Dd15 got a tattoo of her boyfriends initial

[LighterDays]

I've posted previously and have has good advice so posting again

Some of you may remember my other threads about my dd 15 giving birth, her baby is now 5 months old. I won't go into full details of the background on her bf as this post will be long, I think I said it on my other thread but long story short he didn't treat her very good and was bullying her after they broke up (whilst she was heavily pregnant).

They're now back together and he has stepped up which has surprised me especially since grandson has got bigger and isn't just a sleepy newborn. He told dd how he's stopped the weed and hasn't smoked it for 3 months, i don't know how true it is but he does seem to have grown up a little but I don't know if this is all an act to get our trust back or what.

I babysat for dd this evening and she got back with a tattoo of his initial that he's done. He has his own tattoos that he's done himself and frankly look xrap due to the placement but it's his body it's not up to me. However I'm furious with dd as firstly its a boys initial who hasn't treated her good, she's 15, and infection risks as he's a 15 year old boy not a tattoo artist. Dd was also doing well as a mum until recently when we've had some disagreements

Haven't properly spoken to dd yet I thought I'd wait until the morning but also I'm due to go on holiday with my younger children at the end of next week and dd was meant to stay with her dad as she didn't want to goas I said no to bf coming too but I am concerned her dad won't keep an eye on her properly (we’re split) I've been in hospital twice since she has given birth and he's basically allowed dd and her bf to do what they want (and did before too as dd was living with her dad when she got pregnant as he’d be out at work so plenty of time for them to be alone together). I'm now rethinking the holiday too

Just as I thought we were getting somewhere as she did seem to be more responsible during pregnancy and after becoming a mum

Of course social services are involved - they are involved in all cases of underage births.

Your DD and GS need to be in a mother and baby home by the sounds of it. It's all incredibly dysfunctional and you're not well yourself.

Does she have a social worker?

Go on holiday, have a break.
Dd chose to keep the baby, your other children shouldn’t miss out. Maybe a week on her own will help her appreciate all
you do.

I did read the OP thanks. Things can change at any moment, especially with impulsive teenagers. Social Services are always the first to be criticised if there any issues with child protection.

She’ll get it covered up easily enough when she’s older. Tell her it’s a bit cringe and leave it there. Horse has bolted.

I think from previous threads the daughter had pre birth assessments with social services
Who were happy she had adequate support
They are not going to stay involved if the baby is being well cared for and the daughter has good suppirt.

So tattoo is a bit silly but nothing that cant be fixed when wanted. Laser or covered up ect. Glad shes doing well as a mum. I had my 1st dc at 16 and remeber how hard it was.

Is she now on contraception? Its a very tricky place as shes a mum and feels very grown up having a baby but still has your rules to live by (rightly so)

Id not say anything about tattoo unless she asks directly. Go on holiday and enjoy (provided shes got contraception)

This, I thought I was going mad that the focus was on having a tattoo. It's a very weird first tattoo to choose for yourself. Wouldn't she want something nicer to look at or that reflected her or her baby? Did she really completely of her own back choose to put his initial on herself. Does he have her initials scrawled on himself as well or is he just tagging her as a possession? I see it as a huge red flag for coercive control.

Social Services aren't involved as @x2boyssaid. They asked if it was consenual (yes she's underage but they were both the same age ) and that was it really they did the assessment but we're never formally involved especially when she moved back in with me they had no concerns

The only professional involved is the HV although they aren't the best in our area and she hasn't come out for ages. Baby is up to date with all his jabs though and there's no concerns about how dd is as a mum

I am concerned though as I babysat so she could see her friends but instead saw him at his house which I don't like anyway after his dad called her a slag when he found out she was pregnant (and has no interest and has never met grandson which is a good thing as he's not the best parent for his son and at the end of the day dd’s bf was a 14 now 15 year old boy he's likely not decided to behave how he does it's just how he's seen his dad and brothers behave and the fact he can do and go wherever his dad doesn't care) but she could've seen him at any time and especially when he's tattooed her with his initial does seem controlling somewhat. Yes she has a baby and is tied to him already but she didn't need the tattoo. If the tattoo was anything else then I would of course not be very pleased but it's more the fact that he did it and the infection risk and just what it is

Id say, “ You’ll live to regret that”
or, “Stupid decision”.
Then leave the room !

I think you're very right to be concerned about the tattoo and the motivation behind it. Only you know how well she will receive a conversation about it currently.There is the concern of unintentionally pushing them closer together if she feels you don't understand her/them/him/their relationship. The last thing you want to seem to her is the enemy.

Do you feel she was going to meet friends and that was her plan but he pressured her to see him instead?

It's a really tricky dynamic to see clearly when you're in the thick of it and with the added ties of that being your child's father.

Maybe really building up her confidence, time with friends time on hobbies time spent with you. I know none of that is easy to magically fit in expecially with a young baby. Perhaps watching a program together that does demonstrate controlling and dysfunctional relationships but in a helpful way not romantising it. Could help.
Do you have any good male role models in her life? (I know not easy to find)

What is your main concern will happen Whilst you are on holiday? Are there any other support that could watch over her during this time?

oh def. We had girls at school at 14/15 preg /babies

they would be almost 40 now. Scary says me with a 9yr

It is possible that dd was going to see her friends but he convinced her to see him instead which is another red flag as he previously would get annoyed with her for being friends with boys (not that she was going to meet with boys yesterday) whilst he was friends with girls and cheated on her. In the past they'd keep breaking up and he’d end up begging for her back and say he'd be different etc but he wouldn't be. The final straw was her catching him out on a lie which he didn't like and he then turned nasty because dd had blocked him anywhere so he’d bully her in person and wait outside her classes/at the bus stop for her with his friends to essentially intimidate her dd was heavily pregnant at the time and it caused her a lot of anxiety but they started talking again just before she gave birth and he has been involved since with the baby and then they got back together.

It is a toxic relationship but dd doesn't see that and to the poster asking he does have dd’s initial tattooed to him but dd didn't ask it was before they got back together to sort of “prove” he wanted dd (not that she's the only girl with the A initial but still) he's got many crap tattoos though so it just blends in and looks like scribbles whereas dd’s doesn't

@MightyGoldBearher dad is in her life but not involved day to day, dd went to live with him before she got pregnant due to arguments due to her behaviour after she first started dating her bf and then she moved back in with me after she got pregnant as her dad works long hours and this gave her a lot of time to do whatever with no supervision and that’s my concern again him letting her do whatever

Ive been in hospital twice since she gave birth (first time right after) so my ex was staying at mine to look after the dc and he let her bf stay and the last time I was in hospital i was in for 2 weeks and it did seem like a lot, yes he was helping dd with grandson but 2 15 year olds together overnight for 2 weeks even though there was space during the day is alot especially given how the bf is

Was this a sterile needle? Any chance it could have been contaminated? I would maybe seek advice from gp regarding possible screening for blood borne infections if there is any doubt

@LighterDays surely there’s not many more inappropriate things left for her to do - baby and tattoo at 15. Go on your holiday and let her get on with it, she doesn’t give a flying f**k what you think of her behaviour anyway and will do as she pleases.

I'd be more worried about her getting pregnant again tbh

I mean she’s had a baby OP come on, the horse has well and truly bolted. Pick your battles.

have you read about my concerns? It’s not just about the tattoo.

@BrackenandbraveI don’t know if it was sterile or not. He once was bragging about having a tattoo kit that he got online so who knows…