to want some time off from being 'mum'

[deglectedhousewife]

Apparently (according to dp) I am not allowed to go out to see my friends or anywhere else (corner shop, hair appt etc etc) without taking the kids with me.
Apparently this is what I signed up for when I got pregnant.

all my family live 250 miles away and I don't really have any friends (we only moved here 8 months ago so i don't really know anyone that well yet)
The house is in my name and all the stuff thats in it is mine (his belongings all fit into a holdall) so he would have to leave not me.

Maybe I wil give Womens Aid a call and see what they say - it just seems a bit dramatic though.
Does this stuff really not go on in everyones relationship at some stage?

get his stuff packed and leave it on the step for him next time he goes out! if he trys kicking in the door/causing a fuss call the police! you will be doing yourself and your dcs a massive favour!!!

You moved house away from friends and family just before your ds was born then? Your idea or his?

The arguing and petty games do go on in our house. Dp often uses the fact that he works and I don't against me BUT he would NEVER lay a hand on me.

no it doesnt not ever! if my dp ever laid a finger on me in malice he knows that after i had finished beating him around the head with a frying pan he would be out on his ear!!!

it is dramatic at all. its the right thing to do! this sort of thingfs are not meant to happen and do not go on in every relationship!!

You can call the police and have him removed from the house, then take out a restraining order preventing him from returning. Violent men lose the right to stay in the home their children live in. No matter what bullshit he feeds you, you are not his property and don't have to put up with his behaviour.

He will not get custody of the children.
You will not be unable to manage without him.
He will be legally obliged to pay you some child support, and you will get state benefits if you need them.

I have had it in every adult relationship I have ever had. What does that say about me?

No, this sort of stuff does not go on in every relationship. He's abusive and you need to get him out. Change the locks while he's out at his shift. Text him and tell him you've done it.

"Does this stuff really not go on in everyones relationship at some stage?"

No, really really not.

My partner has never tried to dictate to me about when or how I can go out. In fact, he encourages me to go out more when actually I am mainly a bit knackered and would mostly like to be on the sofa with a beer and a book. He's never aggressive. He's never violent. I'm not bragging or anything, just trying to tell you that it doesn't have to be like this.

Deglected, calling women's aid in the first instance will not start anything irreversible that you can't get out of, it will just enable you to get some info and backup organized. Please just give them a call. If nothing else, talking to them will mean you get some RL reinforcement of what you are already thinking about this relationship.

It is so easy to let things slide through inertia even when you KNOW they are not right...please don't let that happen. 7 month old babies are very vulnerable and you don't want violence or aggression anywhere near them. Your DCs need you to be OK.

sorry crossed posts

it says nothing about you other than you are a kind and gentle person!! its says a lot about the men! please call the number you were given earlier and if he is not atm please do let him back in!!

once you are rid get some counselling before you even consider meeting anyone else to help you get your confidence back!!

Deglected - it says NOTHING about you - it says alot about the men you have been with in the past. Although this doesn't happen in most relationships - it happens in a hell of a lot of them, so you're certainly not alone, or abnormal or anything like that! Lots of women do go through this, some women put up with it and some decide that they don't want to be abused any more and make the decision to leave. No-one deserves to be treated like this. phone Womens Aid.

If there is violence towards you, violence towards your kids is a distinct possibility. I'm really sorry if our reactions are freaking you a bit but really, this is not an OK situation.

"I don't wanto go to a refuge. He is on his last chance and he knows it. I have told him that if lays a finger on me again or shouts at me in front of the kids he is out." What happens if next time he kills you? or even worse, hurts your children?

You owe it to your children to get him OUT. Please don't wait to become another statistic. Ring that number - get help, sooner rather than later.

oh deglected your posts make me so for you. its not normal and it most definately is not your fault in anyway.
if it means you and your children are safe move back to family or friends and start fresh. you are not admitting defeat by doing this you are making a positive choice for a btter life for you and your children. you all deserve better and are so capable of acheiving it.
good luck

This thread has got a bit heavy. I was expecting responses more like....
YANBU!!!

Thank everyone for your concerns.
I will get my situ with money/work etc sorted and then he will be out on his arse. x

just or you deglected

most definately YANBU!!

sorry should read just for you