AIBU to be upset he forgot the holiday payment then shouted at me for paying it?

[MarilynSays]

Can I get some perspective on a situation as I'm feeling a bit shocked.
Family holiday booked, think UK based and cost approx £500 for accommodation. Travel and food still would need paying for at the time of the holiday for family of 4.
Reason I am feeling shocked is that we paid the deposit (myself and DH) months ago, and at that time he said "don't worry, I will pay the rest". I politely and in a nice tone reminded him earlier this week to pay, and he just said "oh", like he'd forgotten. Reminded again two days ago, and he barely responded. So yesterday I paid the balance (due date or we would lose our booking) and told him I did feel irritated as he'd said he was going to pay it. He got very cross and shouted "well thanks for making me feel like the bad guy and a complete c*nt!!" I was so shocked as we've been together for a long time think 15 years, and have barely argued about things like this!
I've woken up this morning, he's gone to work, but I'm thinking I will ask him to cover all food and transport as that will be around the same cost that I covered yesterday. It's not really about the money though, I am annoyed he couldn't shoulder the responsibility for paying the final balance, leaving it to me, then shouting at me when I dared say I was upset about it? Am I being unreasonable? We have a joint account and he does earn more than me and contribute more usually without me ever needing to ask, which is why last night shocked me so much. Not sure if I am acting like a spoiled princess. For context I work part time and look after/arrange childcare when I work for our two DC.

Definitely sounds like he's hiding money worries, check his credit report...

It sounds like something else is going on with him

If this is out of character of him I would be looking a bit deeper. Do you know the balance on the joint account. That is the first thing I would check.

I think if you split money 50:50 and have children you need to include joint expenses into this equation along with the other household goods. Anything after all the household spends and joint expenses such as holidays and anything relating to children is then individual spends.

Thanks I've checked it and it's all good :-) I really value the advice some have given about pooling money for holidays like we do for household things too, to avoid this happening in future.

Google Calendar for deadlines

Whoever makes the booking responsible for paying, from joint account

I'd be wondering if there was more going on than he has so far openly admitted to. Like does he have any personal money worries or debt that he is trying to hide?

The manner in which he spoke to you is utterly unacceptable though. I'd definitely be telling him that in the strongest possible terms. I hope he apologised.

things like this we usually share costs 50/50 which I am happy to do even though he does earn more

He earns more because you are working part time to provide childcare for your joint children. Why on earth are you paying 50/50 for anything?

And as you are only working part time you are paying less into your pension.

Why do you pay 50:50 if earn less? Do you have a joint savings account too?

He earns more than you, but you pay 50/50.

He doesn't pay a balance for a holiday despite being politely reminded of it.

His reaction is to verbally abuse you in the most foul way.

OP, I suspect you put up with more than you are letting on.

He is absolutely vile.
How he spoke to you is absolutely vile and abusive.

He is also financially abusive if you pay for half of costs despite him earning more.

This is not a good man.
You are subsidising the career and costs of an abusive man.

I think you should have a hard think and talk to a domestic abuse charity.
This is an abusive, controlling, financially abusive relationship.

I hope you have family and friends to support you.

Ok he can transfer the money to you can’t he? Problem solved. Sounds like there’s something going on that you’re not aware of. I would ask him straight out what’s going on and why he’s behaving like this.

This should be such a non-issue. Surely he just pays you back, as he was going to pay anyway? Unless he doesn't want to go, or doesn't have the money; which raises other issues.
Maybe holiday funds should be part of the joint account too, so there's no need for dickish behaviour 🤷🏾‍♀️.

we usually share costs 50/50 which I am happy to do even though he does earn more.

You shouldn't be happy with that. And he shouldn't be happy with that.

This holiday is going to be hellish, for you all I imagine.

Also for any neighbouring holidaymakers

I mean I’d be shocked and upset if my DH called me a c*. What I can’t understand is that you’re married, so surely you just pay for this together? Why is it a situation of you pay for this, he pays for that etc.

The OP says it’s out of character and you want her to contact a domestic abuse charity.
I think I’d wait till he’s back and here a bit more before hitting the LTB button,

This seems really odd, assuming he isn’t usually unreasonable and unpleasant.
I would say “I’m really unhappy about the way you spoke to me the other day. Please don’t use that word in my presence again. What is going on that you got so upset?” .
I think it’s important to talk about it.
We have a joint credit card and bank account that gets used for holiday and other joint expenses, we put a pro-rata’d amount each in each month. That avoids arguments in these types of situations.

I’d be asking him to transfer his half and I’d be expecting a very sincere apology!! An appropriate response if it ever happens again is “you dont need my help to look like a c*nt you manage very well on your own” Followed by exiting the room.

Why on earth do you split costs 50/50 when he earns more than you and you only work part time due to looking after your JOINT children?! This is utter madness.

But then surely he should say so. Allowing the deposit to be booked and insisting he will pay the balance doesn’t scream ‘I don’t want to go’.

It does if you’re a spineless twat

Jesus wept, get a grip. OP says this is out of character. This is not an LTB issue and if you think it’s domestic abuse you need to give your head a wobble. Your post is hugely disrespectful of those of us who have suffered actual domestic abuse.

Are you sure he actually paid the deposit?

??