AIBU to expect the original sleeping arrangements on a family holiday?

[PithyBeaker]

Ok here’s the full story: DSis has a holiday house in south of France. Currently being renovated so she is renting an apartment for her and DN. Invited me and my DS to come stay there ages ago. Accepted. Then, she invited our mum too but no space in the flat so my mum planned to get a hotel. Then DSis said no, get a three bed air bnb instead so we all have somewhere to cook and hang out (nicer than the flat she is renting). She suggested I should stay there with my DS instead of crammed in with her and DN at the smaller flat per original plan. My mum was the one who told me it was already a done deal and she had booked a three bed air bnb for the three of us (me, DS and my mum) so we could each have our own room. I said great, ok. DS and I spent whole day on trains to get from midlands to south of France yesterday. Arrive hot sweaty and exhausted and it transpires that, because the air BnB is so nice, my DSis now wants to stay here instead and DN (who is rather spoiled) has decided she will sleep in same room as my DS. Even though they already have a separate apartment. DSis even said maybe she would share a room w me but I said er it’s a bit small and don’t you already have an apartment?? And she said ok I’ll hang out here and go back to sleep there. Anyway, DN gets on my son’s tits fairly quickly bc he is exhausted and also she doesn’t like to let him have any space or privacy (she read his diary which kicked off a scene…) Anyway, I (gently) suggested maybe we should stick w the separate apartment sleeping plan at least for tonight as we’re both really tired and maybe we could do a cousin sleep over tomorrow. Sis stormed out and sent me an angry message that her daughter’s feelings are hurt now. AIBU to think she should have managed her own child better and not forced me to have to say no to the sleepover? She was proposing to just leave DN here and go back to sleep at the other apartment alone. Help. I have lots of other stuff going on and can’t work out if I’m the one BU or not here.

It’s all a mess this. This is why I never accept anyone paying for me or a greater share to do anything like this anymore. I’ve had crazy behaviour from family you have paid towards my holiday and then fumed when I’ve bought myself a cocktail for example. I also think it’s really weird that you went to the south of France when there’s no actual benefit to going there if the original holiday home isn’t available?!? What was the point then? Usually you do that to cut costs etc. I don’t think you get to say, someone promised DN she could stay with her Grandma and she has as much right to as your son. Of course you shouldn’t share a room with your sister or have cousins share when there’s enough room across two properties. You need a frank chat with your Mum and ask directly what she has said to your sister before arrival. What a palaver, my Mum would do something like this! I bet your Mum hasn’t been clear and really she should be stepping in if she hasn’t made this promise. She could say to your sister “I would have booked a 4/5 bedroom property but you said you were okay in the apartment.” Honestly, I think I would probably go with my son to the other property and do my own thing for the week, I would make it clear I’m not happy. I also think your sister is a weirdo to want to share a room with you at your ages.

You are not BU, everyone would be furious

but I would make the point it's ridiculous to cram into an apartment when they already have one, but take my kid with me in my own bedroom.
You can't kick the bratty cousin out, but you can make sure your own child has privacy with you.

It’s a tricky one. On one hand I can see that your mum would enjoy having both grandchildren together and I can understand the niece feeling a bit jealous and left out but there’s no way I’d agree to my 11 year old son sharing with a 7 year old cousin that winds him up because that’s not really on. Could the niece sleep in with grandmother?
Depending how large the apartment is and the bed situation and how well you all generally get on, at a push I’d suggest that your sister shares a room with her daughter, you share a room with your son and grandmother gets her own room but I can also understand that you’d prefer to stick to the original arrangement. I’d probably compromise to keep the peace.
How long are you staying for?

Presumably she can come over all day? Ask what difference it makes sleeping there.

It’s really not fair to change the sleeping arrangements after they’d been agreed. I would simply go down the route of … “can we stick to the original plan please?” Your mum really needs to say that - and then try and take the emotion out of it. It sounds like this will escalate, with the personalities you’ve described

This is quite typical. The 7yo girl who looks up and idolised the 11yo, who understandably doesn't feel anywhere like she does about the relationship.....and a mother who thinks her daughter adoration is cute and therefore that the adored person should feel grateful for it and go with it.

She needs to understand that the adoration of a 7yo girl for a pre teen boy can be an absolute pain, not a blessing. He needs his space. Her girls wishes doesn't trump everything.

I agree @Passaggressfedup . He will have far more patience with her and it'll be better for their relationship if he can dip in an out than if they are forced together.

Could you each stay in the apartment for half the time, switch halfway? It’s not ideal when you were the one originally going to stay in the nicer place but it does stop the “one grandchild gets to see more of granny” argument

And frankly none of this will ever be ideal because your dsis sounds awful!

As has been suggested upthread, could you share with your ds, your sister with her dd, and your Mum could have her own room?

@PithyBeaker

11yr old boy & 7yr old girl should not be sharing a room. Your sister & clearly very spoiled niece both sound awful! Your poor son - niece reading his diary would be a huge issue for me - you need to have his back!

Fuck it.

You should just have the original set up. Brice sounds like a complete PITA as does your sister.

If your mum doesn’t go along with you then, if finances allow, I’d find somewhere else empty and have a nice holiday with your Dson.

Your sister sounds painful and her child awful. I’d just avoid them.

So she can share a room with her grandmother then! See how that goes down. I don’t think your 11 year old should be made to share with a his cousin especially a female one. 11 is an awkward age for boys and he should have privacy

I’m sorry Pithy, you di not need this !
I think I would say to DSis & Mum, we’ve had a long slog to get here. DS & I are tired & need to wind down, generally our life has been chaotic & DS needs to be allowed his own space, he is not 7 years old.
I font mind where we go, I just want a stressfree family holiday.

She read his diary?????

That is such a violation!

After all the other shit your son has had to put up with this year, this arrangement is the last thing he needs.

Be a good mother and look out for him.

I couldn't be arsed with all this behaviour. You need to put your son first. Don't pander to your sister or your very entitled niece.

No no no. She can stay in her apartment. Everyone else has spent money to be here.

The way I read it is the OP is the only adult who hasn’t paid towards any of the available accommodation?

I would be furious - and probably leave.
After all you have been through this year, do they think you have ‘mug’ stamped on your head? Why do the significant others in your life either want to pile into your space or you have to become the de facto babysitter for other people’s kids? Either you have allowed this CFery for too long in your past or you are just too kind. Time to find your voice.

The way I read it is the OP is the only adult who hasn’t paid towards any of the available accommodation?

OP has spent money on travel on the understanding that she and ds will have a room each. Why should anyone have to share, when there are rooms for everyone? Why should grandma, who is paying for the accommodation, give up her privacy to share a room?

All this talk of sharing seems to be driven by a stroppy 7yo. If no-one can say no to her, best solution is for op and son to take the other apartment.

I’m not saying anyone should have to share. But everyone will have had travel costs too - they need to sit down and discuss the best plan like adults really. Be that splitting time between both accommodations all sharing with their child in one or one party staying elsewhere.

if they can’t act like adults then everyone will have a shit holiday!

Get your mum to deal with this and reinstate the original plan.
If she wont - You stay in the apartment and make ypur own plans for the week.

Let her monopolise your mum and meet up when it suit..maybe take your mum out for a day as a "thank you for the accommodation" 🫠

Endure the week.

Never do this kind of holiday again

I wouldn't expect an 11 year old to share with a 7 year old if they didn't want to and don't have to

I would just say to sister that she and her daughter can stay with mum and me and ds will take the flat. That way you have your own space and can come and go as you please

Just put the options to her as:

She and niece stay in flat
Or
You and ds stay in flat

No other option

Maybe, if later in the holiday, both kids want, they could have a sleepover in the living room of one of the accommodations but she is totally unreasonable to just spring it on your son with no choice

I would tell Dsis you are not moving out and DS and you will not be sharing with anyone as you both need your own space

suggest DN sleeps with your mother if she wants to stay and your dais can go home or sleep on the sofa

Given how spoilt the niece is and that she's so much younger than your son, I probably would've swerved the invite altogether. It was never going to be much of a holiday for your son was it.