Dd15 got a tattoo of her boyfriends initial

[LighterDays]

I've posted previously and have has good advice so posting again

Some of you may remember my other threads about my dd 15 giving birth, her baby is now 5 months old. I won't go into full details of the background on her bf as this post will be long, I think I said it on my other thread but long story short he didn't treat her very good and was bullying her after they broke up (whilst she was heavily pregnant).

They're now back together and he has stepped up which has surprised me especially since grandson has got bigger and isn't just a sleepy newborn. He told dd how he's stopped the weed and hasn't smoked it for 3 months, i don't know how true it is but he does seem to have grown up a little but I don't know if this is all an act to get our trust back or what.

I babysat for dd this evening and she got back with a tattoo of his initial that he's done. He has his own tattoos that he's done himself and frankly look xrap due to the placement but it's his body it's not up to me. However I'm furious with dd as firstly its a boys initial who hasn't treated her good, she's 15, and infection risks as he's a 15 year old boy not a tattoo artist. Dd was also doing well as a mum until recently when we've had some disagreements

Haven't properly spoken to dd yet I thought I'd wait until the morning but also I'm due to go on holiday with my younger children at the end of next week and dd was meant to stay with her dad as she didn't want to goas I said no to bf coming too but I am concerned her dad won't keep an eye on her properly (we’re split) I've been in hospital twice since she has given birth and he's basically allowed dd and her bf to do what they want (and did before too as dd was living with her dad when she got pregnant as he’d be out at work so plenty of time for them to be alone together). I'm now rethinking the holiday too

Just as I thought we were getting somewhere as she did seem to be more responsible during pregnancy and after becoming a mum

I would report him to the police
He's done a tattoo on a minor
I'm not sure if theycan do anything, but that's definitely illegal

Keep an eye on her in case she gets sick

Seems like a massive fuss about something trivial to me.

Had baby at 15 v got a small tattoo. Which one’s important? Which one isn’t?

Don’t understand all the other stuff about holidays and dad and hospital.

Reporting to the police when he seemingly has got his act together in other ways is asking for trouble. Her DD already has a baby, a tattoo is minor in the scheme of things. I'm all for involving the police usually but this will upset the apple cart way too much when there is a young baby involved.

He is extremely controlling to have branded her like this.

I would bite my tongue about the tattoo before you go away. She is clearly back in his thrall and he will use a disagreement between you and your daughter to split you apart while you are away and she is vulnerable

The Apple cartneeds to be upset though

they're not going to take the baby away. What are you worried about?

The tattoo is a minor concern compared to the bigger picture here. You’re going on holiday and her Dad is unreliable. Why was she living with him when she got pregnant? Is she now on long term contraception and can her Dad fully care for the baby if she goes AWOL? The worst that can happen with the tattoo is it getting infected. Easy to deal with and if he’s shit with his own it might just fade out completely. It’s one letter. What if she gets pregnant again or abandons the baby while you’re away? Social services should be involved if they aren’t already. Safeguarding the baby is the most important thing for everyone involved.

I'd leave it. I agree with PP that it's not a battle worth having. Give her advice about infection risks and ask her not to let him do any more, but otherwise keep the peace.

It's done now, make sure it heals and when she eventually regrets it, it can be tattooed over.

You need to keep her close so pick your battles.

She can tattoo over it when she's older and thinks better of it.

I do agree with you that it could be sign of controlling behavior

For what.?
If she consented what can they do hes a minor too.

Where is the tattoo can it be covered ?

A single tattoo letter v a baby at 15 which means preg at 14

why did you say no to bf going away with her /you - surely better to have her near you

suprised ss aren’t involved due to her age

Social services would only be involved if there were safe guatding concerns .

we don’t make he’s controlling ! Most likely she’s a loved up naive teenager …..

in the scheme of things the tattoo is nothing. Far more concerning about her having a baby at 15, and impact to her life.

Pick your battles

Honestly an average 15 yr old Id go nuts but in this case id bite my tongue.

Check if the stuff was sterile he used to tattoo her and be very neutral about it.

I agree with previous posters. Just keep her safe and close. I'd be neutral about the tattoo as long as she's aware the risks of infection etc last thing she needs is to be unwell when looking after her baby. In the future she can get it covered or removed if she wants.

It must be a very strange time for her, half feeling like a adult half not. Wanting to be a family with her boyfriend but also wanting to just be a teenager.
I'd welcome him on the holiday I'd keep them both as close can be that way you can be there to support her if things do go down hill with the relationship and she knows you are on her side. The one thing I would make priority would be contraception for her. Condoms and the pill or whatever method but multiple options. As someone who got pregnant on the pill they are not reliable.

A really hard situation for you all. I'd look at getting as much support as possible. Counselling for you and for her would be great. I'm sure you have a need to let all the frustrations out as she will too to a neutral party.

Really ? Even tho 14 when preg

I think I’d be more concerned that my child was having sex at 14.
Is he also a child? If not, that’s what I’d be reporting to the police.

How do you expect dad to “keep an eye” on her? She’s doing what she wants anyway by having a baby at 15. Can’t exactly lock her in her room. I’d go and enjoy your holiday so it doesn’t ruin it for your other child.

I would have a talk about branding and check she’s ok. Let her know it’s not normal behaviour but don’t push too hard as you don’t want to drive her away.

I’d bring your daughter and her baby on the holiday.

She had a baby at 15 but your more bothered about some tiny tattoo? Priorities..