AIBU to seek help after taking items from school lost property?

[Sevs88]

This is really hard to say, but I need some reassurance because I’m not sure what to do anymore. I have always really struggled with impulse control and suspect I’m undiagnosed with something on top of my OCD. But recently Ive found myself stealing clothes from DDs schools lost property which is bad enough. But to add to my torment, I’m selling them on Vinted. We don’t need the money as DH owns a successful business, but I just can’t help myself each time the box is outside reception and I’m in the vicinity. I just get such a buzz from knowing I’m helping to recycle but feel guilty for stealing. Is it really unreasonable- like if the parents wanted those things back surely they would just claim them not leave them there, also it’s not my fault f I can’t help myself? I wish I could but I can’t! Please be kind it feels like a weights lifted already.

Kindly, @Sevs88, you know already it’s not right as you feel bad doing it. You get a buzz from thinking you’re helping recycle, but reality reminds you you’re taking what isn’t yours. You’re trying to absolve your guilt by saying it’s not your fault and seeking reassurance on here.

Have you spoken to your DH at all? Have you got real life support?

I also wonder if there is anything else in your day to day life that gives you meaning and value.

I do feel visiting the GP to discuss would help, or if you can afford to go private do that. You can turn this around but you’ll need to be brave and reach out for help from professionals. Future you will be glad you took that first step.

And are you donating the money? Since you don't need it?!

You seem to be aware this is not acceptable hence the torment and guilt so don't minimise what you're doing by the rationale that the owner hasn't claimed them..

Risk taking behaviour for thrills should be addressed. Kleptomania is not common but you are describing some of the traits however the selling on is calculated rather than impulsive.

If you are struggling to stop, definitely speak to your GP about it. You can not continue to do this as you know it is wrong, it is not victimless as you are depriving the owner of their property and you are making proceeds from the theft.

If you need a deterrent, imagine the consequences if you were caught. The reputational damage would not only impact you. Unfortunately it could impact your husband's business and your daughter as they are connected to you.

Writing your post and the advice you've received hopefully brings this episode to an end. Good luck with resolving this situation as you know you can't continue to do this

Is you DH supportive? If this was me he’d be the first person I’d tell, then I would get into therapy before this situation deteriorates.

You need psychiatric help.

Stop saying you’re acting on impulse. If you were taking things on impulse you could return them. Making the effort to put them on Vinted and sending them out is a sustained intent. You are a thief. What happens when someone looking to replace lost items notices how much you are selling? That’s when you will find out how hostile the school gate can be. Losing school uniform is so annoying, if I had found out that it was being sold I would have been furious. Get help before you and your daughter are pariahs.

I have taken stuff from Lost Property at my DS Primary school but only once I knew it was about to be disposed of, I didn't sell it either
Sounds like you are looking for validation that its ok OP, its not so stop it

I like'to add to my torment'. Thanks for a good laugh.

What you can be diagnosed with on top of your OCD is being a common thief.

Don’t romanticise it.

This. 💯
You may have taken things before it was realised they were missing or/and before a child or parent could get to the Lost Property box.

anyone who does this will not stop at the lost property box. It will be the cloakrooms next

In my school, we keep and use or donate anything left longer than a year. I assure you, you're incredibly unlikely to be saving things from the bin.

Let me tell you about a parent in my school. They're utterly skint. They've had involvement from many services over the years and they are trying so hard to be the parent their children need, in incredibly difficult circumstances. The kid is a nightmare for loosing jumpers and coats, absolute nightmare. I've held that parent while they sobbed because their kid's nice new stuff was never to be found in lost property despite names on when they couldn't afford to replace it yet again. I replaced that jumper, from my LSA wage, because I could remember being that skint and my son losing his coat and my feeling of desperate panic and hating that my son would need nasty, stained cast offs when I'd saved up to prevent that shame.

You might be stealing from someone like that. Does your sense of pleasure at 'recycling' (theft) hold up against doing that to someone?

You also say the parents would take it back if they wanted it - how, when you've already stolen it?

Talk to your GP if you need to. Or just stop. I was very badly brought up, actively taught how to steal as a kid, and one day at about 15 just had an epiphany that theft and shoplifting is actually not a victimless crime, quite wrong actually and stopped over night having been on the rob every day before. Never done it since. Just stop. It's better done before you get caught and fuck up your life. You're just a thief, like I was, you're not doing anything justifiable or ok. Stop.

That was a lot of words to say “I’m a thief”

Some parents may rarely do pick up or don't realise something is missing for a while.

You're a calculated, organised thief and quite deliberately selling stuff on. Go and see a private therapist as the waiting lists on the NHS for CBT are very long.

And if you are really in torment you should be able to pay for treatment.

Stop doing it. You are preventing someone their clothes. The parents may not be in a position to replace them they might be in a position where they have to make the choice of replacing clothes or buying food. I don't know how you can live with yourself. Yes get help and replace the items you stole.

You’re a criminal. Simple as that. This is all premeditated to, not on impulse, so don’t try and excuse your behaviour.

Are you giving the money back to the school?

You’re stealing. Stealing isn’t recycling. More than that, you’re profiting from your crimes by selling the stolen items on Vinted.

Have you not heard of the saying ‘do as you would be done by’? How would you like it if someone ‘recycled’ your car because you hadn’t used it for a few days? Or ‘recycled’ your phone that you’d accidently left at a cafe and didn’t realise until you got home?

If this is real, you need to stop. If you genuinely can’t stop, then you need to speak to your GP and get MH support. Someone will find you out soon and then you’ll be speaking to the police.

This can't be real!

Fuck me, it's just a few bits of second hand clothing.

The best time to raid the box is September / October when all the new coats have been lost. That's a joke by the way!

So, not only is it theft, it's also dealing in stolen goods and potentially fraud depending on your descriptions on Vinted. Racking up the potential criminal charges there OP. I feel for your child and husband.

YABVU. It absolutely is your fault and you absolutely can help yourself.

What’s in the lost property worth selling? It’s usually beanie hats, gloves and school jumpers in my DC’s…

I think you get a buzz from doing this as it's not kleptomania when you are reselling on Vinted, it's ordinary stealing.. Like lots of criminal who enjoy the thrill of not not getting caught in the act. When you eventually caught out, how will you feel and how will this impact your family and comfortable lifestyle?