AIBU to expect more help with school uniform from my ex?

[HarmonyRhapsody]

Im sure this is discussed very frequently on here, but here goes!
Divorced for 5 years, 2 children now aged 11 and 14. Separated about 9 years ago.
They visit every other weekend for 2 nights. He pays cm of £270pm since he left as he has minumum wage job.
However he has received considerable sums over the years through various avenues, and the fmh property buyout, all totalling around £80,000. Had a nice wedding to new wife, now got nice clothes, likes nice things, foreign holidays every year. Not total luxury living, but... knows how to look after himself. I have not been able to work because of childcare, youngest behaviour (ASD) up to now, so been on the old UC. Ive now finally been able to leave UC and im working part time. My new husband (married this year) is now all settled with me and our income is enough to get by. Not a lot, but we are happier on less stress without UC relentless checking (im self employed).
Right! School uniform.
Both need all new clobber, no hand me downs from one kid to the next as the size difference is too big. So far spent £350, and still got to get stationary and shoes for both.
Ex has given extra £80.
Should his £270pm cm be expected to cover this?
Money management is a huge contributing factor of our marriage ending. He said to the boys 'look after your uniform, I helped pay for it.' Which irks slightly. My oldest has developed his own opinions of his fathers money management and contribution over the years as he has seen me struggle, scrimp, save, borrow uniform from lost property, take a coat home i found in the park and washed it as it fitted my son (shamefully) and wear charity shop clothes when they were growing fast, and my youngest used to 'eat' his collars and cuffs regularly with his sensory issues.

There is also a once in a lifetime school trip im letting my oldest son go on with the school which is costing £750, to a place I always promised I would take them but was priced out when I tried. It was my decision to pay for this myself, and did not assume my ex would help me, but it doesnt make it any cheaper.
My question amidst my rant is...would a reasonable dad pay more? AIBU!? Thank you.

I do, and it helps. Its not about how much it is costing me. I have saved for stuff like this. Its about whether he should be meeting me halfway for expenses for the boys and I cant use my own money for treats like a hair cut for myself (I have been cutting my sons hair for years, saves a fortune) or to not go straight to the reduced aisle, and debate with myself over the cost of loo rolls. I always look at the cost of everything per item, not the cost of the overall item iteself (ie how much per tin in a pack of 6, or 12, or per 100g. How do I get more for my money). I get the lower rate dla which doesnt go far with the additional cost of raising the little one.

@Soontobe60
@ALovelyPinkUnicorn
You are lucky. My DD has just spent £130 on, a blazer, tie, one jumper and PE kit. I'm buying her shirts from Asda and we've had to go to Trutex and the Very for skirts (fit and colour). I've got them because I can spread the cost. I kit the younger one out, besides from shoes. Then there's tights and socks. Because of having an induction week the backpack/stationary etc is already bought.
You can't kit senior school children out, like you can primary aged children. For many it's the start of them needing bus fares around £26 a week. I've enjoyed buying bits with them. My DH used to love taking his Neice out and getting her shoes and a coat. I don't understand Dads who don't play any part in stuff like this. Non resident parents should be paying towards this stuff, on top of maintenance. My grandchildren's paternal Grandad sends £100 towards uniform. If you have genuine love for the child, you want to get involved, many men seem to lack that love and care.

The 'branded' trainers were both in a sale, and cheap ones are about £30 a pair anyway, so by paying a bit more it saves in the long run. My oldest is a size 12. Try spending less! The boys are not brand led at all and couldnt care less. Branded ones tend not to have the soles wear out quicker, or the toes, or the cardboard soles wear through and ruck up at the toes. (Google Terry Pratchetts 'Boots' Theory!) And they come with a warranty!
As for silly money on the socks, they were the smallest expense (apart from a £2.50 gum shield and £5 shin pads which are a requirement!) And being a very specific shade of green, would stick out like a sore thumb in a class of 30 if they are not right. See it as me spoiling them rotten to blend in! And I am not on UC.

The 'branded' trainers were both in a sale, and cheap ones are about £30 a pair anyway, so by paying a bit more it saves in the long run
But this isn't true. You can get solid lasting non branded shoes. We're not talking supermarket as the alternative. Also, their feet will grow again any way and will need replacing.

You mentioned £60 on branded socks! Absolutely ridiculous!

The socks were the smallest expense, they were one totally unnecessary expense. It's totally acceptable that it is one expense their dad would not agree on. I would never have agreed to that for my kids even though I could afford it. Nice socks is what they got as Christmas presents!

YABU. CMS goes towards uniform, he is not required to send extra.

You mentioned £60 on branded socks! Absolutely ridiculous!

The £60 was for 8 pairs of trousers, which I think is pretty frugal shopping 👍
Good luck to you, OP, your ex needs to step up. I hope he does.

Either I mistyped, or you misread. No way would I spend £60 on socks! Probably my poor use of grammar. I have been awake since 4.50am with stuff going through my head. All I can say is we dont see eye to eye in this topic, which is ok. I appreciate your input nonetheless. Its healthy to see other people's perspectives and keep my emotional involvement with my exes actions to a minimum.

My apologies, it's me who might have read wrong. Phew, I did think it was madness!

Agree secondary uniform is expensive, at ours we have to buy branded rugby top that they only wear half a term for £30. Then if you don't want your kid to freeze to death in winter the branded zipup top they aren't allowed to just buy anything from asda literally only school trousers and skirts.

Yes a reasonable dad would pay more. Fancy leaving the mother of your children struggling to clothe them. It is shameful.
Honestly I’d be happy to make a contribution to your son’s school trip, reading this.

Same here, branded rugby top, PE top, shorts, tracksuit bottoms, hoodie and socks. Even the jumper is branded and the school blazer is a wool one at £90! Kitting out one child cost me the best part of £400.

Whatever the uniform cost, he isn’t obliged to contribute. Should he? Of course. But a man deliberately working less to avoid paying for his own kids isn’t exactly worried about his moral obligations.

2 of 3 of mine are at secondary school 🤷🏼‍♀️ luckily no blazers and only branded PE top, not full kit

They won't be allowed to ask for all that now there are rules about branded items - good job! But honestly, what is the fucking need for branded socks for PE ffs??

@NotSmallButFunSize I will be very interested to see what actually changes following the new legislation - I suspect not very much!

His new partners income has nothing to do with you. His contribution is based on his income. And officially he doesn’t have to pay more than CMS

8 pairs of trousers and ten shirts seems a lot 🤔

Definitely - my son was basically wearing 1 pair all week for year 11! 😂 Why the need for 8 pairs?!

All schools are different my kids school uniform trousers are £25 each and they are not allowed to wear supermarket ones as must have the logo

I never for one minute assumed his wife's income would have any effect on what their dad contibuted towards his children. How did you assume that? Its none of my business.

YANBU, but some men are utterly shameless.

I get £100 a month from my ex for 2 kids. It is what it is and I just have to get on with it. I budget carefully and we manage.

A decent dad would contribute more.

If he has them EOW, who provides their clothes etc during that time? He is supposed to provide everything they need while they are in his care. Would it help if you insisted on that?

He should help more but I presume he knows you get the dla and the child benefit so will expect you to pay it from that? Also 8 pairs of trousers is a lot. My son had two pairs.