AIBU to expect the original sleeping arrangements on a family holiday?

[PithyBeaker]

Ok here’s the full story: DSis has a holiday house in south of France. Currently being renovated so she is renting an apartment for her and DN. Invited me and my DS to come stay there ages ago. Accepted. Then, she invited our mum too but no space in the flat so my mum planned to get a hotel. Then DSis said no, get a three bed air bnb instead so we all have somewhere to cook and hang out (nicer than the flat she is renting). She suggested I should stay there with my DS instead of crammed in with her and DN at the smaller flat per original plan. My mum was the one who told me it was already a done deal and she had booked a three bed air bnb for the three of us (me, DS and my mum) so we could each have our own room. I said great, ok. DS and I spent whole day on trains to get from midlands to south of France yesterday. Arrive hot sweaty and exhausted and it transpires that, because the air BnB is so nice, my DSis now wants to stay here instead and DN (who is rather spoiled) has decided she will sleep in same room as my DS. Even though they already have a separate apartment. DSis even said maybe she would share a room w me but I said er it’s a bit small and don’t you already have an apartment?? And she said ok I’ll hang out here and go back to sleep there. Anyway, DN gets on my son’s tits fairly quickly bc he is exhausted and also she doesn’t like to let him have any space or privacy (she read his diary which kicked off a scene…) Anyway, I (gently) suggested maybe we should stick w the separate apartment sleeping plan at least for tonight as we’re both really tired and maybe we could do a cousin sleep over tomorrow. Sis stormed out and sent me an angry message that her daughter’s feelings are hurt now. AIBU to think she should have managed her own child better and not forced me to have to say no to the sleepover? She was proposing to just leave DN here and go back to sleep at the other apartment alone. Help. I have lots of other stuff going on and can’t work out if I’m the one BU or not here.

I think you’re tired from your journey and have over-reacted. You’re being gifted a holiday, your sister and niece are excited to spend time with you, your son your mum, and are hurt that you’ve pushed them away.

Go to bed and make up tomorrow.

Does your DN rarely see DGM that’s the only reason I can think contact / closeness should be prioritised? That they are rarely together and want to maximise their time

Could the young girl share with granny instead of with your son.
My 11 yo boy would have no interest sharing with younger girl cousin

I don’t think it’s fair for an 11 year old boy to share a room/ sleep area with a 7 year old girl. He is approaching puberty and may actually want private space- could you word it that way?

Or if granny made the promise put her in granny’s room with granny.

You should all sleep as discussed and agreed prior to the trip.

Stand your ground op, your son is watching and learning.

YANBU to expect the original sleeping arrangements be stuck to. You have had a tough time lately (we're all on your other threads) and you need this holiday and some personal space, as does your son who does not want and should not have to share his space with a 7 year old girl who drives him bonkers.

Your sister needs to grow up. She knew this was the accommodation arrangement; she needs to accept it.

It’s not appropriate for an 11year old
ds to share with a younger female cousin. She could share with granny but otherwise that’s a hard no.

To me it’d be a no brainer ‘I’d take the flat with my son . You’d be able to go home to a quiet space whenever you like

I'd be telling sis her child isn't the only one worthy of empathy and that it's worth remembering that DS had spent a whole day travelling and then arrived to his space being taken over unexpectedly and his privacy being invaded.

7 and 11 years olds of the same gender don't always mix awfully well. Expecting him to share a room with a much younger girl isn't fair at all.

Can you afford to get another air bnb, OP?

It sounds like some space would be good for both of you.

Sis sounds like a raging foot stamper who is used to getting her own way.

Hell with that! She is the one who kept changing things around. Tell her you like the arrangements as they are, thank you very much.

If her DD is hurt because she winds up your DS and invades his privacy, she can look in the mirror to see who to blame. If I were your DS, I wouldn't want her in my room either.

I’d be pushing this back onto DSis and telling her she needs to manage her daughter better rather than keep letting her get her own way

If she isn’t able to do this I’d book a third air bnb and take yourself and DS off to do your own thing

its your holiday too and you/DS matter just as much

Oh, good grief. No wonder he doesn't want to share - and he shouldn't.

Why doesn’t your niece share with grandma? I can see why she wants to stay where grandma is too, wouldn’t say that’s spoiled behaviour.

Don't get into what DSis or her DD want, keep it to what your son wants, i.e his own space.

Sorted.

What an awkward mess of a holiday arrangement. !

Your sister inadvertently isolated herself and her DD in trying to get you all together and suddenly realised she doesn’t want to be left out. Her DD naturally wants to stay with her GM for extra attention… and with her cousin for extra fun. So they changed the accommodation arrangements while you were spending all day getting there.

I think you really have to have it out with your sister that it isn’t appropriate for your DS and her DD to share a room. And that he was naturally upset about her reading his diary. She needs to understand that she did wrong and she should be helped to apologise properly.

You agreed to travel there on the basis that you each had your own rooms. Your sister, having suggested the original arrangement should stick to that original arrangement especially as she isn’t paying for it. It’s wrong of her to cause upset over it, especially if nobody else is in agreement.

Hopefully you can all go out for the day tomorrow, then maybe go back to your Airbnb to eat and then they go back to their own place.
Maybe your mum will offer her granddaughter a sleep over in her room one night. But that’s up to her to offer, not up to your sister or niece to impose it on her.

Hope you can sort it out without too much bad feeling OP. But you do have to stand up for your son’s right to his privacy.

What was the sleeping arrangement going to be in the small flat you were initially sharing with your sister? Surely that wasn’t a bedroom each?

Sounds like some compromise is needed all around. The kids both want to spend time with their Nan and that’s lovely so the adults need to help facilitate the best way for that to work.

Can't your niece sleep in with Grandma? I can understand her feeling a bit left out and she's excited to see you all. I don't think it's reasonable to expect an 11 year old boy to share with a 7 year old girl, he's getting to an age where he wants his privacy.

I think in this situation, I’d probably share a room with my son, my sister with her daughter and my Mum with her own room if space allows. We love being together as a family and would try to make it work. I’d feel sad to have my sister & niece staying in another apartment and for a week, I’d rather be together and have the shared memories.

Unless the other accommodation is an absolute dive I would swop . You and DS would then have the option to go back to your own place away from any drama .

Does your dsis know about the diary? That is really awful of Dneice and ds is very entitled to not want to share with her for this alone. But of course 11 year olds may not want to share regardless. Just offer to swap apartments half way through the week or something so she can have grandma time too

This is what I’d try too.

Hope you’re rested after travelling and you can all just enjoy the holiday now.

“I love her very much but she can be quite spoiled”……… DN sounds like a little brat who has never heard the word NO!
You’re right to stand your ground OP and not give in to DSis and DN…….not difficult to see where DN gets her behaviour from.
Point out that it is only really for the sleeping arrangements as you’ll probably be going out during the day surely.
I can’t imagine any 11 year old wanting a 7 year old snooping through their stuff and sharing a bedroom tbh.

I agree with most but at the same time family plans change because people want to spend time around each other. And people get cranky on holidays because heat, tiredness and preconceived notions. I always think this is where AIBU falls down, everyone is judging your niece who is a kid when it comes down to it, so she’s automatically going to be irrational, you said your son is cranky because of tiredness, you’re kind of all being unreasonable which is a pity as it sounded like a nice idea for a holiday.

It's not unreasonable that the granddaughter who lives in a different country to her DGM wants to spend time with her.

It is however very unreasonable for your sister to try and dump her bratty and daughter on you mid-tantrum when you've just arrived. I can see why the girl is the way she is if she doesn't know what the word no means.

How annoying. But since you didn't pay for any of the accommodation, I'd just announce that everyone needs their own space so one sister + child is in the AirBNB and one sister + child is in the apartment and let them choose which one they stay in. And then make the best of it and have a nice time.

Who paid for the Airbnb? If you contributed to cost of booking this, then you have every right to insist upon you and your son staying there in separate art rooms as originally planned. Your sister is being stupid and selfish to invade the arrangements.

If your sister/mum.paid for the extra accommodation then I think although it's wrong for them to mix up the sleeping plans after your arrival , it's harder to resist swapping. I hate staying as a 'free' guest' like this as your are rather beholden to this type of thing happening. .