AIBU to be upset he forgot the holiday payment then shouted at me for paying it?

[MarilynSays]

Can I get some perspective on a situation as I'm feeling a bit shocked.
Family holiday booked, think UK based and cost approx £500 for accommodation. Travel and food still would need paying for at the time of the holiday for family of 4.
Reason I am feeling shocked is that we paid the deposit (myself and DH) months ago, and at that time he said "don't worry, I will pay the rest". I politely and in a nice tone reminded him earlier this week to pay, and he just said "oh", like he'd forgotten. Reminded again two days ago, and he barely responded. So yesterday I paid the balance (due date or we would lose our booking) and told him I did feel irritated as he'd said he was going to pay it. He got very cross and shouted "well thanks for making me feel like the bad guy and a complete c*nt!!" I was so shocked as we've been together for a long time think 15 years, and have barely argued about things like this!
I've woken up this morning, he's gone to work, but I'm thinking I will ask him to cover all food and transport as that will be around the same cost that I covered yesterday. It's not really about the money though, I am annoyed he couldn't shoulder the responsibility for paying the final balance, leaving it to me, then shouting at me when I dared say I was upset about it? Am I being unreasonable? We have a joint account and he does earn more than me and contribute more usually without me ever needing to ask, which is why last night shocked me so much. Not sure if I am acting like a spoiled princess. For context I work part time and look after/arrange childcare when I work for our two DC.

Or you could look at it as OP gets a holiday with her children!

Sounds like you have a man child on your hands. The fact you had to remind him multiple times and he still forgot 😑 He's a grown ass man, he needs to take some responsibility and be proactive, not need regular reminders like a child. He owes you an apology and then he needs to step up.

I m confused but you don’t have access to his credit card to get it and pay? I assume you both agreed to go there and the total cost was fine for your family.

You have joint accounts so you just wanted him to take responsibility for paying the balance?

You are married with children and have separate bank accounts. I know lots of people do it but I find it bizarre. Costs like these are so much easier from a joint account you either jointly pay into each month or you jointly withdraw a monthly allowance from. Otherwise if one person overspends can end up with a situation like this. A situation that as you are married you are jointly responsible for.

Obvs he hasn't got the money to have paid for it!

I’d be totally shocked too. It would be very strange for it to come out of the blue.

I can't get my mind around this; you are married and have two dc, joint account but you pay 50/50 towards bills even though he earns more? And you are responsible for child care? It sounds really weird to me and completely unfair.

If it's genuinely a one off, maybe he was just feeling bad that he forgot, so he lashed out.

Tell him it's no big deal, he can just transfer you the money. You were just making sure you didn't lose the booking!

Surely he's going to immediately transfer the £500 into your account??? Not sure why you are hoping that he'll cover other holiday costs. It could work out really uneven. You shouldn't have to ask him, he should just be quietly transfering it and letting you know when it's done.

He was completely out of order and I hope he apologies to you.

He's out of order. Shouting is a no for me, only in extreme cases. I thinkthere must be underlying issues here, obviously very stressed. Its never easy having these conversations but you need to talk. Good luck x

"well thanks for making me feel like the bad guy and a complete c*nt!!" I'd say you're welcome next time you don't want to feel like that don't be a bad guy and don't be a complete cunt.

I agree - keep digging OP

Of course not. It’s a shame you need to ask.

Tell him you just paid it because it was due and you didn't want to loose the booking and he's welcome to pay you back. Was he actually there when you paid it? If so perhaps you should have said you were doing it, if he wasn't around you have to just do things sometimes.

As other's have said is he short of money for some reason, debt you don't know about? Or was he just offended that you paid when he said he would?

What's all this "paying back"? If you're a married couple with children, you've surely got shared finances? It sounds as if you're financially disadvantaged here.
Oh, and I agree with pp who are thinking that he doesn't want to go on the holiday.

If you paid it out of your joint account I can't see the issue he has with that.

I think you need to reassess you view of yourself as being no pushover @MarilynSays

because the facts indicate that you very much are being walked all over.

As an aside, I don’t think he wanted to go on the holiday so used this as a ruse.

Personally I don't see that you did anything wrong and even if you did it doesn't justify his response.. He owes you an apology.

Good luck

I've suffered 'actual' domestic abuse, and @Curleywoois spot on.

You've conveniently ignored the massive problem of this man earning more than the OP yet happily contributing only 50% of the family expenses.

This is financial abuse. If by 'actual' abuse you mean bruises, broken noses, etc, than I suggest you educate yourself on all the many ways domestic abuse works.

Hint - financial abuse is 'actual abuse'.

@MarilynSays this sounds rotten. How’s things now? Surely this holiday is going to be awful for you and the kids?

Update - he has apologized and is going to pay for all transport and food, and has booked me to have a spa day as well. Work has stressed him out but he has apologized. Thanks for all your advice though, it was a shock as we never usually argue over money stuff?

Well no you don’t argue about the money because you are in the massively inferior position and don’t want to rock the boat