I still don’t feel like they have to be with us on every single trip. And as I’ve said, the same for my own DC.

The bullying on Mumsnet over the weekend has been shocking! People inventing nasty versions of events so they can attack an OP with stupid accusations! The OP does not have to be permanently clamped to her step kids and these bullies seem to behave like th OPs kids don't exist or matter! Have the bullies ever paid for anything themselves or have any concept of money? Because you all talk like it's costs nothing to take 4 kids to Disneyland? You all talk like it's free and easy to just abandon a holiday and come home earlier in the school holidays! Do your research on how much these things cost!
What if they have bought all sorts of park tickets that cost a lot of money and was something the OPs kids were looking forward to! It's not so easy to just abandon a holiday like that!

Wow some people responses are crazy! I completly understand OP is coming from. How many times do you have to pick up someone else slack before you have had enough? I’d say call the kids mum back explain you are away on holiday having family time unless there is an emergency please do not call! Set boundary’s as this will become more and more harrowing with age. Yes you take on a package and accommodate when you can but this is silly!

You forget, OP, that once a woman becomes a stepmother she is absolutely not allowed to ever enjoy anything ever again unless the stepchild are 1000% catered for in every way.

The real mother is always right, must always have everything their way and is generally assumed to be a saint.

The father is often assigned a supporting actor role in the imagined dramas dreamed up by the AIBU ghouls.

Don’t forget @AlphaApple they must also sit and wait at home, no takeaways, no days out, no fun as to do without the stepdc is harm personified!

There seems to be so much bitterness and viciousness on here. The children should be treated equally. Crazy exes, wicked stepmothers, lazy fathers! Dont fall into the them stereotypes and just put the kids first, if you have kids with someone who already has them any decent parent doesn’t consider them different, booking a holiday? yep that’s 6. Having a day out? yes 6 of us again. Of course they’ll be diary clashes but they should always be included!

they should always be included

"Should"? Was this chisled in stone by Moses? Please tell us what else we should all be doing, or perhaps point us in the direction of these guidelines.

And you must never, NEVER, do anything fun whatsoever when it’s not your weekend with the stepchildren, because they are missing out.

That means that the DSC never get focused time away with their DF. How is this better than a mix of trips where everyone’s needs are always compromised?
Unless you meant that DSC should still get time with Dad, it’s just OPs DC who aren’t allowed…?
My DH has been on short trips with our 7 year old and his 14 year old this summer - they all had a fab time, different ages and interests catered for etc. Our 3 year old was not in attendance, he was having a lovely time having his mummy to himself.
Your moral charge for “equality means the exact same all the time” would have ruined all the kids summers 🫠

Stick to your guns the answer is no ... the cheek of her .
No you are not leaving your holiday early she needs talking too and telling if this happens again she won't even get the money for childcare.
She just doesn't want to look after her children .

Agreed .. pathetic answer obviously bitter.

The horrible answers towards the poster regarding why older kids aren't on holiday .. that she is the OW bad stepmother...
GROW UP BITTER WOMEN
The older kids had a Disney holiday last year they give money for childcare which wasn't used.. they're taking all kids away later on in year I can't stand the way people judge before they know answers .
And yes she is and entitled to a holiday with HER own children just the 4 of them .. op enjoy your holiday with your kids the ex sounds like a pain in the arse and needs to sort herself out good on you for saying no its a full sentence.
Her ringing you constantly says it all she doesn't like the word no she got to used to yes think about that one and change accordingly x

You had too many kids then.

I don’t have step children. I am referring to step children within my family group. Some where the parent is my relative and some where the step parent is my relative. All treated like fully fledged members of the family unit and taken on holiday with their siblings.

This is untrue, I'd say a father who has kids from more than 1 relationship needs to making fair choices and with a small age gap this choice doesn't seem fair. A man who can go to Disney and leave his 6 and 8 yr old at home is not a man I'd want in my life.

FFS ... he took his older 2 for their own trip to Disneyland so they could do what they wanted to do without the younger ones. This is the 'reverse' trip.

Read.The.OP's.Posts.

I have already mentioned on here but adding again: I am one of four, no step siblings and my parents regularly split us up for things to suit different ages or even interests. It was totally normal and actually lots of their friends did it.

It was mostly mini breaks but did include a couple of bigger holidays. None of us had any lasting resentment or complex of being left out of family.

So the second family kids don’t go on holiday at all because taking them all is unaffordable ? Why does this not also apply to mum and her current partner ? She may not be related to OP’s kids herself but they are half siblings to her own children. The older two had a holiday in Spain with their mum and her partner - why were the younger two not invited along ? Surely the principle is the same if we’re talking about fairness.

Her responsibility if she forgot to sort childcare but bet those kids are sad they didnt get to go disneyland with dad and siblings.