AIBU to expect the aquarium parents to be a bit more hands-on?

[MayWelland]

Setting out context before I go into the question: I was raised in a very strict home. I've thought long and hard about my own parenting behaviours and try to have the right balance between what I experienced and what I've learned about good parenting tactics. But there's always a risk that I veer too close to 'super strict'. That's why I'm asking this, to check my own expectations.

So, the challenge: I was out at a very busy aquarium with my six-year-old earlier this week. It was rammed. I was really taken aback by how laissez-faire some of the parenting was. The main example was that there was a rope cordoning off an area right in front of the glass where the sharks were swimming; I assume to give them some space and not to frighten them.

Two very little people escaped from their mum and dad and went under the rope, and got very very close to the glass. I'd guesstimate 18 months and 3 years old. These things happen, my LO was the same at that age, always on the go.

The parents tried to coax the children back under the rope. Lots of 'come on now, back you come, you can't be there etc etc'. But of course they were too young to take any notice. This went on for at least two minutes.

I found this astonishing. I'm all for coaxing but I would've absolutely gone and picked them up and physically moved them from in front of the glass, and I wonder if I am being unreasonable with that expectation? Obviously as a parent, I wouldn't have done it in a cross way, but more in a sort of 'ah no, you can't be there, sorry'.

It felt like a really long two minutes, though in writing this I'm like 'ah, two mins, it's nothing!' And no harm was done, though it did mean other people had to explain to their kids why they weren't allowed behind the rope.

But it felt like a disregard for the rules, and also a huge expectation on the little people themselves, who couldn't have possibly understood the coaxing. I am using this as an example but there were lots of these types of things throughout the day. Kids doing things that kids do, but very little hands-on parenting.

Am I unreasonable to think the parents should've stepped in sooner to move them back behind the rope?

I agree.

Sharks, FFS. Move your child.

I was in a Toby Carvery the other day (the place where it’s well known that people walk around with hot plates of food piled so high they can’t see over them) and two parents were looking on adoringly as their children rolled around on the carpet.

Such odd behaviour.

Aquarium parents don’t have hands, do they? They have fins. Or tentacles.

What's an aquarium parent?

Not unreasonable in the slightest but lots of parents seem to think they don’t need to actually discipline their kids these days.

And I do realise I am starting to sound like my dad 😂

They did move the kids though. It just took a couple of minutes.

Some parents are shit. We were at a farm the other day where you feed the animals from above by dropping the feed down a chute. Parents were letting their little angels chuck handfuls of feed over the fence hitting the baby piglets with no attempt to stop them or redirect them to where it should go.

But it shouldn’t take a couple of minutes.

I went to an aquarium once during summer holidays - god, never again.
The worst offenders were a multiple family large group of around maybe 10/12 who had set up a huge circle right in front of one of the main tanks and laid out a picnic.
Sat there quite happily completely blocking anybody else from getting close to it. They were still there on my second pass around the aquarium. Total self absorbtion.

Re the OP, the kids shouldve been physically removed by the parents. 5 seconds of collection vs 2 minutes of coaxing.

My little boy is always on reins, I do worry I'm too protective/anxious. Hes 22 months, wont hold hands for longer than 3 seconds and is always on the go, as toddlers are. In an aquarium i would have him on reins so I know where he is at all times as it can get dark and there are often little side areas or steps randomly. He does walk perfectly with the reins, when I put them on he puts his arms through himself. In that situation I absolutely would have picked him up instantly!

Ah the 'aquarian parents' was the suggested title and I went with it, and look where that got me 🙄

Thanks for all the thoughts so far.

They have open top child height tanks at the little aquarium at Alton Towers and my DS who was about 3 at the time dropped his Lego Mario toy in one. It was a split second thing. No idea why the tanks are open like that but there you go, these things happen. Staff member with a net had to retrieve it.

I’ll also never forget my brother throwing his brand new sun hat into the monkey enclosure at the zoo when he was about 2. Shit happens, kids are gits sometimes.

Hi @Sartre we've all been there! But that's not the same issue. I'm not suggesting the child should've been prevented from going under the rope. Kids are kids. I'm suggesting that once the child was under the rope, the parents should've done more to get them back, even if that meant picking them up and physically moving them.

YANBU. Your point about putting expectations onto little children really resonated. This obsession some people seem to have with trying to negotiate and give endless choices at all times to toddlers is infuriating. Do you want to wear the pink socks or yellow socks type thing is fine as it helps with decision making and building independence, but little children need their parents to lead and guide them in the bigger moments - it’s how they feel safe. It’s also how they learn to behave appropriately in busy public places!

Yes, there seems to be a modern idea that parents shouldn't physically manage children. Something to do with their 'personal space' or 'bodily autonomy' or some such bollocks.

Parents, FFS, it is absolutely fine to pick up and move your DC, or physically remove their hands from something they shouldn't be touching, or physically restrain their legs if they are kicking, etc.
In many situations, if you don't do so then you are the one at fault.

Your daily life must be a real struggle if you've read the OP's post and still need to ask this question.

Yes, but those things happen in a split second and are generally non-preventable.

The kids the OP's talking about stood there for two minutes while their parents did the whole 'Now darling, perhaps it would be nice if you didn't do that' thing instead of just saying 'Out of there now', leaning over, grabbing them and taking them away.

Of course kids are gits, but it's the role of a parent to put a stop to ongoing gittishness. If something happens in the blink of an eye and couldn't be prevented, of course you can't blame the parent, but if they stand there watching their child being a git and do nothing to stop them, that's when it becomes crap parenting.

I don’t think it’s to do with personal autonomy, more the fact that very small children are surprisingly strong.

I can quite see why the parent didn’t want to physically wrangle with two children of that age.

To be honest I am surprised they even tried coaxing them out and thought you were going to say they let them stay there banging the windows or getting them to pose for photos.

I find adults just as bad. At an animal park the signs clearly say to stay on the paths. A staff member had to tell an adult to get off the grass as they were trying to get close to the lemurs. Elsewhere another family were trying to feed the animals bits they found around the area (grass, leaves etc) and stroke them when signs were clearly saying do not feed. I aways think these families would be first in line demanding compensation, going to the press if they were bitten by an animal.

Haha. Yes it wasn't exactly difficult to work out.

Op YANBU.

OP’s post is distinctly about the parents though. Obviously children do these kinds of things sometimes. But the parents needed to be on hand to get their children back behind the barrier asap. The children would not have understood and needed clear boundaries. A child might throw a hat in the monkey enclosure but that’s when they get told off and are less likely to do it again.

There’s many things in life someone “might not want” to do. But you have to. There was 2 parents and two children. One each. I’m sure if they’d have been in danger the parents would have been able to physically wrangle them. So if it’s just a case of “don’t want to”, then tough shit. The animals might not deal well with humans being that close to them which is why the barriers were there to start with.

As must yours if you can’t understand basic sarcasm

18 months I would have just gone to get DD. At 3 years I'd have given her one chance with a very firm "DD. Come back here. NOW" Then gone in.

I cannot be doing with "oh darling, I know you want to go and see the sharks, they're really interesting aren't they yes, can you please come back here, we can watch them from here, come on now sweetheart etc etc"

Fine, you want to understand them, validate their feelings and so forth, find a quiet spot and bloody well do it once you have moved them out of the way.

Yes this is how I felt. I would’ve absolutely have given my DS a chance to comply but then would’ve immediately lifted him if he hadn’t.

I suppose I just found it quite challenging because I often second-guess my own parenting and worry I’m too harsh all the time.