AIBU to be upset he forgot the holiday payment then shouted at me for paying it?

[MarilynSays]

Can I get some perspective on a situation as I'm feeling a bit shocked.
Family holiday booked, think UK based and cost approx £500 for accommodation. Travel and food still would need paying for at the time of the holiday for family of 4.
Reason I am feeling shocked is that we paid the deposit (myself and DH) months ago, and at that time he said "don't worry, I will pay the rest". I politely and in a nice tone reminded him earlier this week to pay, and he just said "oh", like he'd forgotten. Reminded again two days ago, and he barely responded. So yesterday I paid the balance (due date or we would lose our booking) and told him I did feel irritated as he'd said he was going to pay it. He got very cross and shouted "well thanks for making me feel like the bad guy and a complete c*nt!!" I was so shocked as we've been together for a long time think 15 years, and have barely argued about things like this!
I've woken up this morning, he's gone to work, but I'm thinking I will ask him to cover all food and transport as that will be around the same cost that I covered yesterday. It's not really about the money though, I am annoyed he couldn't shoulder the responsibility for paying the final balance, leaving it to me, then shouting at me when I dared say I was upset about it? Am I being unreasonable? We have a joint account and he does earn more than me and contribute more usually without me ever needing to ask, which is why last night shocked me so much. Not sure if I am acting like a spoiled princess. For context I work part time and look after/arrange childcare when I work for our two DC.

This would have been my guess but OP paid the balance.

It would make sense for him to do this if he was a spineless twat

better?

No. In what context is he a spineless twat ? That would suggest he needs to stand up to OP, and that doesn’t seem to be the case.

I’d also hope he’s apologised properly and is trying to make up his nasty behaviour to you?

I am really having to help you along here.

You said in response to some one else suggesting that perhaps he didn’t actually want to go that it wouldn’t make sense.

But it would make sense that this was his approach to not wanting to go on holiday if he was a spineless twat!,

That’s quite a patronising way to speak to that poster.

Hhmmm. It sounds like he may have some money issues that youre unaware of. Hes probably already stressing about other costs and this has tipped him over the edge.

Not your fault but I do think you need to speak to him and be supportive

Does he want to go on the holiday?

That is how I felt after the third clarifying post

I sense he doesn’t

but instead of being honest.. he chooses to verbally abuse the op

I just think with money once you're a fanily with kids it's so much better for both of you to have joint account access and have salaries paid directly in. It means you both can track it easily. If you want to pull money out into personal accounts for treats or gifts, fair enough but why is a holiday either 1 or the other persons expense- it's a family holiday! Feeding your kids shouldn't be 1 or the other persons responsibility on a family holiday, it's a shared cost surely!?
Have a chat tonight, I'd be worried that either he isn't getting paid or has lost/spent money somewhere else OR he really doesn't want to go on holiday. Either way you shouldn't need to ask/cajole family expenses from him, so maybe this financial set up needs to change.

Just ask him to pay you back and stop being such a wanker

He’s behaving weirdly - something is probably behind it eg money worries, feeling that he isn’t treated as an adult etc etc. Whatever the reason, he should not have got angry.

On a different note, me and DH also have separate finances (apart from a joint account for mortgage/car/food/bills/kid stuff which we pay into proportionate to our salary). For holidays, we each put a set amount per month into a savings account, and this covers all holiday costs. Something to consider OP.

There really is no need to be so bloody rude.

I speak my mind, but I’m not deliberately rude. I simply asked what you meant and your replies were tetchy from the start.

You began the exchange with…

???

You speak your mind

as do I

In this instance, it seems like the easiest and cleanest thing would be for him simply to transfer you the same amount you paid to avoid losing the booking - so in effect he does "pay the rest", just as he promised, although indirectly. Then you can divide up the rest of the holiday expenses as you usually do. I'd talk with him about why he reacted the way he did, once he has calmed down - had he planned to pay later that day and is angry that you didn't trust him to do that? In that case, a little more communication would help, for example if he had confirmed, when you reminded him, that he was aware of the deadline and would meet it.

Or if he doesn't want to be reminded at all, he can pay promptly - or establish a track record of being responsible about such things so that you do completely trust him to do it. And that would include his telling you immediately if something changed and he could not or would not pay.

Has he apologised?

I am struggling to see how he had never shown so much as a whiff of this behaviour before. He must be an Emmy award winning actor

A fair split would be far more like 65/35 or 70/30 even given he's working full time and you're facilitating this by taking on the bulk of the childcare.

50/50 isn't fair on you at all. Just something to bear in mind.

Of course you're not being a princess OP. It's a family holiday and you definitely would have lost your booking in the summer holidays when they can easily sell it to someone else as a last min deal. No idea why he's spoken to you like that. Hopefully he has apologised & will be more organised next time x

Presumably as everything is 50/50 your personal spending is equal. Savings are equal. Pension contributions are equal. If not why not? What about free time?

If he has more free cash, larger pension, more savings etc be time to sit down and make it all equal.

He didn’t call OP that though