AIBU to leave for the day and not lend the family car

[Sally221]

I will try and keep this brief.

Have suffered years of emotional abuse from H.
He has a huge family and whenever they have visited over the years we have always hosted. One because PIL house, although huge is a tip and two because BIL point blank refuses to host.
It has got to the point in our relationship that we both know it's over and need to sort out the divorce.

He informed me that a family member and their children are visiting briefly today, just for a few hours. I told him that I will go to my mums for the day as I'm sick of hosting and also sick of pretending we are a happy family. PIL will also be here and we don't get on.

My DD has had problems with her car that I have been asking H to sort out. The a/c doesn't work and H has been putting off getting it fixed. Said it is quite expensive although he has money to spend on the pub!

I spent the whole day yesterday cleaning, he rolls home late, obviously been to the pub for a fair few hours. He then says are you taking DD car when you go to your mums? Apparently he has agreed to drop family member and children to a local attraction after their visit. About 40 mins away. My mum lives an hour away. I said but DD doesn't have A/c had a few cross words.

Anyway my DS thinks I should take DD car and leave bigger family car with H. FIL very wealthy and could afford an uber to take family member.
I don't want to cause friction with DS though.

I would appreciate your thoughts, thank you.

Yes, take your car.

What age are your children? What's stopping you leaving?

No, take your car!

Yeah and paying for it. Why would it be her dads responsibility

Not relevant really but I don't even have AC and managed holiday in Cornwall and home to Midlands without issues..open windows do work.

If there are only four to travel to the attraction, then they can go in the small car - and bountiful Daddy can top it up with fuel to make himself look good. Despite the situation, you’ve cleaned the house at short notice - and understandably don’t want to have to tolerate the visit. Take the family car - it’s not up to your DS. Your husband did not check with you about offering a lift (40 mins away!) - he can deal with the consequences.

Everyone including op is calling this her car, but my understanding is that this is the family car. Which is it op?

Take your car!
Do not lend him your car, take your own damn car.

He said hed sort it. He hasn't.

He has offered these people a lift, you haven't.

You didn't invite them, you didn't offer a lift. You don't owe any of them anything.

You think if it overheats while you're driving it he's going to do a damn thing to help you? No.

Thank you. You're right and the fact he only told me last night too.
Ive checked and an Uber will cost £35 to take them to the attraction.
He can get them an uber or take them in DD car.
Ive been made to feel uncomfortable to actually have to leave my house so they can put in a happy family front. BiL and SIL have a car each (big ones) they can sort it between them.
Just to make a point, DD is a student, yes she should sort it out but he is all Daddy will do it for you baby. So I left him to it.

Thanks for all the positive replies

It has got to the point in our relationship that we both know it's over and need to sort out the divorce.

But your head is not there yet. You are not in the right frame of mind; you don't yet see yourself as truly single and separated.

You should not be cleaning the house for his guests.

Whose is the larger car? Not just whose name is it registered in, but who pays for it?
If the larger car is actually his, or is 'both' of yours, i.e. taxed and insured out of a joint account, then you need to get another car just for yourself ASAP.

Don't get involved between your adult DD and your soon-to-be ExH. They are both adults. It is not your place to concern yourself over how her car gets fixed.

I would say let him have the larger car this time because you don't want to come across as petty and vindictive this early in the divorce process. Store up goodwill, to hopefully avoid the worst of the nastiness to come. Divorce brings out the worst in people.

Thank you.

I understand what you are saying but I have been bullied by him and his family for 25 years.

Not happening anymore, I'm taking our car.

Believe me if I could just walk away and leave him everything I would. If the divorce gets nasty it gets nasty. I only want what I'm entitled to.

Why on earth did you clean the house for guests that you don’t even want to host? Oh and take your car, especially as your daughter’s car has been playing up.
Your husband sounds like a dick. Divorce him asap.

Currently 29° in Lincolnshire.

My friend is in Lincoln and it's 24?

It's 27 here at the moment. It's not just about the AC, her car is unreliable, it's small, and a manual. Mine has AC and is an automatic. I have to drive on the motorway and I don't want to get stranded.
leaving now in our car, will sit in my mums garden, eating cake and planning my exit.

I would also take the family car. You’re already having to leave the house rather than relax, take the family car and don’t give it another thought.

That sounds like it's needed, if his brother has a large car they can use that, you can't stay with someone who makes you this unhappy

I would think “well I didn’t invite them and no one asked me, so they can sort themselves out “.
im on my partners team but hes on mine so i think the expectation that you will help make his life easier ends when the relationship does 🤷‍♀️ if you are headed for divorce I say go ahead and start putting yourself first