WWYD HELP! Move near work or hometown support as a single parent?

[BigPurpleDog]

I am about to be a single parent of two under 3. Dad unlikely to be on the scene. I will need to work, probably 2 days a week in the office of the nearest city and the rest from home. I am preparing to move.

My options are:

1. Move to the city or close to it. Pros: commute of under 1hr so I would be able to use paid childcare 8-6 whenever needed, probably easier to progress in career. Cons: absolutely no support network, house prices are higher, schools are variable, don’t really want to raise DC in the city.
2. Move to my hometown. Pros: I grew up here, there’s good schools, I have friends here with similar aged kids and my (currently still working FT, not particularly well off or healthy) mother who wants to help with childcare. Cons: 1.5-2hr commute to city so would need to be away from my kids 7-7 two days a week

I am leaning to option 2 but I’m not sure the commute will be doable long term, and I’m very unlikely to find something suitable in the local area. I don’t want to have to move again for cost reasons as well as disruption for the kids.

WWYD?

YABU: move to the city or close to it
YANBU: move to your hometown

Yeah, I’m sure. He may end up moving closer to hometown but he doesn’t want to see them midweek. He may also move to the other end of the country (to his family).

I don’t have your scenario exactly but I chose to change jobs so my commute was shorter. For a short period of time after my maternity leave I had to return to my former place of work but I realised while pregnant that I couldn’t manage the commute and be a single parent. I took a step down when I changed jobs but within a year was back to a similar level with only slightly less salary. I was much happier for it so I would recommend moving closer to your mum but start looking for other job opportunities even if it can’t happen immediately.

Hello I've been in exactly the same position. I have a 2 year old. When I was pregnant my partner left and I lost my job in the city. I owned a house in the city and my family live 2 hours away. I moved in with them and rented out my house to cover the bills and was looking for jobs. A lot of them were 2 to 3 days in the office but I had a young baby so I was considering whether to move back to my house but then you have the childcare issue as you described. I found a remote contract with a company a bit closer in the end but I still had to go into the city from time to time and to the office once a week - generally I was travelling in once or twice a week and sometimes abroad, in which case my parents looked after my child.

In your position I'd lean towards option 2 as well and it's what I've done. I found that doable and better overall. As long as your mum doesn't mind helping out on those days I think that's preferable. Single parents need their support networks like you do at home.

I'm selling my city place and buying near my parents now. I think the rural location and the fact we know so many people is better for my child, plus I've actually got a new partner now. I do think it limits me a bit in job options but what I've thought is I can go back to commuting when my child is older if I need to.

Once they’re at school and my mum is retired, it should be less stressful for the children as she’d still be happy to do the two days, but around school. She’d be taking them to and from my house to nursery/school, not her house, and of course I’d prep food etc. We should be walking distance to schools; nursery would be a ten minute drive. She’d be able to cover some holidays too so they wouldn’t need to be in so many holiday clubs. She would relish it but I just wonder how her health will hold up.

On my WFH days I would only need to use childcare 8.30-5.30, and I currently do four days a week, which I’d love to continue if finances allow.

Another thing that might be worth considering op is meeting with a careers coach. I met with one because the line of work I was in required 3 nights a week until 11pm and I knew it wouldn't be sustainable long term. That helped me figure out a good sideways move into an associated sector and now I do my travel within my working hours which I negotiated upon being offered the job as well as the salary. I did the 3 nights which was less than ideal for about a year and a half until something more suitable came up locally. It would have been easier if I'd stayed in the larger city I worked in before but prices would have been higher, I'd have been skinter and I'd have had absolutely zero downtime which is really really important. So I'd still go option 2, you can do the commute for a while and at the same time keep looking for something more suitable locally. What type of sector do you work in at the minute without being too outing?