Dd15 got a tattoo of her boyfriends initial

[LighterDays]

I've posted previously and have has good advice so posting again

Some of you may remember my other threads about my dd 15 giving birth, her baby is now 5 months old. I won't go into full details of the background on her bf as this post will be long, I think I said it on my other thread but long story short he didn't treat her very good and was bullying her after they broke up (whilst she was heavily pregnant).

They're now back together and he has stepped up which has surprised me especially since grandson has got bigger and isn't just a sleepy newborn. He told dd how he's stopped the weed and hasn't smoked it for 3 months, i don't know how true it is but he does seem to have grown up a little but I don't know if this is all an act to get our trust back or what.

I babysat for dd this evening and she got back with a tattoo of his initial that he's done. He has his own tattoos that he's done himself and frankly look xrap due to the placement but it's his body it's not up to me. However I'm furious with dd as firstly its a boys initial who hasn't treated her good, she's 15, and infection risks as he's a 15 year old boy not a tattoo artist. Dd was also doing well as a mum until recently when we've had some disagreements

Haven't properly spoken to dd yet I thought I'd wait until the morning but also I'm due to go on holiday with my younger children at the end of next week and dd was meant to stay with her dad as she didn't want to goas I said no to bf coming too but I am concerned her dad won't keep an eye on her properly (we’re split) I've been in hospital twice since she has given birth and he's basically allowed dd and her bf to do what they want (and did before too as dd was living with her dad when she got pregnant as he’d be out at work so plenty of time for them to be alone together). I'm now rethinking the holiday too

Just as I thought we were getting somewhere as she did seem to be more responsible during pregnancy and after becoming a mum

I’d let the tattoo go. Yes it’s very unfortunate but she will regret it one day
be as supportive a mum as you can be.

go on holiday with your younger children as planned. Can you at least trust her to be using contraception and not get pregnant again?

Just as I thought we were getting somewhere as she did seem to be more responsible during pregnancy and after becoming a mum

I do remember your earlier thread and I didn’t expect your daughter to be able to cope at all. Credit to both of you that she’s done as well as she has.

She is still very young. She’s not going to behave like someone 10 years older than she is. She’s doing her best. I really wouldn’t say anything. There’s no point and in the long run it won’t help anything.

Just be alert and give her as much space away from him as you can. It seems that the most important thing is that she knows she can turn to you whenever she needs to.

Unfortunatley some girls do get pregnant and have babies underage
Obviously its far from ideal
But if there were no safe guarding issues social services wouldnt stay involved.

It will cause more problems than it will solve
give your opinion once them leave it

unless he pinned her done and forced her in the big scheme of things it’s not an issue

it can be covered or removed

In the big scheme of things its just a tattoo of an initial. It can be covered when she's older, r if not ultimately its only a tattoo. She's got a much more permenant reminder of this boy

Obviously its not a sensible thing to do, and I would keep an eye out for infection. If your DDs been doing well as a mum, and this boy seems also to be doing better I wouldnt jeopardise your relationship over a small tattoo, its more important to that she feels she can talk to you and you are on her side

To everyone going on about OP's daughter having a baby at 15, OP has previous threads about the pregnancy, which dont need rehashing on this thread.

As people have said the whole situation is fragile and it's about much more than one initial tattoo (which can be covered up in the future). If it's not this then something else will come along.
Are social services involved?

The baby is relevant in this story.

Two 15yo having a baby together, a small tattoo is the least of everyone's problem in this mess.

Not anywhere near the same as your 15yo coming back from a party with a tattoo and then you can go nuclear. I hate the "pick your battle" nonsense, but in this situation, they have actual problems to deal with.

Does she have a social worker? If not, perhaps speak to social services re the tattoo and control he seems to be trying to exert. See if they have anyone who can support her and perhaps speak to her as an impartial 3rd party.

Well it's not really about a tattoo at the end of the day.

As a pp stated, pick your battles.

There’s nothing you can do about the tattoo now, she will regret it in years to come, nothing will be achieved by arguing about it. Perhaps a lack of reaction might have the biggest impact, maybe?

Where are the Bf parents in all of this?

She will learn eventually my dd got her drug dealers boyfriends initials tattooed on her when she was 16 she's now thankfully in a good relationship and has to pay out and go through the pain of getting it covered up i would call that a good lesson learnt and she knows now never to get a bf name tattooed on her again.

While the tattoo is obvs not ideal, it’s not the bigger picture here (and as others have said, can be covered or removed when she regrets it - which she will). I’d let it go, and stay supportive, so she is more likely to confide in you. She and her baby need support while she matures and finds her feet with her situation.

What the fuck am I reading from PPs? A tattoo performed by this person is not a small thing. Do people understand the infection risk goes beyond what’s on your daughter’s skin getting into her blood (which for many people includes ‘golden’ staph) and includes blood borne viruses?? Is your DD breastfeeding??

I sincerely hope she at least did fully consent and this isn’t just a classic controlling move.

You need to get social services involved as your dd is an idiot and not growing up. Poor baby….

I'd be much more upset about her having a baby at 15 than a tattoo of an initial.

A 14 year old girl having sex and getting pregnant isn’t a safeguarding issue?

It happens
Social services have limited resources
And how would they stop two 14 year olds having sex ?

I cant imgine the Op was thrilled about it
But the baby is here now and five months old.

Well they can't, but they need to think of the care if the baby that is here now I would think. Two 15 year olds are not necessarily going to be equipped for raising a child plus if they are still having sex which I'm sure there will be there is always time potential for further pregnancies.

Honestly, pick your battles.

If you read the Op she said they have been doing well so far yes things may deteriate but social services are not going to get involved just in case
I would Hope they are using reliable contraception.

Let her know you’re not impressed but otherwise let it go. It really isn’t a problem in the grand scheme of things.
If you clash it won’t help the situation. Connect before correct and all that. Be there for her, she needs you.

People saying ‘It’s just a tattoo, it’s nothing compared to having a baby at 15’ are missing the real point here.

It’s not the fact that she had a tattoo that’s the issue.

The issue is that her boyfriend, who has a previous record of treating her badly and bullying her, tattooed her himself and did it with his initial.

That is a massive, massive red flag. It’s not the same as a daft lovesick teenager going to a tattoo shop with a fake ID and getting a tattoo of their boyfriend’s name. It’s a boy branding a girl he has previously been abusive to as ‘his’.

If he’d scratched his initials on her with a knife to leave a scar, would that also be no big deal? I love tattoos and have several, but that’s all a tattoo is - a scar with ink in it. That’s effectively what he’s done to her, consent or not. This isn’t the same as if she’d gone to a tattoo shop independently.

It’s a criminal offence under the Tattooing of Minors Act 1969. But highly unlikely to be prosecuted as the act is really aimed at tattooists taking on underage customers. Teenagers have been doing homemade tattoos for ever. Used to be a compass point and biro ink in my day.