AIBU to see my GP about obsessive fear of my child becoming seriously ill?

[WelliesAndWaffles]

I’m posting because I feel a bit embarrassed about this, but it’s been affecting me for years and I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been through something similar.
For a long time I’ve had an intense fear of my DS (7) developing DIPG (brain stem tumour with a 0% chance of survival).
It started after I read stories from parents whose children had been diagnosed, and ever since then I seem unable to let the fear go.

Whenever my DS does something that could remotely fit with a symptom I’ve read about, my mind immediately jumps to DIPG.
Recently he laughed in his sleep, which I know can be completely normal, but after reading accounts from some parents of children with DIPG/DMG mentioning sleep laughing or restless sleep shortly before diagnosis or other symptoms show up, I’ve become extremely distressed by it.

The thing is, my son is otherwise completely well. He’s doing fine at school, running around, climbing, riding his bike, drawing, kicking a football about, and had a normal eye test a few weeks ago. There are no obvious neurological symptoms. I keep reading that this type of tumour comes on ‘suddenly’ with ‘very little warning’.

Despite that, I keep finding myself searching, reading stories, comparing him to children who were diagnosed and convincing myself I’ve missed something. I’ve been in tears over it today.

What makes me think this might be more about me than about my DS is that this fear has been with me for years. It seems to go quiet for a while and then something triggers it again and I’m back down the rabbit hole.
I’m starting to wonder whether I should speak to my GP, not because I think my son has DIPG, but because the fear of it is taking up so much space in my head.

Has anyone else become fixated on a particular illness affecting their child? Did you seek help for it, and did it make a difference?

It’s health anxiety by proxy -
an amplification of normal
parental anxiety about their children’s health and wellbeing
seek therapy for it - it is not an unusual disorder but it is highly stressful so well worth speaking to your GP about and looking at therapy treatment options

Absolutely go to the Dr's. They can give anxiety medication, and also potentially refer you to a counsellor to discuss your fears and give you techniques for when it arises.
You don't want to live this way so try and get it sorted now.

Unless there's a genetic component that's relevant (and he has relatives who had it) or something that you've not mentioned, the chances of him developing one specific type of illness is very, very small and it's clearly occupying a huge amount of your brain space that's outside of the norm of 'worrying generally about your children'.

Go speak to the GP. There are different medications and talking therapy options for obsessive thoughts and anxiety that will make the world of difference so you can feel less stressed about it and also be more present with your son rather than watching him like a hawk for symptoms, cos that sounds exhausting.

If you can afford it, you could get CBT, which is what your GP is likely to recommend, only with a very long waiting list

Your poor love, that kind of consuming anxiety is really hard to deal with. Absolutely see your GP as it will continue to narrow your world and drain away precious time you want to spend enjoying his childhood.

you can self refer or go via GP for NHS Talking Therapies; CBT for health anxiety by proxy.

Yes you too dont put your issues on to him

I think you recognise that this is an irrational fear.

it is hard to shake, I know from experience - I convinced myself that my children would develop schizophrenia due to a family risk. Turns out it was nothing to worry about. They are adults and they’re fine.

Anxiety is insidious and pernicious. It can eat away at you. It finds a weakness and goes for it full throttle.

You will have read the stats and know how (extremely) unlikely the risk is but anxiety has found its vulnerability and it’s not letting go.

Counselling can help, it did with me.

I wish you well. I know how hard it can be when your mind is working against you and robbing you of a free and normal life.

i’d be off to hypnosis to find out why i kept thinking this.

perhaps you had a previous life and it happened in that and your soul is still traumatised.

NOOOOOO !!!!!

@Elieza
My fear is that it’s going to happen eventually and that’s why I’m so fixated on it. Like my brain is ‘preparing’ me or something. I just know I hate this.

My child has a low grade brain tumour. Obviously that's very different from the absolute monster that is dipg (which I know a lot about from the brain tumour community).

Worrying about DIPG is like worrying that your child will be struck by lightning or run over crossing the road. It's random, brutal and frankly very little you can do to control the risk, and if it happens, nothing you can do to alter the outcome.

The more you Google it the more the algorithms will show you it. If you it's something on Facebook about a kid with it, it'll dominate your thread and then your mind. Early on with my daughter that's what happened with my FB, and it just amplified my stress.

Fill your algorithms with positive unrelated things, see a doctor if the anxiety doesn't abate, and consign it to the bin of 'horrific things that could happen but are very unlikely to'.

Living in fight or flight mode is exhausting and feeling like I have no control over anything.

@Somuchgoo
Sorry to hear of your daughter’s diagnosis.

I totally understand that and I am trying to not read related stuff because of the algorithm. But once something is in my brain I can’t forget about it. So for example I read about talking in their sleep being an early symptom a long time ago now, then because it happened early this morning, I suddenly remembered it and my stomach dropped , I’m always so hyper-vigilant, particularly about this condition.

It sounds like you have health anxiety and / or compulsive thoughts. I’ve had it and it became all consuming. I’ve had anxiety medication and CBT. Please see a doctor and don’t be embarrassed. It’s your brain playing tricks on you because you care so much, but you’re worrying and catastrophising us out of hand. Xx

yup. You're vigilant because you’re convinced it’s in the future - when it’s likely from the past instead.

so hypnosis can show you that you went through it before and it’s over, it was a different life, so there is no need to fear it in this life, it’s already happened and youre in a different life now. And it’ll help you leave this fear behind.

Yes you absolutely need to speak to your GP about this and be honest about how obsessive and upsetting it is and the effect on your daily life. Be honest and don't downplay it. It sounds like you're in need of some serious psychological support. It's possible that the intrusive thoughts are a symptom of OCD. Please don't feel embarrassed to discuss this with your doctor, health anxiety is very common and your doctor will be familiar with the symptoms you're experiencing.

I used to talk in my sleep when a child. Mum reckoned she could have conversations with me. I'm now 79.
Our older son laughed in his sleep occasionally when he was small. He's now 51 and
has a daughter of 18 and a son of 14.
Some one mentioned hypnosis above. It works extremely well for me - but it has to be the right sort of hypnotherapy with someone fully qualified. I see a solution focused hypnotherapist who helped me three years ago to deal with my fears going out after having a bad fall. I still see him from time to time when I have worries or anxieties which are affecting my life. It's all very calm and relaxed - and nothing like the silly type of 'hypnotism' used as entertainment. It's very positive, safe and very effective.
Ask for help. Good luck! x

So every one worries about this type of stuff. Like I read about a teenage boy that died in the sea from a current - even though he was able to stand in the water. Or the kids who just drop dead from a heart thing doing sports!

But yours is amplified and it’s taking over your life so that’s what makes it not normal anymore.

The key things is that you are fixated on it and it’s impacting your daily life. So you should absolutely share that with your GP.

Thanks for the replies. I will share with my GP, I just feel so hyper fixated on it, it’s taking over my life,

Absolutely speak to your GP.

I had obsessive and intrusive thoughts about my children becoming seriously ill (made worse because of my background as a paeds nurse)
i was living in a heightened state of anxiety and that constant noise in my head was exhausting and I had little room for much else. It made me miserable.
definitely seek help! You’ll not regret it, I wish I’d done it sooner. With the right help I don’t often have those thoughts and if I do I don’t catastrophize as much and I’m able to think more rationally.