Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want some time off from being 'mum'

98 replies

deglectedhousewife · 26/06/2008 20:12

Apparently (according to dp) I am not allowed to go out to see my friends or anywhere else (corner shop, hair appt etc etc) without taking the kids with me.
Apparently this is what I signed up for when I got pregnant.

OP posts:
Original poster
deglectedhousewife · 26/06/2008 21:20

I am not willing to move back to my family cause I love mu childminder, daughters school, my house, my job and my lifestyle. I have just begun to settle here and am starting to make friendships and I am not willing to throw that away cause of him. So I have to work on getting him out

OP posts:
dylsmum1998 · 26/06/2008 21:23

thats fair enough i understand that. i hope all goes well and he leaves and doesnt hassle you after you get him out

Original poster
deglectedhousewife · 26/06/2008 21:25

I don't suppose he will ever be out of my life cause he will want to see his son and his family are really involved (which is fine)

OP posts:
Original poster
deglectedhousewife · 26/06/2008 21:25

am going for a bath now. thanks everyone

OP posts:
ally90 · 26/06/2008 21:26

I presume he donated the sperm? Two to tango...he needs to GROW UP.

ally90 · 26/06/2008 21:27

I presume he donated the sperm? Two to tango...he needs to GROW UP.

madamez · 26/06/2008 22:09

If he won't leave and begins smashing things, shouting or indeed committing further assaults on you, call the police. They will immediately take him out of the house.
And, though he is the DCs father, that doesn't mean he has a right to continue abusing you and them. If he has been violent, you can insist that he only has supervised access to them at a contact centre, for instance - and you need not see him at all.

Original poster
deglectedhousewife · 28/06/2008 18:11

Thanks all. Just to update. I went out and it was shit. I got a number of phone calls accusing me of being a terrible mother and I was being irresponsible. When I got home I was called a stupid bitch and a slag.
We are not talking at the mo and he has gone to work. When he gets home we are gonna talk and I have basically told him to Fuck Off. I think he has got the message - I hope!

OP posts:
Littlefish · 28/06/2008 18:24

Please don't wait until the next time Deglected. I know you're going to talk, but please make sure that the end result of that talk is him leaving the house and you changing the locks.

dylsmum1998 · 28/06/2008 19:30

ah deglected i'm glad you went, but sorry he spoilt it for you thats so unfair. what time is he finishing?

shatteredmumsrus · 28/06/2008 19:45

Well i think you know what we are going to say. Being police - he is being very selfish and acting like a kid not a father. You say to him if he doesnt want a babysitter to look after the kids then he will have o do it!End of! Easier said than done i guess, we arn't living your life and I totally understand you want to avoid a row because of the kids, im the same but he cant treat you like this. Its domination and controlling. Have you got any relatives to call on?

MrsMacaroon · 28/06/2008 20:04

please have a man there to help you when you talk to him...why take any risks when you know what he's capable of.

shatteredmumsrus · 28/06/2008 20:37

Is it that bad deglected housewife? If so then maybe you should think about the situation your in. Big decisions i know but necessary i think

mashedup · 28/06/2008 20:57

Hi. Please get the help you need. It's not your fault. The house is in your name - legally, he can do nothing, you can make him leave. Get the police to help if you're scared. Get a restraining order if he causes trouble.
He won't get custody, he's making empty threats. I went through all this 11 years ago. I didn't think there was a way out, but there is.
Good Luck.

joliejolie · 30/06/2008 12:42

He has no idea how to be a father OR a partner.
Disappearing for several hours is not acceptable and I think maybe you could do better!

joliejolie · 30/06/2008 12:44

Um, not maybe at all! You definitely can do better. A rock would be better.

cheltenhamgal · 30/06/2008 13:23

my ex partner used to be like that, I would ask him if he could look after my dd and then he wouldn't come back after work. He too wouldn't let me organise a sitter so I ended up taking my dd with me or not going out at all........... which is part of the reason he is now my ex

Original poster
deglectedhousewife · 01/07/2008 14:26

Update - he has been sleeping on the settee since Friday and we area barely talking. He went to view a flat yesterday and he said he is going as soon as he sorts somewhere out. This is different from when we have been through this before so I am confident he is actually going to go this time. His mate is staying with us too and I am sure he wouldn't do anything in front of him so I am not worried. Just can't wait for him to be gone so I can start to move on (plus my house would be much tidier!)

OP posts:
NotDoingTheHousework · 01/07/2008 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

dylsmum1998 · 01/07/2008 14:34

thats a result for you, will his mate be getting the flat with him? if there is 2 of them togetehr they can get the money together and it will hopefully be even quicker

Ivegotaheadache · 01/07/2008 15:02

Well that's good.

But do you know that he actually went to view a place? And not just said he did.
And what does 'sort' somewhere out mean?

He may be sleeping on the sofa and it may seem different this time, but hust make sure that he keeps trying to sort something out, or as time goes on you'll go back to your usual routine and he'll stop looking for somewhere and you'll be back to square one.

Is he being generally more pleasant to you? Sometimes when a man liek this senses that you mean business and this time you really mean it, he'll change behaviour and be pleasant and co operative (ie looking for somewhere to stay) and you'll start to think that he's not so bad is he......

Original poster
deglectedhousewife · 03/07/2008 19:37

Hey don't worry he is going this time. He has been to look at a place and his mate is going too. They went to look together so i know its real. Anyway I will update again once he has gone. I really feel like I am going to get a chance to make a fresh start - and I can't wait!!!

OP posts:
NoseyHelen · 03/07/2008 23:18

I have no pearls of wisdom to pass on but wanted to say 'Well Done' for the progress you've made so far.

You and your children deserve to be loved and cherished so I hope that happens for you one day soon.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread