AIBU to want one lie-in on my husband's days off?

[Ano4829172278]

is it unreasonable to want one long lie on husbands days off? He works really long hours sometimes 16hrs a day and he has both long lies till noon, I’ve asked his second day off to have a long like would be till 9am max as my body doesn’t sleep longer but he said I can have a day time nap instead, when having a nap during day just makes me more tired the next day as don’t sleep till later, baby wakes 2/3 a night still and we co sleep so I get some sort of sleep, I get he works hard but feel like I’m running on empty as I do every early morning and all the night wakings and feeds

Is there any way he can reduce his hours?

You need a break, you can’t keep going without rest.

But 16 hour days are brutal, that is an incredibly long time to spend at work. I am not surprised he needs a rest. Why is he working such long hours, is it something you’ve talked about and either you or he want to change?

It sounds unsustainable as you both need rest. Can he change jobs?

@99bottlesofkombucha @BudgetBuster @Pinkissmart

The OP stated her husband works really long hours, sometimes 16 hours a day. He obviously then isn’t getting much sleep by the time he gets home and actually gets to sleep. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to want to have a lie in on his two days off.

If it was a woman working very long hours and her husband was at home, would it be acceptable for her to lie in on her days off?

It seems to me that a man can never have “more” than a women these days. How dare this man have more sleep on his two days off. He probably needs it to function properly when he’s at work. Mothers (as it’s mainly women) have managed throughout history when life was a lot harder but now it’s “unfair.”

It's always been unfair. A man or woman shouldn't have to fall on their knees from exhaustion. Just because historically women have just got on with it doesn't mean everyone has to just settle for that crap.

Yes he's working. Isn't he fantastic. She could be out working too if she wasn't looking after the kids. Personally I find it alot less exhausting being out at work all day than being at home with kids.

My DH is currently on bed, I've been up 3 hours with our kids. However, last week I had a really tough week with the kids and told him i needed a rest. He got the toddler up, dressed, fed and out the door to softplay for a few hours so I could have a quieter morning with the baby only. It's called parenting and having respect for your partner. It needs to work both ways.

Some women on here always dismiss what the man is doing!! Yes, he is working very long hours. The OP isn’t out at work. If she goes back to work, then they should each get a lie in. Looking after a baby (with all the mod cons people have now) isn’t making women “fall on their knees” from exhaustion. People wouldn’t have more children if it was. Being a mother is tiring and working very long hours is tiring. The one working has to be professional and needs sleep to do his job properly. The SAHP can stay in their nightwear all day and not even have to go out the house if they’re feeling exhausted. It is different.

One of the best things you experience in a relationship is your partner's compassion. If you're running on empty, a caring and compassionate person says - 'I'll manage the children this morning and you have a lie in.'
In no universe is that unreasonable.

If you suffer from poor sleeping patterns, he can wake up earlier on his 2nd day off, then go back for that afternoon nap. That's love and compassion, not totting his working hours against yours and deciding he doesn't need to help you with such a reasonable request.

You never want to see the person you love struggling with something you can easily help with.

You know what.. I actually pity people like you who think that their partner doesn't deserve a few hours rest.

Maybe the men shouldn't have children.

Also... you keep referring to the OP as a SAHP. I'm glad you got that secret insight.

@6ate9 what is wrong with you??

Just because I don’t agree with you, there has to be something wrong!!!

The OP’s husband is out at work for over 16 hours at times. He is pulling his weight.

The OP chose to have a baby with her husband. They both have to work in different ways. But nowadays so many women think everything is unfair. I DON’T THINK IT IS UNFAIR FOR THE PARENT WHO IS WORKING VERY LONG HOURS TO HAVE TWO LIE INS A WEEK.

@BudgetBuster I’ve already stated that if OP goes back to work (we don’t know if she’s on maternity leave.) they should both get a lie in.

OP, what age are your DC? If they’re little, they will almost certainly want you to get up with them, fair or not.

He’s not having a lie in, he’s working shifts!

OP has explicitly said on ONE of his days off. He works 5 days, has 2 days off. So the first day off he'd lie in (as he's going to bed later after getting off work). The next day it's fair that OP gets a rest if she feels.she needs it.

She may as well be a single parent and just claim CMS from him if he can't give her a few hours a week to catch up on sleep.

Has anyone actually worked 16 hour shifts? If they have, you will know how exhausting it is. Sleep is a necessity if you’re working such long hours. Why is it considered awful that he has lie ins on his days off? If it was the other way around, I would think it was unacceptable if the man didn’t let the woman have lie ins.

It’s the sheer number of hours he works that is making me say all this.

It's not unreasonable for him to have a lie in. But when you are a parent your needs come second. If your partner (irrespective of gender) says they are struggling and need ONE break... you bloody give it to them. It's basic respect for the person you apparently love.

I have. I also used to come home, have a small nap, do the school run before going to bed; then be ready to pick child up from school again. Trust me - shortening or rearranging one nap per week will not break him; but sleep deprivation will break his wife.
And that benefits no-one.

I see if differently. The one working needs to keep his job. From reading OP’s first post, I got the impression they have one baby. I obviously don’t know, but she hasn’t mentioned any other children.

If I was at home and my husband/partner worked really long hours, I wouldn’t begrudge him having two lie ins a week because I would love him and care about his wellbeing. I wouldn’t think he was being selfish.

I’ve said it earlier, it’s the number of hours he’s working.

He isn't going to lose his job for getting up early ONE morning. He can go have a nap later if he needs it.

Obviously the OP loves her husband... it just doesn't seem to be reciprocated.

If he hasn't an issue with working the number of hours he does and therefore can't parent alongside that on his days off... thats an issue for him to sort out isn't it?

I wonder if any of this was discussed before they decided to have a child?

It really shouldn't need to be discussed that he would be an equal parent on his days off.... should it?

We don’t know what job the husband has? He might be in the medical profession which would rely on him having decent sleep. We just don’t know.

We don’t know if he’s getting less sleep than OP on his working days? When he’s working 16 hour shifts, we don’t know how long it takes for him to get home, unwind and fall asleep.

We don't know how long she's getting either.
We do know that she's tired and wants ONE lie in.

But she isn’t having to go out to work. It isn’t the same when you know you don’t have the pressure to perform well at work. Looking after a baby is easier in that sense. You can plan each day how you like. You can sit down on the settee and rest while feeding the baby.

Ah come off it.
You have got to be a troll