Husbands plans clashing with family trip

[lavandermatcha]

Myself and my husband have been on about taking the kids skiing for the last few years. We booked a few years ago but then his friend announced he was getting married and my husband was groomsman so I cancelled for financial reasons and also felt my husband may be needed the week of the wedding.
I found flights and accomodation ect for a good deal when the kids are off school in February so I told him I was going to book but now he said his friends are talking about an event that week and travelling over for it. I asked could he reschedule and go another time but he said that they voted and everyone agreed that week. If he doesn’t go he will loose his share of the joint fund they use for get togethers. (I’m not sure why they can’t just leave his share for the next event to rollover)
He has no issue going skiing but thinks we should take kids out of school and go earlier/later in the year.
I won’t go with the kids on my own due to different ages I feel our oldest wouldn’t benefit as usually when we are doing activities he will do them with either me or dh whilst the other parent remains with the younger ones. I’ve never been skiing before either.

If you haven't booked it yet then book another time

He seems to have a lot of say what you do ? Didn't he tell you about his trip before you booked did you not talk about the holiday? i would take the children on my own when I wanted he sees his time more important than yours as well as their schooling.

Neither of us have booked. His plans are all group chat text. I did say to him ages ago I hope to find a deal for the week the kids are off in February but because nothing was concrete then he though I wasn’t bothered) taking the kids on my own is just not an option I’ve done it before for sun holidays and to Disney ect but I wouldn’t bring them skiing on my own. It would be too much and the ages of them they have different needs/wants

It sounds like his friends are being prioritised each time. Why can't he suggest another date with his group of friends? I get that it might be hard to get everyone together but surely this must be the case every year that someone can't make the suggested date.

I definitely wouldn’t be taking the kids out of school because his mates want a holiday during the school holiday! Their education is far more important than his holiday with his mates!!

As frustrating as this sounds, the ski season is not just 2 weeks and there will be other “deals” available. So why not work together to fix a date that has no clash with prior events, school terms, etc. and just stick to it?

He needs to start prioritising his kids and family over his mates, imo.

@MyFunSlothThe kids return to school January, Christmas is a non runner due to the expense and I can’t take Christmas off this year, then midterm February and then Easter holidays in March/april. Aside from the odd occasional day from either my older DCs school the midterm is the only time we can go. Next year we hit an exam year for ds

Surely they’ll be paying well over the odds for the mates holiday if it’s half term week?

Going away with pals in the school holidays when you have a young family is shit behaviour, whether or not there is an alternative family trip planned. Why is he leaving childcare and entertainment solely up to you?!

@lavandermatcha Book somewhere warm and family friendly for you and the kids - Dads treat😉
Who wants to roll around in the snow and get cold?!

eta - if he ends up coming home a little plastered - think crutches and a cast - "Oh dear, I'm off to work, bye-ee.." 😁

Agree with pp that his friends are more important to him than his family and you.

He may be making the right noises about wanting this skiing holiday but I wonder if he will keep on finding things he prefers to do with them instead.

Go the first week of Easter holidays.

Ensure you are in a high resort such as Avoriaz (also it's close to Geneva so a short transfer).

It will be far, far cheaper which as you are all beginners is probably important.

The weather will tend to be better.

Fair, if his plans are fixed then maybe book it for next February i wouldn't take them out for his convenience.

Nothing has been booked, he just need to put on the group chat that he's unavailable that week, how hard can it be

You are not BU

This. Thee are several high altitude ski resorts that are fine if you go early in the Easter holidays.

THIS

Why on earth are they arranging a lads holiday in February half term

@Chilly80its an event so they had a choice of two weekends one in February the other date was in March. The majority voted for February. Most of the guys don’t have kids so it may not have crossed their mind which in fairness I can’t blame them. We tend not to do much over midterm. In any other year if there was nothing on I’d be ok with him being away as I usually book off work for midterm so I like being home with the kids

He's not prioritising, there are still options to discuss another time for the family holiday. March is a great time to go skiing.

Exactly.

Surely the family trip comes first as there’s far more flex as to when he can go with mates?

So this is a group of men, likely many are dads, who are deliberately planning on being away during half term?

look at Canada for skiing at Easter- it’s often not that much more expensive than Europe if it doesn’t clash with local holidays. you are more likely to get good snow than in Europe at Easter.

I think I would be angry if he won’t even go back into the group chat and say that he didn’t realise it was school holidays that week, everywhere will be more expensive/harder to get bookings and full of kids. Would they consider re-voting to avoid the school holidays ?

So selfish. Tell him prioritise his kids over his mates. He can go away with his mates any time.

I’ve just been away with my dh. Our dc are all grown up. These years pass too quickly. He needs to be a dad and put them and their childhood first.